Jump to content
<?php echo esc_attr( get_bloginfo( 'name' ) ); ?>

Feelings for my 1st cousin, perhaps more, hopefully, she’s amazing..

Recommended Posts

Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably. 

Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.

Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself. 

I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not. 

Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!



Edited by thevalar007
Shortened and fixed typos.
Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s me, I changed my username, and am not sure how to edit or add, I no longer see the option. It went great! Her body language was positive, she playfully touched my leg and hand several times throughout the evening. I made her laugh a lot, we even went out for drinks afterwards. But I’m still worried she doesn’t understand exactly how I feel, or maybe she is turning a blind eye to it. When we went for drinks we ran in to some friends of hers, and she introduced me as her cousin, which is accurate but I took as a sign that she doesn’t see me as anything more than that. This did not stop me from pursuing her. The music at the bar was loud, so I was able to get close to her and whisper things in her ear, like jokes and comments, but it was not easy to hold a conversation because of the noise. A few times we joked that we looked like a couple, or at least on a date, but it didn’t have the reaction I hoped for. She moved past the subject after smiling and making a cute comment on the matter. When the night was over, before she went inside, there was no hug or kiss, or anything. This practically hurt a lot and I figured wither one of two things is happening here. Either she knows or suspects how I feel and doesn’t feel the same way, or she is oblivious to it altogether. I intend to keep hanging out with her and hopefully over time win her over. After last night I desire her even more, not just physically, I don’t have a lot of experience in that department, so my interest in her is beyond that. I’m pretty sure I will fall for this amazing woman if we continue to talk and chill. What say you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator

Hi and welcome to CC. Sounds like you are on the right track and not doing the pressure thing.

At some point that the two of you are together, use the ole tried and true line of something along the lines of

"if you weren't my cousin I would like to date you"..., or" you possess the qualities I am looking for / desire in a girlfriend..."

Make the words yours and that fit the scenario, however if she gives the EWWW factor then remind her you said IF.

She may immediately answer back with the same feelings or not or say nothing. Even if she doesn't say anything you

have planted a seed,  It may grow and one day she may just say "remember when...?" 


Either way, give her time, develop the friendship and see how things go.


Best wishes on your journey and keep us posted!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for the advice and words of encouragement, I’m extremely grateful for response.

I expect to hang out with her again in the near future, I will definitely keep the pressure off, but plant the seed, then hope for something organic to occur.

I look forward to posting an update!

Thanks again!


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello! Quick update, we are hanging out tomorrow! It’s just for a short while, she’s coming over to help me with something, or rather I mentioned I needed a hand and she volunteered. We’re supposed to go out and shop for some stuff for the task (I’m being vague because I’m paranoid she will find this one day soon, as unlikely as that is). Except I prefer not to go anywhere, I rather we hang out at my place, maybe order take-out, have some drinks, and hopefully watch a movie. But the idea of shopping out in the real world has some appeal. If you see this before Tuesday 10/2/18, any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for the support and hope! We hung out as planned last week, and once since then. I have been flirting lightly and tried some of the advice I received so far, such as the “If we weren’t cousins gambit...” The response was neutral I’d say, she certainly didn’t scoff at the comment, nor did she agree or retort. She’s a hard read, for example, we are pretty much on a daily text basis, and even exchange phone calls too. However sometimes it feels like she’s on to me and every now and then she will reassure me that we are after all “family”, and “cousins”, not out of the blue but rather after a mutual moment of gratitude, or if there is related context. My feelings are growing, but I do not see myself confessing anything or making a move, so to speak, anytime soon. For now I genuinely am content spending time with her and growing our relationship. She’s been through a lot and has way more experience than me with romantic and life situations, plus she’s older by approximately 10 years, but this doesn’t matter to me, but I’m sure at this stage in her life she has a pretty clear idea of the kind of man she wants, or needs rather, and I’m almost positive I’m not it. I on the other hand have little experience with women and am probably a bit more “immature” than the type of guy she likes, more specifically I’m a bit of a geek, have no children unlike her, and am not really physically big and strong. I realize there’s more to attraction between two people than those things but I can’t but help consider it sometimes. And she’s beautiful to anyone that cares to look, so worse yet I’m worried she’ll meet Mr. Perfect before anything blossoms between us. I still have hope and appreciate all the love from you guys, thanks again and I whole heartedly wish you the best in your endeavors, romantic and otherwise.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
On 10/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, clayp72 said:

Seems to me the chemistry is there.  I really hope this pans out.  Keep us posted!!

Hello. It's been a while since I posted here, but it's mainly due to a lack of replies. I'm a newbie so I expected that to an extent, however it's hard to find support via my normal portals such as friends and family. There are 2 special friends that know my situation, but without any experience with my situation there isn't a lot of advise they feel comfortable offering. I've been using my best judgement, but it gets tough since conventional dating methods and tells don't really apply here. We have been hanging out regularly for a few months now and have grown closer. I still flirt with her and treat her like a love interest, so she can at least suspect my intentions. We plan to hang out this week, and I intend to tell her how I feel. I went over my thoughts and what I would say and am happy with my words. I think there is little chance that she will feel the same way, but I have hope. I'm going to go through with it and can't wait! Accepting all thoughts, advice (especially), and well wishes. Seasons Greetings to everyone!

Edited by MadMax007
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 year later...

Just out of curiosity how did this end?
Basically the 10 year gap, when a woman is older, is a turndown. You may see yourselves of having just an affair, as she will want to make a family.
Ex. When I was younger a 2nd cousin of me...which was around 8 years older, was so smiling and touchy when we hanged out (only 2 times) and I was thinking of her. She was even telling me "Hey don't even call me cousin"! Now that I saw her after 10 years (me 34, her 42), she was like...meh!! Lost like 95% of her beauty. Grown up, white hair, definitely I would not even considering to do a move.
Of course your cousin might be way prettier...and I even had a relationship with a divorced lady from a north country which has an HB10 almost perfect! So if it is REALLY worth the risk...start by touching more and more and flirting and she how it goes. Check my recent post. I am in the same situation like you but in my case she is 11 years younger.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Similar Content

    • By Browneyedgal
      hey everybody it's been a hot minute since i was on here but i had a question to ask and an update  
      to begin is there anything in the bible that any says cousins in our degree can't marry? i keep reading and it doesn't say but list certain family members who you can't be with. Any advice? any and all is greatly appreciated. this is for 2nd and 3rd cousins
      Also me and my love are about to celebrate our first year of being together. most of it has been secret but we have made it here and hope to go farther and get married one day despite the oppisotion we will eventually face. He didn't graduate BCT and they sent him home after he was gone for 5 months. we kept in contact through letters. But needless to say he does want to go back and try again if things work out in the future. Now for me i graduated high school and started my college. My love comes and sees me on the weekends and and we spend nights together. WE've talked a lot about our future plans and if things work out for us we want to get married after i finish college and move to a different state.  But i personaly am hoping to graduate in 3 years.
    • By Bel Handcraft
      21 years ago (we dated for one year) I started dating my 26 year old cousin George. It began and the Handcraft family reunion and I remember us both getting drunk and we made love in my parents' bedroom. Ever since then I always called him "Horny Georgie". We both thought it was cute. We were happy until recently I found out we was banging my super slut sister I now call "the family wanker tanker". I was absolutely heartbroken and filed for divorce swiftly. Or at least i wish it was swift, there were many tears shed and harsh words thrown about; I remember "bel the bad smell" being used multiple times.
      I honestly don't know what to do with myself I started drinking and its not helping ill nwver meet ansother man like him helk
    • By The Riddler
      Hey guys,
      Apologies if I make mistakes, very new here. I’m extremely happy that there is a community like this, in the world we live in.
      I need your opinion on my situation. 
      Off the bat, I’m in love with my first cousin and I’m sure she feels like same but I need to be 100% sure so that I can make a move becoz I intend to. 
      We are an affectionate family, we all hug and kiss.
      I’m 24 (m) and she’s 32(f) married with 2 children who I get along with well. She’s in a toxic marriage that won’t last much longer. 
      This sexual tension between us has been building over the last 2 years. 
      Whenever we see each other, we always sit next to each other and our legs touch etc for example she’ll always use my knee as support when she gets up IMO just to touch my leg. 
      We were recently under a blanket and I made a move to hold her hand but interlocked hand holding which she was okay with. I have hugged her from behind and she likes it. 
      When I hug her it’s always a bit longer plus my hands are around her waist and our legs always touch, we always give a bit more of a kiss than a usual peck. Not sure if I’m reading too much into it. 
      When she fixes my pants becoz they falling down she will let her hand run across my bum. 
      I often pass each other by and give a little shoulder rub or a hand glide on the back. 
      Im definitely more forward than she is but she has never seemed uncomfortable with the interactions and has initiated some herself. She regularly puts her feet under my legs.
      I think she might be holding back for the same reason i am. 
      What do you guys think and how should I make a move? I’ve already held her hand and now I’d like to French kiss her and cuddling. 
      Possibly make love if it can get to that. I love her a lot. 
      Kind regards, 
      The riddler 
    • By Stefieh
      We met 20 years ago and we didn't know if we were related. 3-5months later, he found out that his grandma was my dad sister. Of course, when we were a kid we got whopping when my dad found out. I came to America and we still communicated, still got whooping. I was not allowed to use the phone either internet. Meant there was no way I could get in touch with him. He is in America and he is 34 and I 32 years old. I was married and separated from my kids' father, was in a long term relationship for 6 years, unfortunately, it didn't work. He married and remarried, his marriage didn't work either. We decided to be together now. We plan on Having kids and get married too. I am the only daughter in my family ?my father and my brothers are really angry ?upset with us. But he makes me happy so do I. We are connected, In love...etc. My kids (13&8) have approved him and want him to adopt them.   What do you guys think??
    • By Sid
      So okay,
      I was 17 and my cousin was 22.She came my home at my sister marriage.At that time seriously I have no feelings for her but I'm totally horny.Day before marriage I slept with my sister on left hand side and with my cousin on right hand side on a single bed.That time I really don't have single feelings on her though she was damn beautiful.She is most beautiful girl in my family and then story began. she touched her lips to my cheecks,I ignore it I know it wouldn't be happen .it's about 2:00 clock she came close to me and put her face on my face , she pretended that she is sleeping but I know she is not.I m negative type of person negative thoughts was coming in my mind that time that what would happen if anybody saw us,is she is still didn't realized that what she's doing.I am not so confident about her,and then she finally touch her boobs with my mouth OMG what a great feeling,and suddenly at that time,whipped cream was came out and all of that horny feeling was flee away and I ignore her and sleep far away from her cuz bed have much space left then I slept at corner of bed.That year she married.Her husband was not good looking guy and I know that she loves good looking boys.3 years was passed away,now we met I see in her eyes that she actually loves me.Yes,she triggered me some time before marriage.I know she have still have feelings,and I have too I want to do sex with her and I don't know how I convince her.I think she forgot about that night because much time is passed away.But still I have a feelings for her,but couldn't gave her single sign .I have fear if she deny me then what would happen,because I have very good name in my family all of them think that I am too innocent and childish though I am 19 now.tell me pls what to do.I love her.please reply anyone if you read till last please give me single suggestion .please
  • Create New...