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treej

Gay love cousin

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Hey! 

So here is my situation. I'm a boy, and I love my cousin (Boy). I loved him for as long as I can remember. He knows that I'm gay, and it doesn't bother him. 

We have had a very close relationship since we are kids. The furthest I remember, every family parties, we were hanging together, anticipating with enjoyment to see each other. It was every time like a priceless moment we were awaiting with impatience on both sides. Now I'm in my 30's, he's 3 years younger than me, and I still love him. I live nearby now and we still have a beautiful friendship. I can get to his place anytime and every time he's happy to see me, and so do I. 

He says he is hetero, he had a couple of girlfriends in the past, never for longer than 4-5 months though. And I already asked him if he ever questioned his sexual orientation. He said "yes, multiple times". 

He also told me multiple times that he likes me, that he feels great when I'm with him, that we share beautiful memories, that we are like minded, etc I told him about the same too, he also once told me that if I was a girl we could form a couple... I liked this idea, I wish i told him then that I didn't have to be a girl for that to happen, but well, that happened before he learned that I'm gay and I wasn't as confident at this time.

Recently I slept over at his place. We drank quite a bit so I stayed for the night, and I slept with him in his bed, I've put my arm around his body, asking him "does it bother you if I stay like this?" he said "No." Than he placed his arm round me too... 

I faked that I fell asleep after 10 minutes, like start deep breathing and faking small spasms in my arm. That's when he began caressing my back slowly with his hand in response to me falling asleep. It felt sooooo good! So we finally slept like this in each others' arms for the night. 

I think we have a very special relation, I think he loves me more than what he wants to show me, and I think I love him more than what he thinks... 

Well so I'm not sure if I'm seeking advice or just want to tell my story because I need to express myself about it and have nowhere else to do so, but if you have any example of "How to tell your cousin you love him more than he thinks you love him" you're welcome! :)

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Well first off I also have a guy cousin (I am a guy) that I love dearly. However, we are both heterosexual. Neither one of us has had too much luck with women because we both attract Crazy Ones. Crazy with a Capital C. We've had a very close relationship since childhood also. I just want to point out that this can be very normal it has nothing to do with sexuality. In fact I think I could flip a switch in my mind and block out my entire family and never give them a second thought. Probably except for my cousin.

I have some other thoughts too, and hope you don't take offense. But look, if you are trying to convert your straight cousin into becoming something else you are very mistaken. If he tells you he is a heterosexual then listen to him. I assume your cousin was blitzed out of his mind the night you slept with him. If you keep making advances toward him you will alienate yourself.

I've met quite a few guys, even on here, that were once married to a woman and have now decided they were gay. They divorced and pursued that lifestyle. I've learned not to judge. I'm not in a great position to judge anyone for anything at anytime.

Just because I do not judge doesn't mean that I approve of this lifestyle. I hope you can respect that. I have a way of really infuriating my gay and lesbian readers -- unintentionally of course. 

I would say hey you should wait for your cousin to make himself clear about his sexuality. However I think he has already been abundantly clear. In my old age wisdom I have found that people say what they mean. I certainly wish that I had listened a lot more to people in my life rather than making excuses for them or thinking I can change them or all of the ways we can twist reality to fit the way we want it to be.

I have rambled on here and I hope you have found something useful. I apologize for any typos. This was posted using a mobile device.

 

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Thanks for your input KC. You love your cousin, but did he ever say to you that you could be in couple if you were a girl, also that he questioned his sexuality multiple times (So he is probably not exclusively hetero), that feels good sleeping beside you in each others' arms? That is all abundantly clear that it doesn't represent the typical man-man friendship in my opinion.

I'm not trying to convert him, our relationship is all natural, I never forced anything we just feel good together. And talking about advances, it's not coming from me exclusively. He told me more than enough how good he feels with me, he invited me to sleep with him. I've put my arm around him, but he caressed me. The next morning he was the first telling me "Damn I slept so well!" You see it's really not as one sided as you seem to think it is. 

Another thing. The reason why you may frustrate your gay readers, is that you see being gay as a "life style" which is not. Unless you qualify life in couple as the same "life style", because not all gay people live the same kind of lifestyle, so from here it's pretty hard to define what is a gay "life style", isn't it? I mean, I'm gay, but I usually go to bed early, don't do drugs, drink a bit of alcohol only the weekends, I'm in my 30's and I only had 2 relationships, I don't go out in bars at night, I'm a country guy, I love nature, fishing, quad, boat, camping... So is it a gay "lifestyle"? Nope. It's just my life and it represents my interests. So if I'd be in couple with a guy, and I keep this life style, would I be living a gay lifestyle, or a couple lifestyle?

What about a hetero couple living an "open relationship", going out in bars every night, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having sex with 2 partners/week, do you call it a hetero couple having a gay lifestyle? I'm just curious about your definition of gay lifestyle since it doesn't make any sense to me. (I'm not angry, I'm just exposing to you the way I see it ;)

 

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Thanks for your response Treej. After years of interacting with gay cousins, I am slowly realizing that my presuppositions about gay people can be, well, just dumb. I think in another 100 years we may understand sexuality in a completely different paradigm. I'm a religious studies major, so it is extremely easy for me to adopt the most hateful and ignorant view of gay people.

And for that, I apologize. God gave me a brain and by George, I'm gonna use it. Or start using it. I don't think Christ would treat you the same way that I have done. So there is that.

I don't know about your cousin. I know a lot about drinking, and alcohol can make one do things they wouldn't do normally. Is he always plastered when he makes these comments?  In any case, no no no. It's not a typical hetro relationship. That doesn't mean that your cousin will ever get off the fence. 

I don't think I understand your feelings and I don't think you understand mine either -- but at least we are communicating. Honestly I think you should abandon the whole gay cousin thing. Generally when one asks for advice (man, woman, gay or straight) I generally say forget it! When I fell in love with my cousin, I didn't have to ask anyone. I knew I was going to marry that girl. After a shitty marriage, I now wish that I did ask more questions and listened to advice that was offered.

I just think if the stars were aligned, you two would be together. Maybe that makes me naive or just crazy... ? LOL It's been a pleasure chatting with you.

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