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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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kinesha

5 weeks b pregnant by second cousin

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Me and my second cousin on my moms side have been close ever since he reunited with our family. When he was 2 he was adopted by another family, but in 2009 I met him for the first time. We automatically became favorite cousins... he would share everything with me, I would share everything with him. We were best friends. He was the closest person to me. In August 2013, we had sex for the first time. We were both drunk when it first happened, but we continued to do it multiple times. During those times he would ejaculate inside me. I did not get pregnant the first few times. I asked him to stop "cumming" inside me, but he kept doing it... He asked if I wanted him to cum in me while we were having sex, I said yes a few times... He even got mad when I would push him out of me when he was ejaculating... I asked him if he wanted me to get pregnant. He replied " I do, but I don't because of what everyone is going to say and do.". Even though he was unsure about if he wanted to get me pregnant, he still kept ejaculating in me. I told him that if I get pregnant, I am NOT getting an abortion.... He still continued to cum inside me. I continued to let him. Now I am 5 weeks pregnant!! I just got off the phone with my mother and I told her that im pregnant by my cousin and im keeping it, she flipped and said she cannot accept my decision or the baby because its disgusting. My cousin is now ignoring me and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He's being very immature about the situation. what should I do?

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First of all, you could have been a bit more tactful in the way you presented this situation.

Secondly, have you never heard of the word, "No"?  "No, we are not going to have just a physical relationship.  No, we are not proceeding without a condom.". 

You accuse him of being immature?  What did you expect, darling?  Frankly, you were both immature in this situation.  You behaved irresponsibly and now you are facing the consequences of your actions.  A baby is a wonderful gift and I pray that you will do what is best for him/her.  Your mom may soften when she realizes that you are carrying her grandchild.  As for your cousin, I wouldn't expect much from him.  Make sure legally he is helping you care for the baby, but you gotta cut your losses with him and move on.

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i have to agree with serendipity, and i gotta tell ya, i was seriously considering deleting your post and telling you to rewrite it. and i may still. this IS a family friendly site. i'll leave it for the moment, but the first complaint i get from another member and i will take some measures. or you can just go on and reword it before it gets to that point. you can get the story across without being quite so vulgar or graphic. just saying you didn't use protection would have sufficed.

and i also agree that you are definitely just as guilty of immaturity as you're accusing him of being. first of all, when a guy who is not interested in MARRIAGE says he wants you to get PREGNANT, what he's really saying is he wants to make his mark on the world.... or the notch on his belt. or both. YOU are the one who is responsible for you getting in this situation. YOU had no business having sex without taking whatever precautions you could  to lessen your risk of pregnancy.  personally i suspect you were romanticizing the whole possibility of having a child with your cousin, and thinking that the two of you would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. trapping a guy into marriage rarely works, and when it does work, it doesn't work for long before it turns into a disaster. but you really need to stop blaming him. you are the one with a womb, dear, and you alone are responsible for letting him use your body without protection.

so you end your post with the question "what should i do?" .... well, here is what you should do. you should grow up and accept the fact that you are now responsible for the well being of another human being, and will be for the rest of your life. you need to suck it up and expect that it is going to be a long hard road, because even under the best of circumstances, raising a child is difficult. without the support of the child's father and his family, you're going to be struggling for a very long time. you had better accept NOW that you will quite likely never get the father to live up to HIS responsibilities, and spare your child the resentment and bitterness that you might want to spit out like poison every time his name gets brought up.

furthermore, you need to decide if you are going to give this child half a chance in life by giving him/her up for adoption, or if you're going to keep the baby for yourself... and before you make that decision, re-read my last paragraph. you CAN turn this around and become a good mother, but so far, you haven't given the best interest of the child a second thought... and the FIRST thought should have been before you spread your legs for some guy that wanted to get laid while you and he were both plastered off your butts. if you want to BE a mother, start NOW. and don't think that adoption is not the act of a good mother. sometimes it is the mark of the best mother.

if you are going to keep the baby, then get sober and stay that way. your partying days had better be OVER. your child comes first. and believe me, that child is going to give you plenty of reasons to want to drink away your sorrows and stresses down the road. get over it now. that child deserves a sober parent. get yourself in to see a doctor and get regular prenatal care. if you smoke or use drugs, quit.

i'm curious as to how old you are. are you still a teenager living at home? are you an adult with your own job, own apartment?

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im 21 living with my father, I know I could have worded this situation better, but as I stated in my first post I JUST got off the phone with my mother and I was EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT. I apologize if I offended anyone.

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- I know we both were immature. That's how this situation was created... What I'm saying is he's handling the situation immaturely. But I guess I should have expected that... Once I got pregnant, I did want him to be there for me and for us to raise it together, but it was NEVER my intention to TRAP him into anything. I know I should have used protection with him, and I'm just as much to blame as him. I'm not denying that. Its just everyone wants me to get an abortion, (sorry if that word is too graphic), and I don't feel as though that's the right thing to do.

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well, i don't want you to get an abortion {hugs}.

i didn't figure you intentionally set out to trap him, but sometimes the rosy image of a happy family becomes romanticized, especially when the guy is sitting there saying things like how he wouldn't mind you getting pregnant. then when you do (did) get pregnant, well, there's all these unrealistic expectations... because no matter how unrealistic those expectations are, they're totally understandable, and he even fed that fantasy by his own words and actions before he knocked you up.

look, i know i come across as harsh sometimes. but i really do empathize with you. he's a jerk, plain and simple, and you were used. no matter how irresponsibly you both acted, you didn't deserve that from him.

i really hope you don't have an abortion. ya know, years and years and years ago, i was married to my first husband... and got pregnant. i hadn't been faithful, and i didn't think the baby was my husband's. i thought this baby was actually going to be by the same father as my first child. turned out that my youngest WAS my husband's, but the point i'm getting at is that i considered abortion, because i was scared to death. this just wasn't a good situation to be in, ya know?

jump forward 17 years. that baby was now semi-grown up, in high school, and pregnant. she was terrified. she thought i would never forgive her for getting pregnant. just like any other teenager who finds themselves in that position. so once i found out (because luckily, her older sister ratted her out to me), i sat down and asked her if she was glad she was alive. she didn't understand my question, and said of course she was. and then i told her 'that's good, but i want you to know, i was stupid and scared and i thought about aborting you. but i'm so glad i didn't, and i'm glad you're glad too.' that conversation changed her mind... and she chose to have the baby. in her case, she married the father, who was also in high school. it has not been easy for them, but they have two little boys now that i wouldn't trade for all the world.

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You asked us what you should do.  None of the members here can answer that question for you, only YOU can do that.

I'm not advocating either way, but when I fell pregnant I had to give all sides of the equation and all possible outcomes proper consideration.  Plus you probably feel like crap just now physically so EAT.  Regularly.  It helped me to be able to think more clearly.

Here's some of the things you should be considering in this decision and this is not meant to be an exhaustive list...

1.  What is your residential situation?

2.  What is your financial situation?

3.  Are there any friends / family / colleagues that you think may be able to offer you support?  (Sometimes people surprise us and the least likely friends become the ones from whom we can gain the greatest support whilst those who we expected to always be there for us fade into the background)

4.  What are the consequences of your possible decisions?

5.  Can you live with those consequences?

You don't need to tell us your responses to these at all, and again I'll state this is not intended to be an exhaustive list.  Think of this as a starting point.  Go fix yourself a meal, grab a pen and paper and write your thoughts down around those points above and see if that helps you.

Lori :)

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I agree with what the others have said. You've decided to have the baby - good for you. But if you are going to have the baby, then you have a responsibility to give the child the best possible start in life that you can, and that starts right now with some changes to your lifestyle. First and foremost, you need to go and see your doctor or an obstetritician and follow their advice on how to prepare your body and your baby for birth. No more alcohol, no smoking, no illicit or recreation drugs, cut right back on coffee, no soft cheese, no smoked foods, no raw meat and lots of exercise, especially in your first trimester, and take folate suppliments.

Good luck.

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Folic acid is a vitamin that pregnant women should take too  :smiley:

Good luck with the future and stuff

nessa76

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