Jump to content
JustARandom

Long story, I'm not sure how to proceed

Recommended Posts

I immigrated to the US from an Asian country in 2006. Recently, I went on a vacation to said country, where I met my second cousin, who I will refer to as Y from now on, during a trip to her mother's house. This was the first time I had met her, we had no previous contact by all means. She is petite and has these large, beautiful eyes. I didn't think too much of her at first, I just thought of her as a cute little sister I never had. Fast forward a few weeks, I planned a trip to a popular tourist destination, and had asked my mother and her friend to come along. I also tried asking a female 1st cousin (I have fond memories of her as a child, this one is an actual sister figure), but she was very busy with work. It was then I got a text from Y, it reminded me "Oh hey, I have this relative who I barely know and talked to! I should probably invite her".

I gave Y a call and asked if she wanted to come along and explained the procedures. While I'm in my mid 20s, Y is a 18 years old "country" girl who had just left her small town to start university in a large city. Education in this country is very expensive for an average income house, and there's no low interest, government subsidized loan program for students. Knowing that Y is likely struggling financially, I offered to cover her trip expenses. I'll never forget the joy in her voice, she was shaking with excitement.

Came the first day of the trip, I made space on the bench for Y when I saw her. Y said hello politely to all of us, and sat closer to my mother's side. I could see that she was reserved around me. Then we boarded the bus, because of a last minute ticket request, one of us had to give up our seat to sit in the back, I volunteered. A few minutes later, they sorted out the issue, and I got to sit next to Y while my mother and her friend sat on the other side of the aisle. We talked during the entire bus ride, finding out more about each other.

By the third and fourth day, we had almost no reservation left. Y would regularly hold my hand and lead me into outdoor markets while explaining the local culture to me. All the markets are usually very crowded and sometimes only have enough room for one person walking. A vendor joked loudly "Hey you lovebirds stop holding hands, there's no space here!". I laughed while Y sported an embarrassed smile, and immediately withdrew her hand. At night (we shared the same hotel room, different beds), she would massage my back and shoulders, which slightly ache from my time in the military. She would also give me massages on the bus when she sees me being uncomfortable sitting still. On the last day of our trip, Y rested her head on my shoulder, locked her arms with mine and told me she wants a boyfriend just like me. I chuckled and didn't think much of it.

A few weeks later, Y and a few family friends accompanied my family to the airport leaving for the states. As I was leaving for good, Y burst into tears. I hugged her while she kept telling me to get away. We still keep in touch, I'm currently going to college.  She said she will save money every month and wait for the day I come back to go on trips with me. She also said she'll remain single so she can spend time with me when I visit.

Aside from her beauty, Y is very kind and respectful to elders and is a smart student. She also seems to care a lot about me. Being the idiot that I am, I confessed my feelings for her over text. She told me when she said she wanted a boyfriend like me, she meant one that would pay attention to her as much as I did. She doesn't think badly of me for speaking out, and she'll continue to treat me normally. I acknowledged and wished her goodnight. Should I give her some space and back off? If so I'm afraid my feelings will wane with time and she'll forget about me. I'm unsure of what to do next.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Update:
I am so angry right now. She finally admitted to having feelings for me, but only "used to". She now considers me a "brother". Before this she would tell me "if only we weren't cousins" and "I think you're creating distance between us" (I unfollowed her on instagram). I told her about how we can marry according to the law, how I will try to convince everybody. She said she thinks they won't accept us and that she's sorry, she can't (see me as a lover). Now she's avoiding chatting with me, and she won't send me her pictures like before. I've never been so frustrated and angry before, I want to tell her so badly how much of a coward she is, how she only thinks for herself, how she wouldn't give me a chance while I'm ready to fight for her till the bitter end, that I'm ready to be her shield and receive any possible venom from prospective family members. I need a space to vent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I lost control of myself so I texted her a  bunch of angry questions and called her a coward. She has seen the text but hasn't responded. Her mother knows about my infatuation for her. This is the end, I suppose.

Edited by JustARandom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Feelings can change, maybe hers changing is due to her fear of the relationship with you.

She has given you her decision and you must abide by it, even if it isn't what you want the outcome to be.

So losing control of yourself probably wasn't  a good thing to do. And her not responding has told you all

 you need about any future with her, at least for now.  You need to work on moving on with your life for now.

Who knows what the future may hold.

I wish you well on your journey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Romalee, I'm blocked on all social media, can't say I didn't see it coming as I was acting like a desperate stalker by constantly calling her while she was studying for exams. Her mom remained very supportive and gently told me  to forget about her and worry about my future instead (you are a wonderful woman auntie!). I lost both my cousin and the girl I love, the whole thing felt like a nightmare though it was lethargic and relieving in a strange way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, JustARandom said:

Thank you Romalee, I'm blocked on all social media, can't say I didn't see it coming as I was acting like a desperate stalker by constantly calling her while she was studying for exams. Her mom remained very supportive and gently told me  to forget about her and worry about my future instead (you are a wonderful woman auntie!). I lost both my cousin and the girl I love, the whole thing felt like a nightmare though it was lethargic and relieving in a strange way.

You feel you can't salvage it anymore, eh? If you give up already, then it is what it is... :( You are right in saying that you acted like a very desperate  stalker and constantly on her. That will just drive her away. But I understand your sentiment.. At the very least, provide a closure, eh? That sucks man.  You see, feelings don't change that quickly man. It may over time, but not too quickly especially if you guys went LDR for a bit. You can gauge this -- but I guess you guessed wrong. You win some, you lose some. You gambled and lost.

However, don't get upset. There's a lot of girls in college man! :) Cheer up! :)

 

Pooch

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

You feel you can't salvage it anymore, eh? If you give up already, then it is what it is... :( You are right in saying that you acted like a very desperate  stalker and constantly on her. That will just drive her away. But I understand your sentiment.. At the very least, provide a closure, eh? That sucks man.  You see, feelings don't change that quickly man. It may over time, but not too quickly especially if you guys went LDR for a bit. You can gauge this -- but I guess you guessed wrong. You win some, you lose some. You gambled and lost.

 

 

I don't know if we will be on speaking terms in the future. But I need some time to come to terms with my feelings and emotions. I certainly won't give up if she doesn't give up on me, I will always be there for her. But this whole event has made me realized how desperate and pushy I was. I should add that I have never ever acted like this before, I was going crazy. The thing is, I wish she would just have a heart-to-heart talk with me rather than just avoiding me, I was internalizing all my frustrations. According to her mother, she was scared and she is indeed still very young so she told me to give her time to mature. I needed this kick in the arse to get my stuff together, I was obsessed with her 24/7 and I couldn't think of anything else and had constant negative thoughts.

 

Quote

However, don't get upset. There's a lot of girls in college man! :) Cheer up! :)

Thanks man! Haha, ain't that what everybody says. Yea sure, that girl is really hot and has a nice personality, but is she the person I fell in love with? :)

Edited by JustARandom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like there's no way out. I'm thinking of killing myself to end the misery, though it would break what's left of my heart to know my parents will suffer. I don't know what to do.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't kill yourself.  Get help.  Phone a suicide-prevention line.  Things will get better, life will settle down.  Prayer will help too.  I'll pray for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/10/2019 at 1:55 AM, JustARandom said:

I feel like there's no way out. I'm thinking of killing myself to end the misery, though it would break what's left of my heart to know my parents will suffer. I don't know what to do.

No, don't do that man. It must be hard to deal with broken heart but time heals all wounds. I can't tell you how to forget about her because I am in similar boat, but I can tell you how you can get over a heartbreak. Find something to get your mind off her. Read books, find a hobby, join a club, make a journal on computer and write down your thoughts daily, meditate. Talk to real-life friends you trust.

Life is way too precious to give up on. Never give up, my friend, no matter how hopeless it may seem at times. You have so much to live for! Don't let one situation bring you to your knees. If she doesn't love you, so what? You have to love yourself more than anything and you have a long life ahead of you! Don't allow her to dictate how you live or who you are. Allow time to smooth things out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote
On 4/11/2019 at 5:58 AM, Ambra_Flows said:

Don't kill yourself.  Get help.  Phone a suicide-prevention line.  Things will get better, life will settle down.  Prayer will help too.  I'll pray for you.

 

On 4/15/2019 at 9:28 AM, calmncool said:

No, don't do that man. It must be hard to deal with broken heart but time heals all wounds. I can't tell you how to forget about her because I am in similar boat, but I can tell you how you can get over a heartbreak. Find something to get your mind off her. Read books, find a hobby, join a club, make a journal on computer and write down your thoughts daily, meditate. Talk to real-life friends you trust.

Life is way too precious to give up on. Never give up, my friend, no matter how hopeless it may seem at times. You have so much to live for! Don't let one situation bring you to your knees. If she doesn't love you, so what? You have to love yourself more than anything and you have a long life ahead of you! Don't allow her to dictate how you live or who you are. Allow time to smooth things out.

Hey thanks for the advice guys. I'm actually very embarrassed so I haven't posted for awhile. I don't know what was going on with my mind when I typed those words. I've gotten busy since and it helped tremendously, but yea, that was a very low point in my life. But I've mostly moved past the shock and grief stage and now I'm in a much calmer state of mind. It's definitely difficult to cope since this isn't something you can share freely with other people who aren't in the same boat. Looking back I realize how stupid and weak I sounded, I wish there's an option to delete posts haha.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...