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Guest Breanna

Hiding our realationship 4th cousin love

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Guest Breanna

so recently back in december a really good friend of mine introduced me to a guy. At the time i was talking/in somewhat of a realationship with another. anyhow we ended up breaking up. So as a promise to to my friend i started talking to this guy and we instantly had a connection. we talked for over a month and we ended up meeting face to face and the connection grew. He was amazing. Anyhow a few days later after talking he asked me out and i said yes besides asking him to go to prom with me. So everyday he came and he saw me at my tech school at lunch and at break for two weeks. I ended up getting my first kiss from him and we are both 18 except im 2 months older than him. we had such a deep connection it was crazy. anyhow one day we both got in trouble for him visiting me when he wasn't even a student. The school called my parents and they were furious. so they lectured me and they wanted to know what he looked like so i searched on FB and showed them and they saw his mutual friends and my mom pointed out that they were our realitives. I was completley in shock because i had fallen in love with the guy i was seeing. I was so confused and sick to my stomach and my parents pointed out we couldn't date anymore and said through the relitives he was my 3rd cousin. That night they made me call him and ask who he was related to and i didn't believe it and my parents made me tell him we were 3rd cousins. later on on through my research we are 4th cousins

I was soo hurt and so was he especially to the fact we had fallen for each other soo much. earlier at the beginning of our realationship i had asked him to come to dinner because our connection gave me a sense that he was the one i had been praying for. So i apologized the day after and i was at school and i felt numb to everything and how were we supposed to know we had never met each other before and even if we had we would have been so young. Anyhow i contacted him and told him i still loved him and i felt so angry at god . I knew there was a reason he was in my life and what we have was something real. So he came to dinner and it was hell for us both my mom pulled out family photos and records and rubbed it our faces along with my stepdad. It  hurt. considering i don't have a phone i was using our house phone i snuck a call to him the next day and i apologized for what they had said and they said very hurtful things. 

So as the next few days passed i knew i had to let him go and i did but he chose to stay despite the fact i had used my parents words to hurt him and i didn't want to and i was forced to. So that next monday when i told him he wanted to meet at a park across the street from the tech school. so i agreed and i said i wasn't done and i still loved him and he said the same and despite what had happened he had forgiven me and wouldn't walk away which is what i was fearing. I told him we could start seeing each other at the park and we have and we have been hiding our realationship from my parents. his family is ok with us being together but mine is not. my mom and stepdad are related as well but they are like 7th cousins. 

We've been hiding this and it sucks but we have such a deep love for each other and have been seeing each other over a month almost 2. How do we continue to do sso considering we see each other once a week and text everyday.  he'll be leaving for basic in april or may and he wants to write letters to me and i want to write back but my parents would see the mail. How do we make this work?

Next fall i'll be starting college a first gen student of my familly and we plan on waiting until after he gets back to be public. We both want to be with each other and i personally see nothing wrong with our realationship. But how do we go about hiding this in a safer way so we can still be together and be in contact when he leaves for 14-16 weeks? were just really deeply in love and we want to work out. thats all.

All help is appreciated and advice as well

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you're fourth cousins? you're sure of this? tell all those nosey-bodies to stay out of your business. there are no social, legal, genetic, or moral impediments to fourth cousin marriages, ANYwhere in the entire world (not that you're ready for marriage yet, but just sayin'...)

the ONLY impediment to your relationship is what you allow your family to impose on you. at 18 years old, you are adults. so behave as adults and make your own decisions. just be aware that those decisions may have consequences, and if you are still financially dependant upon your parents, they may cut off the supply. that means you may have to move out of their house. you may have to apply for your own student loans and work your way through college the old fashioned way. but really, living at home under your parents' authority beyond the age of 18 is unhealthy anyway, for them and for you.

once you stand up for yourselves and take responsibility for your lives (emotionally AND financially) they will likely come around. it's a parent's job to try to "protect" our children from making what WE think might be mistakes, and our primary means of doing that is by control. it's a difficult thing for a parent to let go of that control, but it's a natural progression, and an important one that brings relief once the lines are drawn in the sand (by you.)

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Guest Breanna

first off thank you for the reply i really appreciate it soo much.

Yes we are 4th cousins and i totally understand what you are saying about our realationship. My parents are very traditionalist people and believe in a lot of things such as being married to someone outside the family and i understand that completely. But the sad thing is that their marriage has been falling apart for a few years now and i fear and i have seen evidence of drugs in thier room. it scares me but i am in love with the guy im seeing. My mother has a hard time of letting go of anything and since im her oldest she can't. she won't even let me cut my hair! i know it sounds weird but it's the truth.

I just want to be happy and be in love with the guy im seeing. we didn't even know each other and i had never met him before. I'm trying to be strong for him and for me. MY PARENTS ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE. I'm just trying thats all . I thank you so much. It's hard to even talk to my parents and by watching them i think they even get mad when i talk about going to college because they didn't. Im just sick and tierd of the tradionalist mindset of my parents. when i try to talk to them about my decisions all they can tell me is that just because im 18 and still in the house doesn't mean anything. Im thinking about moving out after  graduate in 2 and a half months from high school. It's just a lot im dealing with and  like i said my main thing is that we both (me and my love) want to be happy and be together. 

I know after i move out im going to lose my family's support over a lot of things like for example getting a tattoo on the back of my shoulder cutting my hair etc. I know if this happens i will have his family to turn too. 

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nothing about what you've told me sounds like your parents are 'traditionalist'. and i hate to hear you say you think they are not good people! they're just BROKEN people. they clearly are having some very real struggles in their lives. everything you've said makes me think that they feel like their lives are spinning out of control... a rocky marriage, drug use that may be an addiction but is definitely a way of escaping something... and if only one of them is using drugs, then the other is probably trying to micro-manage the one using. the idea of you making decisions about your own life must be a very scary thing, especially for your mother. so try not to be too angry with them. :)

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Guest Breanna

i'll try not to be angry with them but they can be fustrating thats all but every young adult feels this way.

I just want to be happy with my decisions thats all and i want to be happy in general and live life to the fullest

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Guest landfish

Hello I know what your going through. I fell in love with my 1st cousin . We didn’t grow up together but we connected and he got very upset at me and we don’t speak anymore I hope everything works out for you 

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Guest Breanna

thanks for the support i need all of it i can get me and my love do

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