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Guest FireandIce

Married a long time

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Guest FireandIce

My husband and i have been married over 15 years. Recently i have developed a fear of people finding out and it affecting my child. Its seriously affecting my marriage and the anxitey is real.  We are waiting to tell him when he is old enough can choose to tell people or not. I dont want it to ruin his confidence. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you got past it. Thanks a bunch you dont even know how much this page has helped me through all of this just by reading posts! 

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This seems to be an epidemic lately. I think you're the third person in the last month to express concerns years after they married.

Listen, YOU have no control over whether people give your child a hard time about it. you DO, however, have the ability (and responsibility) to teach your child how to react in a way that will cause no harm. Does your child even know that your husband is your cousin? It's always best for parents to raise their child knowing this information so that they don't feel shame about it. but even if your child is a teenager, you need to sit down and tell him (her?) the facts. And when I say facts, I mean present the info with NO shame, NO guilt, and LOTS of love. You need to express confidence and pride in who you married and the family ya'll created together. You need to arm your child with all the information he or she needs to know so that when people make comments, he can 'educate' them on the facts. If your child feels no shame about his heritage, then he won't be any fun for people to pick on.

True story here. Mark and I grew up in the same small town together. We went to the same school, played in the same band, had the same teachers (although we were a few years apart in age.) When we got married, my daughters were 12 and 13 years old. They went to the same school we'd gone to. They were friends with the children of people we'd grown up with. Heck, they even had some of the same teachers that we'd had when we were kids. These are tough ages for kids, as you well know. But we answered all their questions, gave them all the facts, and very few people gave them problems because of how they responded. After a week or so, the bullies moved on to someone new. I became quite an outspoken advocate for cousin marriage, and regularly made tv and radio appearances. Sometimes my husband joined me, and once, when my oldest was 14, even she appeared on TV with me. 

So let go of your anxiety. It will just give you an ulcer, and will drive a wedge between you and your family.  Instead of worrying, do something about it. 

Besides, after 15 years, what makes you think people will suddenly find out?

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Guest FireandIce

Go look on Facebook at fox31 KDVR and youll see why i have this fear. Scroll down to yesterdays post and there is a story about a cousin couple that recently got married. There is a call for laws to ban it on the comments. The child is almost 14 and im afraid all the sudden will think hes inbreed even though dad and i only share 6% dna. Im not exactly sure why all the sudden i fear people will find out. My step child could care less and wonders why im worried about it 6%. According to anything ive seen he would only have about 1.5% "double" dna. Is that correct? We didnt know each other growing up. We met like any other couple. Whoops we are related but oove each other. Thanks for your reply i feel a little better. 

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