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EmersonFrost13

In Desperate Need of Advice/Support/Answers/Guidance

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6 posts in this topic

I want to begin by saying it took a lot of courage for me to join this forum. I have never been this emotionally confused or dazed before, but I feel that I can find support through some of you. I have taken the time to read some of what you all are going through - and I must admit it hits very close to home.

I met the love of my life a few months ago while on a business vacation. Naturally, as every story here goes, he is my second cousin. It was definitely a love at first sight experience on both ends. The attraction was instant, and being together was more wonderful than I could explain. The romance continued for months [long after we returned home] and it grew into love. The day he told me he was in love with me was quite possibly, the greatest day of my life. I knew I loved him instantly but to also understand that his feelings were mutual made me extremely happy. Keep in mind, I have never been one to believe in such things yet have had several happy and emotionally "normal" relationships. However, when I met him, I truly did lose myself in falling in love. REAL love.

We debated on telling our families for quite some time. I told mine prior to seeing him again, and they were relatively supportive through time. His family, however, is entirely against it. Mainly, his parents. IT is NOT against our religion [although it is frowned upon] but there primary reason for not accepting us is simply arrogant and ignorant opinion of being blood..

Mind you, I hardly find second cousins being strongly blood related based off of factual RESEARCH.

Because of this he has asked that we not continue to do what we are doing BUT has made me it very clear that he is in love/this is difficult/etc...

I feel insane for being a mix of depressed YET hopeful STILL. He lives very far away, and I risk the chance of never seeing him again..especially because of his parents..and yet I can't help feeling like this simply CAN NOT be the end of the greatest love of my life..

We are both in our mid-twenties and yet have fallen to the control of family to make this decision.

Has anyone had a similar situation or can offer advice?

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He is going to have to decide if he wants his family to make his life decisions for him or not.  He's a big boy now and it's time to make big boy decisions!

It might be beneficial to get him on this site.  Speaking directly to him is a much better option.

As for you, you have reason to still be hopeful.  You just need to convince him to belly up and start living his own life.

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Hey, when I read this I could not believe the similarity. I am currently going through the same thing, except both my parents and his parents completely disagree and think the "blood" relation is too close. Me and him have both made the decision to not listen to them, even though we love our parents our relationship is not their decision. We too are currently long distance but we make it work. If you really care about someone - you try and do everything possible to be with them.

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He is going to have to decide if he wants his family to make his life decisions for him or not.  He's a big boy now and it's time to make big boy decisions!

It might be beneficial to get him on this site.  Speaking directly to him is a much better option.

As for you, you have reason to still be hopeful.  You just need to convince him to belly up and start living his own life.

Exactly! I know if it's true love and worth the hard times that he'll see that soon enough..and if he doesn't..well i'm prepared for the heartache of that. But to me..his family should love him no matter what his choice.

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Welcome to the board!

Serendipity is quite right, your cousin is old enough to make his own decisions. It takes a really strong couple to make a relationship between two cousins work. If disapproval from his parents are what is stopping him from a potentially long and happy relationship, then that is his choice. If you love something let it go and if it comes back then you know it's meant to be.

Give him some time to think about it on his own. Support him through this tough experience, let him know you'll still be there for him when he needs it. If he loves you, he will come back. I am glad you are willing to accept the consequences if he doesn't come back, but what if he does? Are you willing to put up with all the potential dirty looks and snide comments because of your relationship? Do you accept that people will probably get hurt from this?

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EmersonFrost13,

My advice? Get him here to the site, get him up to speed on the facts, as you have done. Let him look around and see that you two aren't the only ones going through this, as you have noticed. Perhaps then he will realize that his life really is his to lead, and his choices in it are for him to make, not the elder generation. The elders opinions are to be taken into consideration only in so much as you know their opinions are based on facts. If they were to tell you "The world is flat," you would want to be polite, but you would disagree, because you know better. Whether, and how much, you openly disagree is up to you, but you would not follow along blindly with that line of thinking because you know it is in error. I would tell you this if you were FIRST cousins. You are correct in your assessment of the research. Second cousins are only slightly more genetically related than total strangers. His parents should get over the drama, and he should ignore it.

Feel free to send him the link to this site, as well as the link to this thread. Get him on in here. We'll get him up to speed, and help him realize life truly is short, and if you've found the love of your life, you had best not let it slip away. 

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