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How to approach it?

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For many, many years, there's been an obvious attraction between myself and my cousin, overtly stated and not. There's several reasons that we couldn't be able to have a visible relationship right now, if ever. And I can tell that although she doesn't necessarily want to agree with it, she buys into the stigma that it's wrong or gross. And likely feels guilty for it.

So the question, how would it be best to approach her about it? I'm specifically hopeful to hear from others that have pursued relationships with their cousins in adulthood.



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  • Moderator

Ask her point blank how she would feel, then have a direct conversation with her about it.  Arm yourself with facts (lots of resources on this site) and point her here if you want.  The only way to eradicate the stigma is to normalize it.  If she is open minded she will listen to facts and reason.

My cousin and I had an attraction for many years but didn't pursue it until we were in our 40's.  You'll find lots of stories here about cousins would waited many years to pursue a serious relationship.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Alison

@SerendipityWhat changed for you and your cousin? Why did you decide to pursue a relationship later rather than earlier? 

@Guest Jazz do you know that she also wants a relationship with you? She may be attracted to you but if she has said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea (for whatever her reason may be) what do you get out of trying to convince her otherwise? If she’s thinking about it at all you’ll know. At that point you can direct her to resources. 

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