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69 Shades of Cuz.

Both I, and my cousin have read a lot of trials and tribulations on this site and have laughed and related to so many of them its uncanny. The moral (man made) implications of falling, being in love with, wanting to love your cousin are complicated. We to have done all the research and find this site to be unique. I commend all of you that have taken the time to share your thoughts and feelings......it has helped us both tremendously. Sooooo let me share our story......

I was Born in Boise ID in 1964. My life as a butched toe headed blonde hair boy was good. I had a wonderful childhood for the most part and I'll tell you when the "Cuzinski" thing started to happen. I was 8 or 9 swimming at Lucky Peak park after a beach ball in the water....every time I got close to the ball the waves would push it further away, I swam and swam to the point of exhaustion. I remember wanting to say 'help" because I knew I wasn't going to make it. That's when I met my angel. My cousin was there.....saw me struggling....swam out to me and grabbed me. She was taller than me at that time and just held me up. I remember looking into her eyes and she said " you ok Bri?".  And so it began....Many nights were spent with my cousin, sleeping under the stars, looking for spaceships, pointing to the stars and touching our finger tips together. It would become a touch that in my latter years would make me realize that a true love belongs to a soul that sees you....through you....into you.

Fast forward a life.....40 years of creating, building, loving your own family. There were times in-between that our lives crossed paths but they were fleeting at best. She was doing this, I was doing that. And for some reason life and God decided to let me know that enough was enough. The pursuit of riches and the false insecurity it would create was not going to fulfill me. So life turned for me at the age of 48. I left the Company I'd worked for 24 years to move back to ID. Never was there a thought of reuniting with my cousin. I just wanted change from the rat race and rain of western Washington. I was not prepared for a chance meeting who I would eventually realize I'd loved all my life.

We had a family get together at my mothers house and all my favorite cousins were there......including her. I was awe struck by how beautiful she looked at the age of 52. She was in great shape, obviously exercised, ate well, and was the same happy person of my youth. My wife (at the time) noticed the immediate attraction. We would eventually divorce after 28 years latter that summer for reasons other than my cousin.

I went into a stupor for a short time. My health was not good. I was diagnosed with an extreme case of cerebellar ataxia, legs not working that well. This is when the miracle occurred. My cousin stepped in...I had (and always will have) an alcohol problem. She came to me on a night that I was not right minded and cared for me. She "Bitch Slapped" me in a very kind way and proceeded to tell me about all of her battles with alcohol, marriage, and other disorders. She was kind, loving, concerned.......she was the same angel that saved me as a boy.

After that night a reckoning took place. Somehow I was able to talk her into going on a quad ride to Leslie Gulch where we laid under the stars on a lounge chair in the warm summer heat and gazed at the stars. She touched her finger to mine that night. The same as she did when we star gazed as kids. We rode out of the canyon that night with the lights off. Only the moonlight to guide us. Her face was nestled into my back and the shadows on the cliffs, the quiet of the night, the silhouette's of the landscape, made me remember how much I truly loved this person. Always have.

We have since been Zip lining at Tamarack, taken a hot air balloon ride over Boise, Played strip ping pong, and numerous silly card games. Movies, quiet nights, built a massage room, and we talk. We talk about anything, and neither one of us is afraid to express or say whatever it is that's on our mind at the time.  She is the most beautiful person I will ever know, meet, love. And she is my cousin.  For those of you contemplating feelings of being in love with your cousin remember these words as they ring true in all of life....." The only thing to fear is fear itself"...if you truly love someone......let it be.

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