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I don’t know what to do - help?

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Let me start off by saying I’m going to be 20 soon, and he’s no older than early 30s (that’s stretching it but it’s a possibility since I don’t really know).

The first time we really started noticing each other was like 3 months ago at a baby shower, and I noticed he kept glancing at me a LOT. I did the same, but nothing really happened.

Fast forward to now, the family came together for an aunt’s funeral, and we mourned for two days. During the speeches and such, I was trying to be respectful (I didn’t really know this aunt) but I noticed he kept staring at me- easily like 20+ times.

When I first came to the room, his whole face lit up and he greeted me asking how I’ve been doing and such. At the end of both days he perked up when I went to hug him goodbye and he kissed my cheek both times. Usually my guy family members just kiss my hair or not at all, so I was taken by surprise but I enjoyed them to be quite honest!! 

I genuinely like him, and he’s a dad of a toddler who is so smart and adorable, I really like him and he’s technically my nephew. The kid really likes me too!! From what I know he has a rocky relationship with the mother, but I don’t think they’re officially together (they both step up to take care of the kid but don’t live together) so I’m pretty sure he’s single.

So I know I have a fair chance, and he’s actually a half first cousin technically. However, we weren’t raised together and I don’t know how to hang out with him without our family getting weird about it. He’s super attractive to me and he’s all I can think about. I don’t know what to do.


Edited by kaylabriggs
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  • Old Timer

I think the question you need to ask yourself is: how serious are you about this guy? He's cute and you have a huge crush on him, and if you weren't (half) cousins, a date would be the obvious choice. But you are cousins (half or not might not matter to family), and you always will be cousins, no matter what else you might or might not choose to be to each other. Can you find ways to spend more time around him without it being weird or romantic, so that you can get to know him better and decide if it's more than a crush? I'm married to my first cousin, and I'd never want to be married to anyone else, but I think it's important to go slow when the person you are interested in is someone who will always be in your life as family. And most modern, western families don't respond positively to cousin relationships, at least not initially, so are you willing to deal with their disapproval to pursue this? If the answer is no or even maybe not, don't start anything until you are sure.

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  • Administrator

I say throw caution to the wind! He may very well be the one. I don't see a reason why this could-be relationship should be a big deal. But that if he is married? That is a little detail that you should check into ;)

If you are half first cousins, that is nothing, really. Don't allow anyone to make a big deal of it.  

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  • Moderator
On ‎9‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 12:37 AM, kaylabriggs said:

I genuinely like him, and he’s a dad of a toddler who is so smart and adorable, I really like him and he’s technically my nephew.

I don't understand "half cousing techinically"", and if you are cousins how can his son be "technically your nephew"?

Until I knew the answers to this part, I don't really have any advice other than confirming what his relationship to the child's mother is.

Are they married, separated, never married but share a son, not together? That will have a big part in any further advice you may get.

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