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ReachIntoTheVoid

Cousin love, family finding out?

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My cousin (first) and I didn't meet until later in life but we have fallen in love. I am 31 and he is 48. We are so much alike in the ways that matter. We both feel we are past the window of opportunity to have children and we were both single when we met so no spouses to worry about. 

Our parents are still alive and we worry about them finding out about us. He lives with his elderly father and takes care of him. 

Has anyone kept their relationship secret from their family for an extended time? 

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Reach,

 At 31 and 48, you two are fully adults, and able to make your own way without permission from anybody. That said, the sneaking around can initially be quite exhilarating. It sounds as though this has been going on long enough that the exhilaration has worn off, and the hiding is becoming tedious. For older cousins such as you two, I've recommended before to not tell them anything, let the visual speak. If they see you two together all the time, and that the two of you are happy together, it will take the edge off to a degree. But, not totally. Eventually, you will get the nosy relative who probably has control issues poking their nose in your business. It really is none of their business though. I have a saying I've not had to use in a long time, because my family and friends know it's coming if they pry a little too deeply. I say "You mean I didn't tell you?" They USE to say "Why. NO. " I would then say "Well it must not be any of your business then." Now, some people will just look at me and roll their eyes, but, i can't remember the last time I've had to shut down a busy body like that. I do realize not everyone is quite so bold as to risk tweeking family and friends so strongly. For now, I would just be seen together, and if ask, say "Hey, we enjoy each others company, and there's no drama, so, we're just going to enjoy hanging out together." If they get more personal than that, it would be the time to let them know that's a little too inquisitive on their part.

 

 The only other real concern I would have is if it is legal where you are. You should probably be figuring that out first, If you've not already. For a time, I was a mod, and had the ability to have a little peak, only to determine which State or country our members were in. Not being nosy, it wasn't like I was going to find street addresses or such, because I wasn't going to send Christmas cards....LOL I would just look to make sure you weren't going to get in a bind legally. You can check here: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states

 So long as this is not an issue, I would say proceed as you would with any other relationship, other than being perhaps a little more discrete until the "newness" of people seeing you together wears off. As consenting adults, you can make your own relationship decisions. Do not let drama stop you...

 

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[In a world where everything is upside-down there is a Hawk, flying high above.] The man. The legend. The kissing cousin. [We try to keep him calm by feeding him Xanax and Quaaludes per the Dr. KC] ... [Coming to a theater near you, unless we go straight to DVD or the Netflix deal goes through]

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Thanks everyone. Our relationship is still very new but we are convinced that we would like to stay together. We are in a state that allows cousin marriages so incestual crime is not an issue. Just worried about family. Right now we are hiding it and probably will for the forseeable future. It will be hard to explain why we are both staying single but I'm sure we'll think of something. 

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