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Elle le

Cannot forget my ex cousin 2 years after breakup

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My first cousin and I fell in love and got into a serious relationship in 2014. Although he lived in the US and I lived in Canada, we constantly skyped one another to keep our long distance relationship alive. He flew to Canada twice in Winter 2014 and December 2015 to spend time with me. However, in December 2016 - 2 days before my flight to the US to visit him - he broke up over the phone with me while spending time with his family in Florida. It was my fault because while we were in a long distance relationship, there was a guy friend who was interested in me and I told my cousin about it. I was devastated when he broke up with me out of jealousy. Out of anger and hurt, I got into a rebound relationship with that guy friend. 

After we broke up, my cousin didn't text or call me. I texted him a few times and he did reply me. I could feel that my cousin still has feeling for me. However, whenever I asked him if he still had feeling for me, he would run away from the question. It has been 2 years now but I still miss my cousin so much. Right now, I am still in a relationship with the other guy while my cousin remains single. I tried to move on but I've dreamt of my cousin and even thought of buying an air ticket to fly to the US to see my cousin and ask him to come back to me many times.  

I hid all these secrets from my boyfriend because he is a very good guy. He treats me very well. I do have feeling for him to but it's no way comparable to the intense love I once felt for my cousin. I feel bad for treating my boyfriend this way. At the same time, I don't want to hurt him or have the courage to tell him the truth.

Even if I break up with my boyfriend now, I cannot stay in the same place with my cousin. I am applying for Canadian Permanent Resident (PR) and he is a US PR. That means, we cannot be in the same place until we both have US and Canadian citizens, so at least another 3-year long distance relationship if he agrees to get back together. 

Is it normal to still miss your cousin 2 years after breaking up? Should I break up with my current boyfriend and ask my cousin to come back to me? I thought time would heal everything, however, it's been 2 years and I still have feeling for my cousin. I am so confused. What should I do?

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Hi

Quick question. Where are you guys originally from? 

What cultural background and ethnicities are u guys?

Pooch

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Hi Pooh,

Thanks for asking! I'm so sorry for not replying you for so long. I've been having some problem with my account. The account "Elle le" was blocked for some reasons. We're both from Vietnam.

 

 

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On 1/31/2019 at 5:23 PM, Elle le said:

Is it normal to still miss your cousin 2 years after breaking up? Should I break up with my current boyfriend and ask my cousin to come back to me?

It's not unusual to still miss an old flame after an extended time.  But your cousin has already given you an answer to how he feels by letting you go and not responding to your texts.  My best advice?  Break up with your current BF; you're being unfair to him.  Then go about living your life.  Find some girls you can hang out with, take an art class, develop your professional skills, volunteer, make yourself valuable to the Canadian economy; in other words, get outside of your regular routine and shake up your life a little bit.  Eventually you will find someone you thinks you are the bees knees and your cousin will be a distant memory.

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Well Elle le, lots of people say that their cousin crush was the most intense relationship they ever had. It certainly doesn't mean that your current boyfriend is not the one for you. He could be. Sometimes we want what we can't have and right now it is not feasible to date your cousin.

Forget about your cousin. If he wants you, he will come after you. He is acting like a silly little kid -- so let him be. You have a life to live.

But the question is, " is it normal to still miss your cousin 2 years after breaking up? " There is no time limit for grief or a break-up. However, two years seem to be streatching it -- hense the "sometimes we want what we can't have." I don't have all of the answers here but I am with Serendipity. Do whatever it takes to get you over your cousin, who does not seem to care for you.

 

 

 

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