Jump to content
MadMax007

Feelings for my 1st cousin, perhaps more, hopefully, she’s amazing..

Recommended Posts

Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably. 

Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.

Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself. 

I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not. 

Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!

 

Andy

Edited by thevalar007
Shortened and fixed typos.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s me, I changed my username, and am not sure how to edit or add, I no longer see the option. It went great! Her body language was positive, she playfully touched my leg and hand several times throughout the evening. I made her laugh a lot, we even went out for drinks afterwards. But I’m still worried she doesn’t understand exactly how I feel, or maybe she is turning a blind eye to it. When we went for drinks we ran in to some friends of hers, and she introduced me as her cousin, which is accurate but I took as a sign that she doesn’t see me as anything more than that. This did not stop me from pursuing her. The music at the bar was loud, so I was able to get close to her and whisper things in her ear, like jokes and comments, but it was not easy to hold a conversation because of the noise. A few times we joked that we looked like a couple, or at least on a date, but it didn’t have the reaction I hoped for. She moved past the subject after smiling and making a cute comment on the matter. When the night was over, before she went inside, there was no hug or kiss, or anything. This practically hurt a lot and I figured wither one of two things is happening here. Either she knows or suspects how I feel and doesn’t feel the same way, or she is oblivious to it altogether. I intend to keep hanging out with her and hopefully over time win her over. After last night I desire her even more, not just physically, I don’t have a lot of experience in that department, so my interest in her is beyond that. I’m pretty sure I will fall for this amazing woman if we continue to talk and chill. What say you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome to CC. Sounds like you are on the right track and not doing the pressure thing.

At some point that the two of you are together, use the ole tried and true line of something along the lines of

"if you weren't my cousin I would like to date you"..., or" you possess the qualities I am looking for / desire in a girlfriend..."

Make the words yours and that fit the scenario, however if she gives the EWWW factor then remind her you said IF.

She may immediately answer back with the same feelings or not or say nothing. Even if she doesn't say anything you

have planted a seed,  It may grow and one day she may just say "remember when...?" 

 

Either way, give her time, develop the friendship and see how things go.

 

Best wishes on your journey and keep us posted!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for the advice and words of encouragement, I’m extremely grateful for response.

I expect to hang out with her again in the near future, I will definitely keep the pressure off, but plant the seed, then hope for something organic to occur.

I look forward to posting an update!

Thanks again!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello! Quick update, we are hanging out tomorrow! It’s just for a short while, she’s coming over to help me with something, or rather I mentioned I needed a hand and she volunteered. We’re supposed to go out and shop for some stuff for the task (I’m being vague because I’m paranoid she will find this one day soon, as unlikely as that is). Except I prefer not to go anywhere, I rather we hang out at my place, maybe order take-out, have some drinks, and hopefully watch a movie. But the idea of shopping out in the real world has some appeal. If you see this before Tuesday 10/2/18, any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for the support and hope! We hung out as planned last week, and once since then. I have been flirting lightly and tried some of the advice I received so far, such as the “If we weren’t cousins gambit...” The response was neutral I’d say, she certainly didn’t scoff at the comment, nor did she agree or retort. She’s a hard read, for example, we are pretty much on a daily text basis, and even exchange phone calls too. However sometimes it feels like she’s on to me and every now and then she will reassure me that we are after all “family”, and “cousins”, not out of the blue but rather after a mutual moment of gratitude, or if there is related context. My feelings are growing, but I do not see myself confessing anything or making a move, so to speak, anytime soon. For now I genuinely am content spending time with her and growing our relationship. She’s been through a lot and has way more experience than me with romantic and life situations, plus she’s older by approximately 10 years, but this doesn’t matter to me, but I’m sure at this stage in her life she has a pretty clear idea of the kind of man she wants, or needs rather, and I’m almost positive I’m not it. I on the other hand have little experience with women and am probably a bit more “immature” than the type of guy she likes, more specifically I’m a bit of a geek, have no children unlike her, and am not really physically big and strong. I realize there’s more to attraction between two people than those things but I can’t but help consider it sometimes. And she’s beautiful to anyone that cares to look, so worse yet I’m worried she’ll meet Mr. Perfect before anything blossoms between us. I still have hope and appreciate all the love from you guys, thanks again and I whole heartedly wish you the best in your endeavors, romantic and otherwise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, clayp72 said:

Seems to me the chemistry is there.  I really hope this pans out.  Keep us posted!!

Hello. It's been a while since I posted here, but it's mainly due to a lack of replies. I'm a newbie so I expected that to an extent, however it's hard to find support via my normal portals such as friends and family. There are 2 special friends that know my situation, but without any experience with my situation there isn't a lot of advise they feel comfortable offering. I've been using my best judgement, but it gets tough since conventional dating methods and tells don't really apply here. We have been hanging out regularly for a few months now and have grown closer. I still flirt with her and treat her like a love interest, so she can at least suspect my intentions. We plan to hang out this week, and I intend to tell her how I feel. I went over my thoughts and what I would say and am happy with my words. I think there is little chance that she will feel the same way, but I have hope. I'm going to go through with it and can't wait! Accepting all thoughts, advice (especially), and well wishes. Seasons Greetings to everyone!

Edited by MadMax007
typo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Nokia
      So my first cousin and I didn't grow up together but over the years we've built a relationship through letters he's in prison right now I've always felt like he started with me but I've never really been sure. He would ask me to send him pictures before he went to prison via cell phone, he was married then so I didn't think much of it I just figured because we hadn't seen each other in a while that he wanted to have a picture of me. I didn't feel the same way at first but I flirted with the idea because of the way that he made me feel I didn't feel like anything was wrong with it I honestly and I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of thinking of him sexually. I know for a fact that our family would not approve but lately he's been writing me letters and he always calls me gorgeous and he always tells me I'm beautiful and he wrote me in my last letter about the way my shirt showed my physique and that it was enticing. I don't want to confuse him being incarcerated with him having feeling because I know sometimes people say anything behind bars especially men who haven't seen women in a while but I can say that I felt him flirting with me before this the feelings have just seem to get deeper since we've been writing each other more. I want to express myself because it's killing me to know that someone that I have these feelings for I might not be able to be with but if I feel like he feels the same I wouldn't have a problem expressing myself I'm just not sure so I'm asking in regards to what I should do on my end with my feelings in the situation. I genuinely love him so even if he was repulsed with the idea I wouldn't just leave his side while he's going through this part of his life I genuinely was helping because I wanted to help a family member and I didn't expect to feel the way that I do. It feels impossible that I'm the only one that has these feelings and it's not perverted. I just understand him and I know he understands me please help me
    • By ThreeAM
      Hi guys, I'm new to all this cousin stuff. Im from the UK so im well aware of the legal issues on cousins.
      To cut a story short, ive always had a hunch that my cousin has liked me since we were young, but these past 4 years i think that shes been dropping hints that she likes me. Im 23 and shes 18, i know thats quite an age gap but the thing is, she is exactly like me when i was that age. We often acknowledge our similarities and we are both always a little shocked at how much we are the same. I should cringe at this but ive never really felt a real connection with anyone until recently. Ive had many girlfriends, but there was never a fulfilling feeling of being with them. but anyway ill cut to the story.
      On odd occasions my cousin will ask me to go out and i will always say yes, but if i cant i will always rearrange to see her. When we first starting hanging out she would want me to tickle her arms, so basically she was very touchy feely with me. Then a year passed and she got a boyfriend which i was totally fine with but then they split up and we started hanging out abit more, she seemed more shy around me and was alot less touchy feely. Eventually she got another boyfriend and hes a really cool guy we get on,  earlier this year she asked me to go round to her house for a massage and she asked to do a full body massage on me, i said no because i didnt want to feel awkward so i ended up just going with a back massage. she was wonderful at it she is amazing at massaging, but i couldnt help but feel a little aroused by it. so anyway i just put that to the back of my head and thought nothing of it because shes my cousin right? Anyway, when we go out as a family to a meal or something, i always catch her looking at me with such a beautiful grin after shes told a joke, even if im sat doing nothing while everyone is talking, i look over at her to catch her staring at me, we lock eyes and oh man does my heart race. It feels like we are the only people in the room. But this week we went to town and we got drunk, while we was out she was telling me that she gets more energy when there's more people and i understand that, so she invited one of her lad mates out. Before he arrived, baring in mind that she has a bf, she was telling me how nice and hot he was, which is what you do at 18 haha. I was looking forward to meeting him, we got on and he mentioned that he wanted a smoke. so i said we could go back to mine because my parents were on holiday and she was really up for that. so this lead me to think that she wanted to get with her friend. 
      When we arrived at mine we had a smoke, watched a few films and just generally had a good night then i said i was going to go to bed. as i was going up she asked me for a t-shirt to wear to bed, i was drunk and i took mine off and just chucked it at her as a joke. She laughed and said thanks, so she went off to get undressed and put my tshirt on. when i was in bed she messaged me and asked where i was sleeping, i said in my room and laughed. then we carried on talking but i cant remember what about, but i remember her saying "Let me have a nap first". at this point i was so tired i just fell asleep. eventually i woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep, so i got up brushed my teeth and went to the living room. she came downstairs curiously in my tshirt so i presumed she slept in it and i asked her if she had done the deed with her friend. she laughed and said no as if it was gross. i was abit confused by this, but then it hit me. Was she downstairs with me at 3AM to finally admit to what she was feeling? I went so quiet i didnt know what to do and i felt a sense of tension between us, she said she was going upstairs to put her phone on charge and i told her to come back after. She did come back but she only sat with me for about 10 mins before going to wake her friend up so we could all sit downstairs together. anyway this is where it gets confusing, i try to message her and she will talk to me for a short while but its always a short while, i dont know if she feels awkward with me, honestly im so lost.
      I have no idea what im feeling, what shes feeling i just need your guys opinions on the matter. are these obvious signs shes giving me or am i just getting the wrong end of the stick?
      If you need more info just ask :).
      Cheers Guys.
    • By Yankeeshakes4313
      I'm going to share and express my thoughts about cousin marriages... Stay tuned... Good subscribe to Sage Nation.... The episode will come in two weeks... I'm going to start my podcast again on Thursday March 15th.... Please subscribe and support my channel
    • By Beth
      What an incredibly supportive and amazing group!
      Please forgive my intrusion. My name is Beth and I'm a features writer with That's Life - a national magazine that tells real-life stories in Australia and New Zealand.
      We share unique love stories in the first person and in a completely non-judgemental way. All of our interviewees receive full copy approval. 
      I'm posting as I'd love to find an Aussie or Kiwi couple who'd be willing to speak to me. I think that it's really important that we tackle the stigma associated with dating/marrying your cousin. It is, after all, completely legal!
      The only way we can do that, though, is by people coming forward to share their stories, openly and candidly. 
      If you are interested, please drop me an email at *************@***********.com.au. 
      Thanks very much,
      Beth 
    • By Anon
      To start off, we are half 2nd cousins. We did not grow up together. I knew of him through the family but only met him once that I can recall, I was very young i don't even remember him from the visit but do remember his sister. Let's call him Zach, he is in fact now my boyfriend of almost 3 years. I've lived with my dad my whole life but from many complications I then moved in with my mom whom Zach is related to on her side of the family. Zachs immediate family has a good amount of money and my mom wanted me to enjoy first week back home and figured it'd be nice to visit my cousin Zachs house and his family considering they have a very huge, nice house. I was very sick from traveling such a long way from my dad's to my mom's I just wanted to go home the whole time I was there. But yes, this was in fact the 1st time i met my boyfriend Zach. We didn't click at first sight, in fact I didn't really find him all that attractive, he was cute but I wasn't really worrying about that at all. A few more visits passed by and we began talking and texting then suddenly we became really close, we didn't miss a day without talking. He became my best friend and he's the bestest best friend I've ever had, he still is. I began to start feeling a bit of attraction coming on for Zach and I was so confused. I felt disgusting "you can't like your cousin that's so weird!!" I thought to myself. But the more I fought it the harder it was. I tried to block it out which was fine. Until he showed he had feelings for me as well... it was the night of my town fair and he came with me for my partner because like I said he was my best friend. We had a great time we then went to my great grandmas house to stay the night to play guitar, talk and just hang out with my best friend that's all. It turned to be much more than that. The next morning I didn't know what to think I was debating on acting like I didn't remember any of what happened. Until he got done showering and jumped on the bed where I was laying and kissed my forehead. I knew he was the one. 2.5 years later we're madly in love and I couldn't imagine my life without him. We are one of the best couples I know being honest. He's my favorite person and he brings out the best in me. Most of all we help each other through everything from battling depression to deciding what song he should record in his music studio. Though, through all of these nice magical times it's still such a rough path. My mother and brother are so judgemental one of the worst judgemental people I've ever met. They hardly support me, they don't understand I'm doing what makes me happy. They don't know I'm with Zach but they are suspicious. It's pretty obvious. We're inseperable and my mother often questions why I haven't had a boyfriend. It's so hard because on top of all of this I'm still a minor so I have no say so in what I am or am not allowed to do. I will be 18 in 5 months so I think I can live with our situation until then. I was 14 when we started dating and our love grows stronger and stronger each day. I know it may seem I'm a little young but for him I will wait until I'm 64 if I have to. He's worth it. 
×
×
  • Create New...