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UkelelePineapple

I need advice (NSFW)

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*Some details have been altered for anonymity***

Now, I won't give out my name but call me Danielle (21, F). My cousin will be called Martin (36, M). I met my cousin Martin at a family get together a year ago. I didn't really know him or what he looked like. We generally only ever talked via Hangouts. When I saw what he looked like, I was immediately smitten and aroused but had really no clue that that was my cousin. I was sitting there thinking all kinds of naughty things I'd do to him as we talked over a drink. And then my other cousin walks up and says, "Glad to see you finally met your other cousin! He's only saw ya once as a baby!" My heart dropped and I immediately started feeling guilty. A few days later, I emailed him and I didn't exactly say I was physically attracted to him but I did make it known that I thought he was very good looking and that I'm sorry. He said it was fine and we had a good looking family anyway so it's a compliment. Over the next few weeks I had built such an insane and intense physical attraction. We continue to messaged  each other on Hangouts despite my confession. There was this guy I was having relations with casually every other day or week at that point which took the edge off of the carnal desire I was feeling. By accident, I sent him a rather explicit picture and he asked me to please not do this again. He then asked why I was sending pics like that and I couldn't bring myself to tell him so I said " Feelings". We didn't quite talk much after that but then we continued after he visited several months later. He wouldn't hug me like he did the other members of my household. He only waved and smiled at me and I could feel the tension from across the room. Sexual or not, I've no clue. Probably grossed out. Then another few months went by and I was still seeing my relations partner. Martin and I were engaging in casual conversation when I brought up I might not be on much longer because I was having a friend over. He then said "What kind of friend?" It made me feel very excited. He's a manly man and his voice is rather authoritative and harsh which I really really like a lot. I said "What other kinds of friends exist? It's just a regular friend, silly!" He then got a bit more questioning and said, "Don't play dumb with me, you know I'm smarter than that." Holy cow! I then just told him it was a makeout buddy and nothing serious. The conversation then went to normal. From then on it's been kind of hard not to imagine myself with him in a physical way. He makes very suggestive jokes which kind of makes things harder on me. I guess what I'm asking is... What should I even do? Should I avoid him? Should I even talk to him anymore? Should I even discuss these feelings with him at all? 

Edited by UkelelePineapple
Very explicit content, moderator warning.

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2 hours ago, UkelelePineapple said:

*Some details have been altered for anonymity***

Now, I won't give out my name but call me Danielle (21, F). My cousin will be called Martin (36, M). I met my cousin Martin at a family get together a year ago. I didn't really know him or what he looked like. We generally only ever talked via Hangouts. When I saw what he looked like, I was immediately smitten and aroused but had really no clue that that was my cousin. I was sitting there thinking all kinds of naughty things I'd do to him as we talked over a drink. And then my other cousin walks up and says, "Glad to see you finally met your other cousin! He's only saw ya once as a baby!" My heart dropped and I immediately started feeling guilty. A few days later, I emailed him and I didn't exactly say I was sexually attracted to him but I did make it known that I thought he was very good looking and that I'm sorry. He said it was fine and we had a good looking family anyway so it's a compliment. Over the next few weeks I had built such an insane sexual attraction to the man that I could only masturbate to pics of him. We continue to messaged  each other on Hangouts despite my confession. There was this guy I was having sex with casually every other day or week at that point which took the edge off of the carnal desire I was feeling. By accident, I sent him a rather explicit picture and he asked me to please not do this again. He then asked why I was sending pics like that and I couldn't bring myself to tell him so I said " Feelings". We didn't quite talk much after that but then we continued after he visited several months later. He wouldn't hug me like he did the other members of my household. He only waved and smiled at me and I could feel the tension from across the room. Sexual or not, I've no clue. Probably grossed out. Then another few months went by and I was still seeing my sex partner. Martin and I were engaging in casual conversation when I brought up I might not be on much longer because I was having a friend over. He then said "What kind of friend?" It made my heart jump and my northern regions tingle with excitement. He's a manly man and his voice is rather authoritative and harsh which turns me on. I said "What other kinds of friends exist? It's just a regular friend, silly!" He then got a bit more questioning and said, "Don't play dumb with me, you know I'm smarter than that." Holy holy crapoly!, at this point I'm imagining him just pushing me up against walls with his hot breath against my neck. I then just told him it was a makeout buddy and nothing serious. The conversation then went to normal. From then on it's been kind of hard not to look at his pictures or say his name as I climax from masturbating. He jokes about the size of his penis a lot which doesn't help. I guess what I'm asking is... What should I even do? Should I avoid him? Should I even talk to him anymore? He makes me so flipping turned on that it makes me want to jump his bones no matter who's watching and I really want to have sex with him. 

Hi UkelelePineapple,

Do you know if he has a girlfriend? Just curious. If he does, then probably ask him what do they do together.  Know Im saying? Don't feel guilty on your sexual thoughts about him... you do not control these attractions anyways. But try to gauge if he is a little liberated with regarding these stuff. By the way, you are 21 years old so you got some HUGE advantage. You definitely can pull this one off, I am telling ya. 

After all, if the colors are reversed, guys do the same thing --- right? Soooo... I guess what Im trying to say is that, it's just even. But first of all, figure out first if he does have a girlfriend or not.

 

Pooch

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14 hours ago, pooch said:

Hi UkelelePineapple,

Do you know if he has a girlfriend? Just curious. If he does, then probably ask him what do they do together.  Know Im saying? Don't feel guilty on your sexual thoughts about him... you do not control these attractions anyways. But try to gauge if he is a little liberated with regarding these stuff. By the way, you are 21 years old so you got some HUGE advantage. You definitely can pull this one off, I am telling ya. 

After all, if the colors are reversed, guys do the same thing --- right? Soooo... I guess what Im trying to say is that, it's just even. But first of all, figure out first if he does have a girlfriend or not.

 

Pooch

He's divorced with a daughter. He He tends to be a bit on the stuck up side and will restrict some conversation but overall he makes jokes and sends memes about very suggestive body parts which makes things extremely difficult for me because obviously... But yeah, we're pretty close and I've even offered to pay for us to go out to lunch together and he's accepted my offer. But it never happened due to some unforeseen circumstances.

Edited by UkelelePineapple

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Ms. UkelelePineapple, The only advice I have at this time is please clean up the language in your posts. We have

visitors of all ages that visit this site and we want to keep it PG. We don't need such descriptions as you have posted.

No one is interested in what you do behind closed doors when fantasizing about your cousin. You can be less descriptive and 

still get the idea across that you are very attracted to your cousin.

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10 hours ago, Romalee said:

Ms. UkelelePineapple, The only advice I have at this time is please clean up the language in your posts. We have

visitors of all ages that visit this site and we want to keep it PG. We don't need such descriptions as you have posted.

No one is interested in what you do behind closed doors when fantasizing about your cousin. You can be less descriptive and 

still get the idea across that you are very attracted to your cousin.

I understand which is why I listed this content as NSFW. But thanks for the heads up.

 

 

Edit: I modified my posting and the wording I used. Hopefully this is more PG-13.

Edited by UkelelePineapple

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Thank you very much! Even though you added the NSFW (whatever that is to us old folks LOL) Doesn't mean  that

it would keep anyone from reading it. 

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On 5/28/2019 at 3:19 PM, UkelelePineapple said:

He's divorced with a daughter. He He tends to be a bit on the stuck up side and will restrict some conversation but overall he makes jokes and sends memes about very suggestive body parts which makes things extremely difficult for me because obviously... But yeah, we're pretty close and I've even offered to pay for us to go out to lunch together and he's accepted my offer. But it never happened due to some unforeseen circumstances.

Cool.. Cool.. 

I do think that you are on the right track. I suggest just keep doing what you are doing. You may want to be always pretty whenever he is on the vicinity.. you know. Believe me, it's just a matter of time and you will get this guy. That restriction of conversation is a facade -- just keep it cool and casual and always give him the (artificial) space he needs.. lol. I believe you don't have problem with this because you guys are pretty close. A lot of girls are envy atcha. hahaha.

 

Pooch

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On 5/30/2019 at 5:16 PM, pooch said:

Cool.. Cool.. 

I do think that you are on the right track. I suggest just keep doing what you are doing. You may want to be always pretty whenever he is on the vicinity.. you know. Believe me, it's just a matter of time and you will get this guy. That restriction of conversation is a facade -- just keep it cool and casual and always give him the (artificial) space he needs.. lol. I believe you don't have problem with this because you guys are pretty close. A lot of girls are envy atcha. hahaha.

 

Pooch

I'm really attracted to him. I hope he starts showing interest. But even if he doesn't, I'll still talk to him regardless. I just dunno.... He makes it really confusing for me to figure him out sometimes. Like overall, I >>STILL<< can't tell what his general feelings might be about me with the given description. Like I don't even know what it seems like anymore on either perspective.

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On 5/31/2019 at 11:41 PM, UkelelePineapple said:

I'm really attracted to him. I hope he starts showing interest. But even if he doesn't, I'll still talk to him regardless. I just dunno.... He makes it really confusing for me to figure him out sometimes. Like overall, I >>STILL<< can't tell what his general feelings might be about me with the given description. Like I don't even know what it seems like anymore on either perspective.

You know what, you don't need to rush things anyways with him if ever.. You know? Coz you might ruin things if you go too hot or too cold. You have to know the balance.

A concern that I feel like with him is that he is divorced with a daughter. It may be the case that he does not see you as an adult enough.. that you are acting childish sometimes (not all the time) but you know,... at this point in his life, he probably would want something "serious" (quotes are intentional) and is looking for a mother for his daughter or anything along those lines. Coz if he is not looking for that, then he must have done the natural thing and get it on with you. And so the fact that he does not and is ambivalent, seems like he is also in a tug-of-war kinda thing. And believe me, guys are like that especially if there are other innocent people involved.

Sooo.. yeah, it's pretty difficult to assess it for awhile since there is an incomplete info available. If you can tell us more of your interaction with him, then probably I can comment more. :)

 

Pooch

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He's interested in one thing.  Sex.  If that's what you want, fine, but don't expect more from him.

If you don't want the explicit text messages, you must tell him in very direct terms to stop.  If he doesn't stop, then you know where his respect meter for you lies.

Seriously, what kind of advice do you want?

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2 hours ago, Serendipity said:

He's interested in one thing.  Sex. 

Not so fast. 

If he is interested in sex, then why didn't he ask her out and you know, made an overt move? Sounds to me like that at least in some aspect, he's weighing on things and/or see Ukelele as a 'childish brat'. 

I dont think he is interested in sex 100%. Flirtation and sexual banter, probably -- but that's it. Nothing more. Ukelele, however, wants to go to the next level... or at least an advice to save her from herself lol.

In the meantime, she has the intention of making herself available for a date. For example,

On 5/28/2019 at 3:19 PM, UkelelePineapple said:

But yeah, we're pretty close and I've even offered to pay for us to go out to lunch together and he's accepted my offer. But it never happened due to some unforeseen circumstances.

 

Pooch

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On 6/7/2019 at 6:10 PM, pooch said:

Not so fast. 

If he is interested in sex, then why didn't he ask her out and you know, made an overt move? Sounds to me like that at least in some aspect, he's weighing on things and/or see Ukelele as a 'childish brat'. 

I dont think he is interested in sex 100%. Flirtation and sexual banter, probably -- but that's it. Nothing more. Ukelele, however, wants to go to the next level... or at least an advice to save her from herself lol.

In the meantime, she has the intention of making herself available for a date. For example,

 

Pooch

Hey Pooch!

I'm really not sure if I want a romantic relationship with him but a sexual relationship is definitely desired. The problem is I don't know if I should just outright confess my sexual feelings for him or keep it to myself and see what happens. So far here's what's been going on... He'll talk to me like every other day and we send memes back and forth between each other. We have casual conversation almost every other day to 4 days apart max. Just recently, he got into a new hobby of collecting old guns (I really am fascinated with old weaponry so this was neat for me to see that he'd bought and collected guns from 1800 and such) and he offered to teach me about them when he has fired them. I can't help but feel like maybe I need to tell him because if I don't it'll make the relationship unbearable and sucky yet I think that maybe if I say something it'll destroy my relationship I have with him. I want him so bad. I feel we're fairly close and friendly. I confide in him and he listens and offers advice and he's generally very open about a lot of things. I think about him almost every day although I try not too and keep myself busy with other activities like exercise so I keep myself realistic and grounded and I don't keep fantasizing over him. Rejection is a very real thing and I understand what might happen if I let him know what's up with me. 

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Update:

So tonight I shared a meme with him and it was BDSM related and it was a joke about how sensitive some girls can be yet they like rough relations during the diddly deed. He said, "Yeaaah unfortunately BDSM chicks be like that ya know?." And I was like "Woooow omg that hurts! I feel so called out LOL!" And so we bantered back and forth for a few minutes about it.. We're a bit more open now in regards to sexual topics (sexual jokes and some very vague details on our sex lives)... Should I bring it up soon that I'm interested in him sexually? Or should I hold back a little longer. 

Edited by UkelelePineapple
Gives away anonymity

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My cousin and I have a similar age difference to you and your cousin and we are a committed couple now. 

He sounds interested but when do you see him next in person? Seems like you could possibly tempt him if you propositioned him in person under the right circumstances. 

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1 hour ago, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

My cousin and I have a similar age difference to you and your cousin and we are a committed couple now. 

He sounds interested but when do you see him next in person? Seems like you could possibly tempt him if you propositioned him in person under the right circumstances. 

That's exactly what I was thinking of doing but I didn't wanna make it awkaward so I'm waiting for it to unfold some way. I don't know when I see him next. I'm just so confused and ready to just tell him so we both can do something about it (wink wink nudge nudge lol).

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He may not come forward with his feelings due to the incest taboo as well as the age difference. There's just a lot to overcome there and it's scary.

Do you two live close by? Why not ask him out on an outing? Make it happen. 

Off topic, but you said you're not looking for a romantic relationship, right? 

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10 hours ago, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

He may not come forward with his feelings due to the incest taboo as well as the age difference. There's just a lot to overcome there and it's scary.

Do you two live close by? Why not ask him out on an outing? Make it happen. 

Off topic, but you said you're not looking for a romantic relationship, right? 

I figured as much. And I did invite him but financially I'm in a rough spot so it's not possible. And yes I'm not looking for anything romantic at the moment. Purely sexual.

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I'm just asking cause in my family, our folks would freak and maybe disown us so we decided if we were going to cross this line, we wanted to go all the way and be committed to each other. But if you just want sex and you're committed to covering your tracks afterward, then I guess you don't need to worry about the what ifs for people finding out. 

Can you go somewhere semi cheap? Even just a coffee date. Can you invite back where you live? 

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On 6/26/2019 at 2:17 AM, UkelelePineapple said:

Hey Pooch!

I'm really not sure if I want a romantic relationship with him but a sexual relationship is definitely desired. The problem is I don't know if I should just outright confess my sexual feelings for him or keep it to myself and see what happens. So far here's what's been going on... He'll talk to me like every other day and we send memes back and forth between each other. We have casual conversation almost every other day to 4 days apart max. Just recently, he got into a new hobby of collecting old guns (I really am fascinated with old weaponry so this was neat for me to see that he'd bought and collected guns from 1800 and such) and he offered to teach me about them when he has fired them. I can't help but feel like maybe I need to tell him because if I don't it'll make the relationship unbearable and sucky yet I think that maybe if I say something it'll destroy my relationship I have with him. I want him so bad. I feel we're fairly close and friendly. I confide in him and he listens and offers advice and he's generally very open about a lot of things. I think about him almost every day although I try not too and keep myself busy with other activities like exercise so I keep myself realistic and grounded and I don't keep fantasizing over him. Rejection is a very real thing and I understand what might happen if I let him know what's up with me. 

I think you should try to be pretty whenever he's around. And make your texts sexy too, not just through memes then see if how he responds. If he pushes forward, then he got something; otherwise, I think he sees you as a childish brat (lol). If you buy a new dress, you might show that shirt with a selfie. haha

So he's into guns, huh? That's awesome. If you will get a time together, I think you will be able to tell him what you feel. You see, he's your cousin too..an older on in fact. Hence, for you guys to be together and for you to trust him is definitely OK. I think he is a good guy (he has a daughter after all!). And so whether he wants to get it on with you or not, either way, I think you are safe with him. Oh, and didn't I mention that he likes guns? So of course you are safe.. if you know what I mean. ;);)

Don't try not to think about him. Just be casual in your thinking with him and accept the fact that he is your crush. Period. Of course, it does not mean that you don't stop seeing other guys, right? That's not the point. The point is that, what you are feeling about your cousin is normal (and it is OK to fantasize about him and even think rated-18 thoughts about him) and if situation permits that you know, the texts becomes more steamy, then why the heck not grab it? ;) I do believe that the relationship will still be the same. Both of you are adults, but is definitely allowed to have your share of fun....and of course, sexy times. haha

The matter of rejection is not too critical for now. It may be the case that he feels that too, you know? So perhaps we can talk about it in this thread: What constitutes rejection for you? I mean like... what sort of thing are you planning that if he says "No", is a "hurtful rejection"? I mean, if you offer me a gum and I say "No thanks", that is a rejection but not a hurtful one, right? lol. Or in this context, if you ask me, "Hey Pooch, can you give me a ride to go to Walmart?" then I told you, "Im sorry. I can't. No". Sure it is a rejection and sure you probably be like, "Oh.."  But it is NOT as hurtful, yeah? You can take Uber definitely and you will understand why I respond that way (whatever my reason is). So same thing, what is it that you are planning to ask him wherein it will constitute a rejection that although it might sting a little bit, you will say that it doesn't actually hurt?

Compare the two questions in which he will say "No thanks". 

A. "Hey couz. You look so hot with that new haircut and rifle. I will be brutally honest with you. I want to have s_x with you, like right now, yes?"

versus

B. "Hey cous. Nice haircut and rifle! What do you think about friends with benefits?

B1. "Coz you know what, I think you can be a good one."

 

I bet you can do a lot of things, girl! ;)

 

On 6/27/2019 at 10:28 PM, UkelelePineapple said:

Update:

So tonight I shared a meme with him and it was BDSM related and it was a joke about how sensitive some girls can be yet they like rough relations during the diddly deed. He said, "Yeaaah unfortunately BDSM chicks be like that ya know?." And I was like "Woooow omg that hurts! I feel so called out LOL!" And so we bantered back and forth for a few minutes about it.. We're a bit more open now in regards to sexual topics (sexual jokes and some very vague details on our sex lives)... Should I bring it up soon that I'm interested in him sexually? Or should I hold back a little longer. 

This is perfect! You are definitely on the right track.. You must know what he likes sexually, you know..

I suggest don't bring up that you are interested with him sexually yet.. Try to hold on to it for a month more. But you have to be consistent. You know? In addition to sexual stuff, try to add the real you as well...What your everyday is like, what you eat, what you are doing, what you are feeling, what you think about the weather, etc.. lol. But here's the important part during this time: do not text him about your problems. Do not ask him about his problems. You must be a problem-free, issue-free girl. If you bring problems through text, you cease to be a cool chick and the guy's interest will plummet down fast. If you are sexual, then be consistent like that from time to time... But at the same time, add the real you as well. Shield him from any problems that you have (in real life I assume) because he is a fun guy. At the same time, you will have fun with him while exchanging memes. Know what I'm saying? :)

We will sort those things out later... Don't be in a hurry about this thing, then be casual,  but at the same time, feel free to express your sexuality with him.

 

 

Hope it helps!

Pooch

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10 hours ago, flimtos said:

Do you know if he has a girlfriend? Just curious. If he does, then probably ask him what do they do together.  Know Im saying? Don't feel guilty on your sexual thoughts about him... you do not control these attractions anyways. But try to gauge if he is a little liberated with regarding these stuff. By the way, you are 21 years old so you got some HUGE advantage. You definitely can pull this one off, I am telling ya. 

Doesn't have your own insights, bro? ? i appreciate you quoting me there. ? but it would be nicer if u got your own insights too in addition.

 

Pooch

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He's a troll. Been deleting his posts, nothing is original except for some weird website he is pushing.

 

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23 hours ago, Romalee said:

He's a troll. Been deleting his posts, nothing is original except for some weird website he is pushing.

 

Hi Romalee,

I thought so. That kind of post was a little bit weird. ?

 

Pooch

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