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jaafk

She's elder...I'm younger!! Advice needed!!

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Hi everyone....

I am 20 years old, male....in a relationship for the past 2 years with my 1st cousin (my father's brother's daughter) who is 23.

She is currently pursuing ACCA (Association of Chartered Certified Accountants) and I'm currently doing my Bachelor's in Commerce.

Our parents, our siblings and her whole maternal side know about us.

But all of her side is dead against it....my side says it too early...though if i really want it...they have no problems but i must be on my feet (financially) and then i can marry whom i want to.....

We have loads of restrictions communicating with each other ( which we don't mind as long as we are together by heart) and are currently faking a break up in front all our relatives.

So what I wanted advice was ....

1) We both are financially dependent on our parents still and live with them cause we haven't completed our studies yet.She mite still finish it in 2-3 years but I am probably going to take more time.We can both find some work even now but can't afford to work full time cause it will screw up our studies and even if we earn part time...we wont be earning significant enough to look after our ownselves.

Moreover its about me earning enough to look after us both rather than her earnings.

So any suggestions on how we can go about it financially?

Any related real examples ?

Any ideas as to how i can get on my feet asap?

2) As per our society...her age is the perfect one for marriage....and shes next in line for getting married from both her maternal as well paternal (our) sides..

So due to this she has been facing tremendous pressure especially from her parents to forget me and get married asap.

On top of this she very innocent and gets pressurized easily by anybody.So from time to time, her folks or other relatives question her regarding us and quite a few times she has told the truth (thinking they would understand...which they don't) and it makes matters difficult..especially for her.

On the other hand...I have always felt that it wud be stupidity to tell anybody anything now and rather be independent enough first before telling them about any of this.Though whenever i have been asked about us...i have never lied..and have always admitted to being in a relationship with her...but i haven't said anything at all other than accepting it.

This has created an impression that she is forcing herself on me...which is far from the case...and i hate it.Moreover she thinks that i don't do anything on my part to fight for our relationship...which hurts even more.

So what should be the right approach to go about things from here?

We both prefer dying than leaving each other....we are definitely past the point of "see how it goes" things and are ready to take any sort of thing thrown at us.

Moreover...we both have never been involved in any sort of relationship before this....making it even more special for us.

note:- We both love our parents a lot.Both my parents are cancer survivors and theres no chance that i would be living separately at any point of life.So we would like suggestions that would help us convince our parents rather than doing something without their consent.

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what 'society' are you in where the parents pressure a 23 year old to find a husband and marry even before finishing her schooling? her parents need to butt out. there is nothing at all wrong with waiting to marry. it's far better to wait and marry someone you love than to just cave in and settle for someone just because other people worry about her becoming an 'old maid'. good grief!

as for the financial thing, yeah, it would be better to wait until one or both of you has graduated and acquired full time work. it doesn't matter (in my opinion) if she graduates first and supports you until you have finished college as well. seems the pressure to be financially stable is all on your side of the family, and that her side of the family cares about nothing but her getting a wedding band on her finger.

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Thanks aloooooooooooot for your reply n advice!!

We are Muslims from India...but our families aren't too religious!!

And you rite her family just wants her to get married...because two-three of her maternal cousin sisters have either got married late or are still unmarried...so they don't want her to have the same fate.

As with my family...i was actually doing Mechanical Engineering after my grade 12...but due to some issues i wasn't clearing the exams ...n i  lost my 2 years in it...and now i have switched to Commerce...

So theres a little bit of doubt whether i will be able to do anything in life at all...among my family members.Moreover they think that my failure in engineering was only because of her.

And somewhere i get the vibes from them that by the time i will be independent...She will get married by then.

But anyways....i m not too bothered about what others are planning/thinking/doing about us....I want to concentrate on my part of action and help her do her part.....

Once again thanks for your reply!!

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