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Hello!

So here it goes, I have a cousin who lives in the US, she’s half american half filipino. She’s 14 years old and I’m 23. I finished my bachelors degree in nursing. I don’t have a boyfriend as of now(by choice). It came to a point that we became really close with this cousin of mine, we talked about problems, family , dreams, anything under the sun. Until we came into a point when she started kissing me, I was shocked! And acted that it never happened since we promised each other not to do it again. Days have passed until I got really drunk, we sleep in the same bed, I closed my eyes, and she started kissing me, really hard. I was really dizzy and tired at that time so I just let her, Until she touches me below the belt and I said stop, the next day she was embarrassed with what she did and acted like it was a dream so I confronted her, until she said sorry. I told her that I won’t let that thing separate us, and I forgave her and put everything behind. I also told her that I am willing to do it over and over again so that she will not feel guilty because I dont want to lose ny cousin. I did exactly what she did that night and ended up doing it over and over again. We asked our selves if it’s right. She told me it’s not, but its not wrong either. What we did is a choice we both consented. 

 Is it wrong? Is it immoral? We’re pretty surewe’re straight, but why do we keep on doing this? 

 Am I inlove with my cousin?

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is it wrong? yes. on SO many levels. let's just start with the fact that she is FOURTEEN and you're 23! even though you keep saying you were a willing participant, you lay the responsibility squarely on her shoulders for initiating the kissing every time. who's the adult here? get your hormones under control. she is just a CHILD. it doesn't matter if she started it, you've got nearly a decade of experience when it comes to controlling your impulses. at least you should have, anyway. do you understand that you could go to prison for having this kind of relationship with her? 

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Wait, I can go to prison for this? Is it statutory rape? Uhm right now we are not doing anything she went back to america, and I really hope it will not happen again. Thank you 

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i don't know about where you are, but in america, yes, it is statutory rape and is a criminal offense. we're not just talking jail time, we're talking a lifetime of having to be publically registered as a sex offender, which limits how close you can live to schools, how much distance you must maintain from any public playground, and a whole host of other things. not just for a few years, but for the rest of your life.

i suppose you should be glad she's the one in america and not you.

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But she can’t be charged anything just because she’s young? Are we even straight for doing this? This was my first time, and never did imagine doing this to the same sex as I am, especially my cousin. 

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I doubt she could be charged with anything. She's the minor, you are the responsible party. It may sound insane, but even thought "she started it", in the eyes of the law here in the states, she could not legal consent to any sexual activity. 

So let's consider your other question. Are you (and she) even straight for doing this.

My guess is that you are probably both straight, but that's only my guess. MY opinion is that our culture, the media, and whatever, has so "normalized" abnormal behavior that it has left an entire generation just like you... confused. Just like your username indicates, and just as you have expressed twice in this thread.

I know that society (and many people here on this forum, even) wants to destroy the notion that sexual experimentation outside of the marriage bed in a same-sex union is abnormal, but it is. There is a reason that God prohibits certain types of relationships. And it's not because He wants to stifle us. Rather, it's because He wants us to experience sex the way HE intended it to be. Beautiful, nurturing, intimate, and life-long. Sex outside of those boundaries is a cheap imitation of His most precious gift to us.

Now, I say this while fully acknowledging that I was promiscuous when I was younger. But here's the thing. With age comes hindsight. And although I am very happy in my marriage and will be celebrating 20 years in January, I have struggled my entire life with THAT aspect of my marriage being as fulfilling as I know it should be. Not because my husband isn't good enough, but because there are so many images and memories in my head that I struggle to keep turned off so that I can enjoy giving myself 100% to the man I'm devoted to. 

I've never experimented with another woman, but just like you and everybody else here, I've seen images that have stuck in my head. In my younger years, those images were pretty much limited to pornography viewing. For your generation though, it has been brought into the mainstream media and you can't escape it. And then society pushes this agenda that makes young people feel guilty of bigotry and phobias if they don't swing both ways.

Don't let society teach you what is right and what isn't. Every society throughout history has been full of screwed up agendas, and our current one is no exception. 

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Im really greatful for your time talking to me. I hope you will have more years to come in your life, and more blessings as well. As for me, yeah I know what is right and wrong, but it’s like I can’t refuse brcause I love her way too much to refuse( love like a family tho) maybe that’s why I kept on questioning myself, I kept on saying that there is nothing wrong when obviously it is wrong all the time. Well nothing will change the way I talked to her until now, so I really hope that It will not happen again. But right now just last night her mom reads our conversation so I really hope she did not read about what happened.

And yes you are right, society is really messed up right now. It is up to us to listen to them.

Again thanks for your precious time. Really love talking to u

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taylor, you're welcome for me taking the time. i do want you to consider though that perhaps the reason you can't refuse is because the excitement of NOT refusing is more than you can handle. true love, in every sense of the world, is about doing what is right for the other person. giving in to her sexually is not really serving her best interest, is it? 

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Yes. We won’t be doing it. She was just curious and all, and I was using my heart instead of my mind at that time. It was really a mistake, maybe not a mistake. It’s a choice. I did not regretted anything tho. And we come into a point of not doing it. Hopefully, we will be seeing each other two years from now so I will hope for the best. 

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