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Feelings for my 1st cousin, perhaps more, hopefully, she’s amazing..

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Hello all, thanks for stopping by. First off, thanks for all the great advice, stories, and posts on here, and special thanks to the creators and admins. This has been bugging me for a while, and I was so glad to discover this place, I really felt welcomed and moved by some of these stories, but most of all, hopeful. I truthfully am a forum noob, and have never really posted anything on a public board before, much less this topic. The reason I started this topic is because most of the threads I came across seemed geared to very young people, and while other posts did offer some insight, I decided to try my luck here, hoping for a more custom tailored response, respectably. 

Straight to the goods then. I'm 'Andy' and soon to be 35, she's ‘Cindy’, in her 40s, and we are both single and 1st cousins. I have had a crush on her as far back as I can remember, our families were close when we were kids, and often spent weekends together. Because of our age gap at the time, her being a rebel teen who idolized Madonna and me with my Transformers and GI Joes, we were not very close. We hung out like average cousins, nothing special. Over the years she was always close to my thoughts, plus we stayed in touch on social media, but again noting special. Fast forward a little over two decades, during which we would occasionally see each other at large family gatherings, but no major contact beyond that. Next time, it was special, it felt different. Recently, for an outdoor family reunion, it just so happened that we were seated together and we practically spent the whole time chatting exclusively. I really love to make her laugh and I was doing just that, and so was she. Every now and then I'd get from her, what was probably a wholly innocent gesture, an arm touch and smile. I still refuse to read too much into this, this is uncharted waters and I know better than to treat it like the average crush. At one point during the party, a relative approached us and exclaimed to my cousin Cindy, "oh my, I thought this man was your boyfriend!" Our mutual relative was a little surprised when she realized it was me, but did not make a big deal or read too much into it. This made me back off, obviously my body language or a combination of ours both suggested we were a couple to anyone who did not know better. Cindy's reaction was amazing though, smiles and blush galore, she didn't even make an "Eww face" at the remark. Anyway, since then we have been texting occasionally, every other day, very short conversations because I know she is busy and a single mother. I remember one text she wrote, "I miss you." We exchange our problems and offer advice. On more than one occasion she mentioned how she just wants to be with a nice guy who accepts her, and how hard it is for her to find someone, I responded truthfully, that I'm pretty much in the same situation, looking for "Miss Right" and all that. We even spoke on the phone briefly, this is where it escalates a tiny bit.

Here is where it gets good, but really scary for me. This Saturday we have a date, for lack of a better word, or more accurately dinner and a movie. Yup, I went for it and she said yes! Holy holy crap! What do I do? I kind of have the evening planned, dinner at a nice restaurant, but I'm hoping to sub the movie with something romantic, like somewhere with a nice view of the city. I really just want to talk with her and spend time alone, and gauge her feelings a bit more. Anyway, I am out of my element here. I'm hoping someone reading this has been in a similar position. I am totally patient and would rather something happen organically on her end, than me trying to force it and be selfish. I would love tips for our date though, I will be myself of course, but I’m wondering if there’s little things I could say or do to hint at my romantic interest in her. I'm kind of nervous and don't want to make a fool of myself. 

I have strong feelings for Cindy. She's amazing in terms of her fortitude, strength, and outlook on life. She is beautiful inside and out, she makes me laugh, and is always on my mind lately. A part of me believes we don't choose who we fall in love with, and it's not often a girl makes me feel this way. There's definitely some magic there, I just can't tell if its of the romantic kind or not. 

Any advice from people who have been in similar situations, and my age group would be preferred, but all thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly in advance!



Edited by thevalar007
Shortened and fixed typos.

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It’s me, I changed my username, and am not sure how to edit or add, I no longer see the option. It went great! Her body language was positive, she playfully touched my leg and hand several times throughout the evening. I made her laugh a lot, we even went out for drinks afterwards. But I’m still worried she doesn’t understand exactly how I feel, or maybe she is turning a blind eye to it. When we went for drinks we ran in to some friends of hers, and she introduced me as her cousin, which is accurate but I took as a sign that she doesn’t see me as anything more than that. This did not stop me from pursuing her. The music at the bar was loud, so I was able to get close to her and whisper things in her ear, like jokes and comments, but it was not easy to hold a conversation because of the noise. A few times we joked that we looked like a couple, or at least on a date, but it didn’t have the reaction I hoped for. She moved past the subject after smiling and making a cute comment on the matter. When the night was over, before she went inside, there was no hug or kiss, or anything. This practically hurt a lot and I figured wither one of two things is happening here. Either she knows or suspects how I feel and doesn’t feel the same way, or she is oblivious to it altogether. I intend to keep hanging out with her and hopefully over time win her over. After last night I desire her even more, not just physically, I don’t have a lot of experience in that department, so my interest in her is beyond that. I’m pretty sure I will fall for this amazing woman if we continue to talk and chill. What say you?

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Hi and welcome to CC. Sounds like you are on the right track and not doing the pressure thing.

At some point that the two of you are together, use the ole tried and true line of something along the lines of

"if you weren't my cousin I would like to date you"..., or" you possess the qualities I am looking for / desire in a girlfriend..."

Make the words yours and that fit the scenario, however if she gives the EWWW factor then remind her you said IF.

She may immediately answer back with the same feelings or not or say nothing. Even if she doesn't say anything you

have planted a seed,  It may grow and one day she may just say "remember when...?" 


Either way, give her time, develop the friendship and see how things go.


Best wishes on your journey and keep us posted!

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Thank you so much for the advice and words of encouragement, I’m extremely grateful for response.

I expect to hang out with her again in the near future, I will definitely keep the pressure off, but plant the seed, then hope for something organic to occur.

I look forward to posting an update!

Thanks again!


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Hello! Quick update, we are hanging out tomorrow! It’s just for a short while, she’s coming over to help me with something, or rather I mentioned I needed a hand and she volunteered. We’re supposed to go out and shop for some stuff for the task (I’m being vague because I’m paranoid she will find this one day soon, as unlikely as that is). Except I prefer not to go anywhere, I rather we hang out at my place, maybe order take-out, have some drinks, and hopefully watch a movie. But the idea of shopping out in the real world has some appeal. If you see this before Tuesday 10/2/18, any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

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Thank you so much for the support and hope! We hung out as planned last week, and once since then. I have been flirting lightly and tried some of the advice I received so far, such as the “If we weren’t cousins gambit...” The response was neutral I’d say, she certainly didn’t scoff at the comment, nor did she agree or retort. She’s a hard read, for example, we are pretty much on a daily text basis, and even exchange phone calls too. However sometimes it feels like she’s on to me and every now and then she will reassure me that we are after all “family”, and “cousins”, not out of the blue but rather after a mutual moment of gratitude, or if there is related context. My feelings are growing, but I do not see myself confessing anything or making a move, so to speak, anytime soon. For now I genuinely am content spending time with her and growing our relationship. She’s been through a lot and has way more experience than me with romantic and life situations, plus she’s older by approximately 10 years, but this doesn’t matter to me, but I’m sure at this stage in her life she has a pretty clear idea of the kind of man she wants, or needs rather, and I’m almost positive I’m not it. I on the other hand have little experience with women and am probably a bit more “immature” than the type of guy she likes, more specifically I’m a bit of a geek, have no children unlike her, and am not really physically big and strong. I realize there’s more to attraction between two people than those things but I can’t but help consider it sometimes. And she’s beautiful to anyone that cares to look, so worse yet I’m worried she’ll meet Mr. Perfect before anything blossoms between us. I still have hope and appreciate all the love from you guys, thanks again and I whole heartedly wish you the best in your endeavors, romantic and otherwise.

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On 10/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, clayp72 said:

Seems to me the chemistry is there.  I really hope this pans out.  Keep us posted!!

Hello. It's been a while since I posted here, but it's mainly due to a lack of replies. I'm a newbie so I expected that to an extent, however it's hard to find support via my normal portals such as friends and family. There are 2 special friends that know my situation, but without any experience with my situation there isn't a lot of advise they feel comfortable offering. I've been using my best judgement, but it gets tough since conventional dating methods and tells don't really apply here. We have been hanging out regularly for a few months now and have grown closer. I still flirt with her and treat her like a love interest, so she can at least suspect my intentions. We plan to hang out this week, and I intend to tell her how I feel. I went over my thoughts and what I would say and am happy with my words. I think there is little chance that she will feel the same way, but I have hope. I'm going to go through with it and can't wait! Accepting all thoughts, advice (especially), and well wishes. Seasons Greetings to everyone!

Edited by MadMax007

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