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RiyanSaleem

The friendship between me and my FIRST COUSIN is declining. Please help.

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I am deeply attracted to my first cousin (Female) for the past 10 years. We are of the same age (23). 

We talk like siblings and she values me like a brother even though she is not very open about her secrets.

She knew I had a crush on her since the very beginning when I started texting her weird chat messages. She barely replies me anything at all. Her attitude towards me sometimes tells she was never okay with it. While meeting, I can see her trying to forgive me and act normal but she often end up insulting me and my life.

I stopped texting her and then she comes and teases me on the context to why am I not texting her. This urges me to text her and in return I get cold replies from her again. She is trying to flip me.

Last month during a cousin reunion, she insulted me too much because now she is also engaged. She insults on how geeky and weird I am. She even told that I need to get a girlfriend. This hurts me. But the irony is her fiancé is a nerd too. 

Even my relatives know about this situation. I guess she told herself to them about it. But they all go on like this never happened. I guess it is too unholy for them to even talk about. Her brother even came and said that he is ashamed to have me as her cousin. Her sister said a person like me don't deserve her. I feel humiliated.

Her father and mother are second cousins. One of my second cousin brother told me that my crush cousin must've thought she would marry him (just like the way her parents did) because she had a thing on him too. Looking at her face then, it was as if what he said was true. 

Why am i insulted? Is it because I am jobless and my family is not on their status level? Or is it because all my relatives including my cousin knew about me sexually playing with my 2 year old second cousin when I was 13?  (I totally regret that). I think I screwed up a lot within the family.

 

During college, we lived in the same city. I used to meet her with the rest of our cousins in the city. After our cousins left we rarely met. One night, She came to understand the guy she was dating with was also my roommate. She confronted me and asked if I was OK with her relation with him. In the beginning I didn't mind but slowly I secretly started reading their text conversations. I found out she was mad about him and they slept on the same beds. On the other hand, my cousin starts calling and texting me everyday asking about my life. She even willingly told she was ready to say anything about her past relationships to me. I declined and stood away from her as I lost all my respect for her. This women was suddenly ready to expose her life for me because she was dating my friend. Such a drama. I stopped seeing her for the rest of my college days.

Many months later the eminent happens. I hear my cousin's family got her engaged. Maybe she thought I'd text her asking but I didn't. She did not text me telling the news until a month later. She said she should've mentioned me before and I said it was alright. We met for the first time again on a family occasion. On seeing me, she glared at me because she hadn't expected me there. She said what's going on and I replied I got nothing to talk. '' useless as you can get" came her reply. I could see her father was a little uneasy on seeing me. I could see my cousin was clinging beside him like a good innocent girl when he was asking me about things. (What a bitch)

I texted her and asked her about her previous relation with my roomie. I said I couldnt even get close to her as my roomie once did. She declined by saying she stopped seeing him and she was never close with him at all. She even asked me why I didnt see her for more than a year? But then I accused her of all the WhatsApp texts she gave him and she either denies any of that happened or says she doesn't remember at all. She said it was all years ago and she doesn't want to talk about it because she is getting engaged. 

Once when I and my roomie was drunk. He confessed to me heartbroken that he knew the relation between me and my cousin was not even close.

I told this to her and she rejected this also by texting she would never feel that and she says to everyone that she was closest to me. I feel like my cousin is flattering me like an idiot. If she was close enough. Why did she take a month to tell me that she was getting married?

So I blocked her on Instagram but I gave up and friend requested her again because I couldn't help it. She hasn't added me till now. So i think this is it. She won't.

Lately. She came to my house during a function. I refused to talk to her.

We met yesterday at her house and she didn't even come to talk with me. Nor did I go to her. I feel really weird in front of her family.

It is best that I just forget her because I cannot be the same innocent cousins again. My feelings for her is so sexual and many nights have passed thinking about her alone. I plan not to attend her wedding in upcoming months  (should I?) I feel I may have rushed emotions when seeing her again. 

What do you people say? 

 

 

Edited by RiyanSaleem
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1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

I am deeply attracted to my first cousin (Female) for the past 10 years. We are of the same age (23). 

We talk like siblings and she values me like a brother even though she is not very open about her secrets.

She knew I had a crush on her since the very beginning when I started texting her weird chat messages. She barely replies me anything at all. Her attitude towards me sometimes tells she was never okay with it. While meeting, I can see her trying to forgive me and act normal but she often end up insulting me and my life. Lately it has become too much because she got engaged. This hurts me. 

Even the whole family knows about this situation. I guess she told herself to them about it. But they all go on like this never happened. I guess it is too unholy for them to even talk about. Her brother even came and said that he is ashamed to have me as her cousin. Her sister said a person like me don't deserve her. I feel humiliated.

Her father and mother are second cousins. So I don't know why she and they need to get so angry on me for liking a cousin. Maybe because old times are unlike modern times?

Nope. I highly doubt it that they got angry because of you merely liking her (your cousin).. That's not the point -- it is about the other things that you have done that made them angry and annoyed. During the span of 10 years, you became a needy pushy guy who are obsessed with this girl. And so you text and text and got hurt and text some more and you become weird and creepy around her. Now you are humiliated. And the clan became angry because you are an annoying guy trying to disturb her peace. So you know what bro? Here's my suggestion: Leave her alone. Let her be. She got her guy and you should move on as well. 

Now on to other part of your post:

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

I stopped texting her and then she comes and teases me on the context to why am I not texting her. This urges me to text her and in return I get cold replies from her again. She is trying to flip me.

I doubt that this is really the case. Copy-paste here the text message and let's see if she really "teased" you. I bet otherwise; she just asked how you are doing just like any other person how is your life doing and how come you fall off the radar or something like that...or even as relatives. Definitely not that she has interest in you or anything or that she has some plans like she is trying to flip you. Nope.

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

During college, we lived in the same city. I used to meet her with the rest of our cousins in the city. After our cousins left we rarely met. One night, She came to understand the guy she was dating with was also my roommate. She confronted me and asked if I was OK with her relation with him. In the beginning I didn't mind but slowly I secretly started reading their text conversations. I found out she was mad about him and they slept on the same beds. On the other hand, my cousin starts calling and texting me everyday asking about my life. She even willingly told she was ready to say anything about her past relationships to me. I declined and stood away from her as I lost all my respect for her. This women was suddenly ready to expose her life for me because she was dating my friend. Such a drama. I stopped seeing her for the rest of my college days.

Many months later the eminent happens. I hear my cousin's family got her engaged. Maybe she thought I'd text her asking but I didn't. She did not text me telling the news until a month later. She said she should've mentioned me before and I said it was alright. We met for the first time again on a family occasion. On seeing me, she glared at me because she hadn't expected me there. She said what's going on and I replied I got nothing to talk. '' useless as you can get" came her reply. I could see her father was a little uneasy on seeing me. I could see my cousin was clinging beside him like a good innocent girl when he was asking me about things. (What a bitch)

Exactly my friend. You are obsessed with this girl. You are jealous that your roommate got her. Then you tried "protecting" this girl from your asshole roommate. But what's the return? Nothing. No gratitude at all. You are the knight in the shining armour saving the princess -- except that the princess does not care about u (or probably that was harsh -- she just does not see you that way).

So now you lost respect for her. Perfect! Then you should have moved on man.. Date other girls more beautiful and hotter than her. Forget her! But nope... you didn't do that didn't you? You still kinda "expected" that she will patch things up when she got engaged and you have your little scenario/drama over your head that involves "you and her". Dude, that is not real...What was real was she is engaged. You tried going "I got nothing to talk" reply as if that will trigger something from her. Of course not. If you have said truthfully at that time that "Hey cous! I got a gf too! Hotter than you by the way. harharhar!" guess what? It would have been better. Either she have felt differently or you would have felt differently. But sheesh.. You got trampled like doormat by this girl and by your own self-made reality playing on your head. You gotta snap out of it man!

 Now here's comes the kicker:

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

I texted her and asked her about her previous relation with my roomie. I said I couldnt even get close to her as my roomie once did. She declined by saying she stopped seeing him and she was never close with him at all. But then I accused her of all the WhatsApp texts she gave him and she either denies any of that happened or says she doesn't remember at all. She said it was all years ago and she doesn't want to talk about it because she is getting engaged

Exactly bro! OMG. The story gets cringier and cringer as I read it. Oh man.. I don't know if I will feel bad for you or something.. I feel like I owe you a SHAKE or something so you can snap out of this girl. She is engaged but then you are focusing on whatsapp messages!? Come on dude.. I bet she has 30 or 40 more whatsapp messages with different guys for all I know. But the point is -- she is engaged and she got a guy and that's about that. Those whatsapp texts are just real AT THAT TIME. After the time has past, all of those are merely part of history -- they are not real anymore. You might as well delete all of that. Those are useless. And so of course that's what she's gonna say, "Those are all years ago man! Why you bringing this up!?"

Exactlyyyyy....

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

Once when I and my roomie was drunk. He confessed to me heartbroken that he knew the relation between me and my cousin was not even close.

I told this to her and she rejected this also by texting she would never feel that and she says to everyone that she was closest to me. I feel like my cousin is flattering me like an idiot. If she was close enough. Why did she take a month to tell me that she was getting married?

Whether you guys are close or not. It is relative to the situation anyways. That's nothing man.. You are merely grasping at straws..... Geez.

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

So I blocked her on Instagram but I gave up and friend requested her again because I couldn't help it. She hasn't added me till now. So i think this is it.

Exactly this is it..... coz you know what? Coz you creeped her out. You got upset so in the heat of your emotion you blocked her. She is happy, got her life now, so she does not care at all for you..or probably she does it's just that she got her own life too you know and you have to figure out your own life as well. But then instead of moving forward with your life you friend requested her again... Gosh man.. Of course she won't accept that..coz she is busy with her life... and she has her own schedule...and own mood whether she wants to accept you or not. It's not like she is obsessed at you like you do to her! And so yep. this is it.. I mean, honestly, this is even better for you that you guys got no contact..

1 hour ago, RiyanSaleem said:

She came to my house during a function. I dint go talk to her. While the party ended just before she was leaving she comes and say why dont I talk?

We met yesterday at her house and she didn't even come to talk with me. Nor did I go to her. I feel really weird in front of her family.

It is best that I just forget her because I cannot be the same innocent cousins again. My feelings for her is so sexual and many nights have passed thinking about her alone. I plan not to attend her wedding in upcoming months because I feel I may have rushed emotions when seeing her again

Thanks for the honesty bro.. And there are lots of people here that might be able to help you out. But yeah, when she was about to leave and asked you "why don't you talk", that's nothing man.. You just say, "Just not feeling well, that's all"... It's small talk.. It's nothing.. I bet after 10 seconds, she even forgot already that she asked you that question. lol. But here you are, acting so weird about it and making it a big deal, the same goes with her family.

So yes sir, it is best that you just forget her. If it will bring you sanity not to attend her wedding, then don't go. You are an adult and you got a life of your own and stuff. Why go to this freaking wedding man? You see her not as cousin anyway --- but as a potential mate. And so it's better for you to stay at home or do something else rather than self-embarrassing yourself or hurting yourself with all of this charade.

Snap out of it man!

 

 

Pooch

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@pooch

If this cousin is smart. She could've plainly said to stop thinking about her. She never said. Was she so busy? or was it the more attention the better? she made me go beat around the bush.

Instead she goes behind and presumably complains to her guardians. Then came and insulted me whenever she felt frustrated. Now after engagement I hear for the first time she says I badly need a girlfriend.

I am totally fine from your reply, man. Maybe you did fix me so much.

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