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Parallel cousin marriage in India

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I am from India and here parallel cousin marriages are seen as taboo, but here cross cousin marriages are common.I seriously love my mother's sister's daughter too much, I feel guilty and embraced about it ,I have no sisterly feeling about her unlike other cousins, It felt weird.

I decided to propose her but was very afraid that she will feel bad but one day proposed her but alas she said "No I never expected this from u, u have done so wrong thing, u should have shame to think about ur sister this way  "  she is of traditional thoughts , she complained myself  to her mother . Now she is gonna marry , after 4 months from now, she is gonna marry to her cross cousin (her father's sister's daughter) . I tried to convince her but all in vein 

I can't live without her, I want to do suicide

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