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It is a long story but let say my feelings where not reciprocated. There was some fighting, ignoring from both sides and most importantly we haven't really ever discussed the issue in a calm and friendly matter mostly because my cousin would just turn and leave. Now I know the advice would be for me to let go and move on ( I tried) but the problem is she is still my cousin and  I care for her as one but the tension and unresolved issues are creating some stress on our family. + to say I can't really cut her completely from my life.  So I am looking for a way to approach her and make her open up and let go of all bad feelings she keeps inside so maybe we can move on as normal cousins. 

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Physical violence Vito?

If a lady tells you that she doesn't want to be with you then you need to listen to her. If there has already been physical violence from either of you then you frankly need your head examined if you want to pursue this relationship. Don't even think about it. Let her go and good riddance to the drama. I'm begging: do you both a favor and move on.

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First there was no psihical or verbal violence nor did I ever try to force her to be with me. I did make a mistake of asking second time after some time thinking that maybe considering taboo about such relationships she would need some time to process it.   But the problem is that although after that I tried to act normally and let things go she still held some form of gruge on me or something and that made me back off completely.  So for couple of years even on the street I wouldn't say hi or anything even when she would look at me and expect from me to say something  but deep inside I felt that it is not right time and that if I say anything it would put me in position of only one to blame since her lack of empathy toward my feelings made the mess out of something that should have been simple I don't feel the same way but I want hold your feelings against you  and we would still be ok.  But I have noticed that although ugly and something I never thought I will do ignoring tactic  made some results and I felt change in her behaviour towards me.  Well now the question is how to approach her again ( not romantic way) in a way that will rebuild trust between us but not something where I need to apologize or similar thing cuz although good person there is something that makes my cousin very avengful and mean towards a person that she thinks wrong her in any way like she completely changes and she has a way to over dramatize situations. So my question is since I will go trough  text what should I write her that will say I am sorry that things went this far but I will take only half of blame. It is maybe how to reason with unreasonable person 

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You can't rebuild trust with anyone with that attitude! 

Your cousin never considered you as her romantic partner, so her reaction was normal. You think so highly of yourself and playing a victim here 😐, trust me it does not look impressive at all. 

If you dislike her so much, why do you even care to fix everything? U are so confused or not yet healed, give some more time.

 

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Well i am God's gift to humanity LOL. Maybe true I don't know can't be objective about myself.Really busting my head about it. I can't really go through all the details too much writing. But the point is I know she cares for me.  So why all the drama making I mean once upon the time she really liked my don't give a fu.k attitude. Was she hurt by me acting like be my girl or I want nothing with u at the begining.  Because that was my way before but I have to say that i really start caring  for her on a deeper level and I would like for us to make cousins thing work. And yes my attitude probably the biggest problem here but very hard for me to keep it at leash.

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What do you mean by cousins thing? 🤔 and that you care for her at much deeper level what does that mean? lol

U seem so confused! First of all, cut through the confusion. If you care for her romantically on a deeper level then you can't be normal cousins! 

U r just thinking about yourself and what U want! May god bless u ☺.

 

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48 minutes ago, Vito91 said:

Well i am God's gift to humanity LOL. Maybe true I don't know can't be objective about myself.Really busting my head about it. I can't really go through all the details too much writing. But the point is I know she cares for me.  So why all the drama making I mean once upon the time she really liked my don't give a fu.k attitude. Was she hurt by me acting like be my girl or I want nothing with u at the begining.  Because that was my way before but I have to say that i really start caring  for her on a deeper level and I would like for us to make cousins thing work. And yes my attitude probably the biggest problem here but very hard for me to keep it at leash.

Also, maybe you are overthinking. Maybe she never liked u or cared for u the way you are assuming or do you guys communicate with a secrete code language? Lol

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You really on a roll here. What else ? 

Truth liberates. Lol 

I really have no idea she doesn't want to talk about it. So yes there are some questions I would like to ask but won't get an answer probably. 

So should I be like her happiness is most important and some positive thoughts or meditation. Maybe praying I heard that works out great Lol.

Dumb jokes aside.

I think she cares probably not as much I would like to but she does. And about me thinking about my self to be honest she would be the one getting the better part of any sort of relationship so in a way I am sacrificing my self so she could get something she probably never dreamt of being possible. 

But people are dumb  always think if  something comes easy It has lower value. 

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I am not your cousin so I don't care about what you do. 

I don't know qhat sacrifice you are talking about.. but you are too full of yourself. Drink, spliff or medidate, do whatever but clear your thoughts.

 

Edited by lmknjbhvgc

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Well my main problem is that the first time I admitted my feelings towards her I was very insecure about my self, crazy in love with her even admired her profoundly and most importantly totally afraid of her reaction and terrified  about us being cousins and me having feelings for her.  Like after admitting how I felt I asked her to block me before that I unfrended   her 6-7 Times on Fb  every time she would accept me back I even said I  never wanted to see her again...

I didn't know how to deal with my feelings towards her, was very jealous in fact all I wanted was to stop feeling anything  for her. It hit me too hard too fast . No wonder she said no.

 

Well I am different now 

More mature more confident  and if I really wanted to I think I could win her heart. And although there are still some strong feelings left I am unsure do I want to be with her because  I just don't feel it 100 %+ relationship takes lot of work, compromising etc. Not sure I want that with her. So I wanted to get back with her on good terms as cousin but that seems much harder because how can she trust me  that are my only intentions. 

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Thank you for opening up, it helps a lot to analyze your situation.

First, u know you have strong feelings for her no need to sacrifice them for anyone! 

Second, if you rebuild cousin relationship with her while having romantic feelings for her, it is going to complicate your life and it will create more confusion. 

Waiting is not easy but, sometimes it is better to wait than making wrong decisions. I hope your cousin talks to you, u really need a resolution! 

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Yes but I think my  main problem is that I put her on some sort of  pedestal. Like something out of my reach or possibility.

So why I need to get back on good terms with her as just cousins is to brake that illusion. Cause i tried distancing my self and to let time take its course but that only made things worse in many ways for me. And after that if us being just cousins works out great if not I think I can live with that. 

So how do I get her to believe me that my intentions are only family bonding and that there is no romantic background. Since she probably thinks that all i want and wanted was ...

 

 

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Well, just tell her. 

I really hope that she does not have feelings for you 😐. If my cousin came to me with this BS, it will piss me off because it is selfish and unethical and it will just complicate the situation.

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Well making her fall in love with me and then breaking her heart is my dream but unfortunately don't think it will ever happen.  World so unfair can't even hurt her in any meaningful way.

Probably best to slowly go with this cousin thing like start with small talk or something like that and see where it will take me. But have to be careful not to go into any direction that can make her suspicious  which is a problem since I have a wired sense of humour and tend to joke about serious situations like this. And have a problem of not really caring will what i say insult or hurt anyone. So have to be fake as much as I can.

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Really need to hurt her. Did a bad thing to me. But gave up every time because cared too much for her . Tried with that God forgive type of thing didn't  work out.  Still that anger in side only way of letting it go by doing the same thing to her she did to me.  Break her heart bad

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Sorry I was talking sh.t but the truth is that I hate that feeling of powerlines I have around her. Like she rejected me really bad and that should have been it. What makes me mad is that it took me couple of years to finally get her out of my head and then I see her for couple of minutes no conversation just weird handshake, after that  she came to our house and by just hearing her voice, laugh all suppressed  feelings hit me like a train. And constantly hearing from my family she did this done that. And I asked her before nicely not to visit again and she just ignored that. I know pathetic but I just can't run away from all of this mess.  And where's the fries? is wrong with me to feel this way. Like years of depression anxiety hell to say  and finally start to move forward and all it takes is 10-20 min to brake all that.   I Don't feel I will ever  really get over her but how do u live like that. Like by now I shouldn't even care at all I don't even know her anymore been 8 Fu.king years last time we really hang out or something 

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Lol now I think there is a lot more to your story.

You fell in love with your cousin, proposed her and she rejected you. 8 years passed and you are still bothered by the fact that you got rejected 8 years ago? It sounds so dumb. 

It's not like you both liked each other and were physically involved, u r acting like a kid who cannot take a no for an answer. 

Is your cousin dating someone? Also, are you dating someond else? ( which I am assuming you are). Just talk to her, but I don't think you will lol or just keep complaining.

 

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Not really, like she had some boyfriend back at the time and they where on and off and he dumped her and I guess I came a little insecure about this all thing and she dumped all of that he did to her on me and since I was young, naive  i didnt really know what is happening like why she reacts this way when all i did was shared my feelings with her, got scared will lose her completely maybe she will even tell someone tried to talk to her about it she acted little rude ,  I thought she was mad at me ( still felt closeness as for a cousin). Then she started saying things like I don't care, go away , u are ugly (??? weird) when all i said was  why won't u come  with me to my parents  house ( she always spent summer vacation with us). I just turned and left. I know childish form this perspective but was really hurt at the time she did see me couple of days later called me across the street waved at me but I just stood there staring.  Like I don't know that men pride was hurt she choose someone else over me and a worse option .  To say that boyfriend dumped her again couple of months later few days before her 18 birthday.

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