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Indigo_109

Cousin marriages, incest?

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Hi, I'm an absolute newbie and I love that this website exists. Right, to the point! I'm not gonna bore you with the details of my love story, but I will say that I've had a really difficult time digesting the fact that  my cousin and I want to get married. 

You see, I was one of those people who thought cousin marriages were gross and that there were billions of other people in the world so no one should have a relationship, let alone marry, their cousins. Boy oh boy how karma likes to bite you back in the arse! 

I fell in love with my first cousin who lived two oceans apart, I really rarely saw him so he wasn't like a brother or anything close, you could say a stranger? We never really spoke, I just about recognised who he was. 

Anyway, I know I shouldn't care about what people think, but it gets to me when people say things like "Ew that's incest."

I don't know, I just think it's so hurtful when people say horrible degrading things like "oh it's like sleeping with your brother"... I don't consider it incestuous at all, but upon researching cousin marriages, I came across some people who felt strongly about it being incest. That grosses me out and makes me see my husband-to-be in a different light. 

I know, I know, I shouldn't care, but I need reassurance that marrying your cousin isn't actually gross, or incest. I feel disgusted at the prospect of being in a potentially incestuous relationship, and I suppose my judgement is clouded by other people's opinions, so I need some positive opinions to realise that the world isn't full of haters.

Thanks :)

Edited by Yasmin

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Yasmin,

First of all, you can't fix stupid.  People who say such things haven't researched incest,  they are just repeating what they've heard.  Secondly they are just trying to control your thoughts.  They have no right to do that.

For years now, I've been recommending a book:  NASTY PEOPLE;  HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.  Dr. Carter explains how to recognize bullies  and how to treat them in a positive manner.  This book really works.  You can download it from Amazon or your library can get you a copy.  It is lots of fun confusing the bullies!

HUGS

Nat

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The book of Leviticus in the Bible gives a detailed definition of incest, and cousin love is NOT there.

It is legal to marry your cousin in Canada and parts of the U.S., and other parts of the world, so I imagine that places that allow it, know it's not incest.

Read other cousin-marriage facts on this website to learn other things about cousin-marriage.

And perhaps think about how you would feel if you broke off your engagement to your fiancee. Would you regret losing him for any reason, including the fact that you let people dissuade you because he was your cousin?  Those people who say "incest" aren't going to help you find someone else you want to marry if you break up with your cousin.  Critics can be good at criticizing, but they're not there to help you put your life together years down the road.  Those people are usually gone by then.  Live your life on your own terms.  Be prepared to face the consequences of any of your actions, knowing that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything you do and choose.

Best of luck :)

Ambra

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11 hours ago, Nattana said:

First of all, you can't fix stupid. 

I love it! Haha. Indeed. 😊

Some people are misinformed and ignorant but some people are really just plain stupid. Lol!

Pooch

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12 hours ago, Yasmin said:

upon researching cousin marriages, I came across some people who felt strongly about it being incest. 

And this is where? On the internet? As Nattana said, people say stupid things all the time...even all the more, hurtful things. 

You dont need to justify if you got feelings for your cousin. They are your feelings and they cannot be wrong. If I am in pain, nobody in the world including the great Dr. Derek Sheppherd can say thay I am not in pain, because that is what I feel. Same goes if you are happy. If you are genuinely happy (with your cousin for example), people cannot say you are incorrect for feeling that way

So let people deal with that -- but you live your life. Our website has done very good research throughout the years. I have been in this forum since my freshman in college. I have not seen anybody rebut (all the more, refute) any of the points here. (I guess because they are facts!) H

I mean, I can flip it around and tell the one that say "ew. Thats like sleeping with your brother", for typical relationships, "Eeew! Sleeping with a stranger? You dont know that person. You dont even know his genetic background. Disgusting." Now, it might not have the same fangs as the comment by critics due to social construct but we can argue that it goes both ways. Nevertheless, if the place where you guys at allows you to be married, nobody is stopping you guys. For even God is not disfavoring cousin marriages; matter of fact, He may even like it! (Ambra_flows mentioned Leviticus) and as seen in the examples in human history.

So yeah, welcome to CC forum. Enjoy your stay!

 

Pooch

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5 hours ago, Ambra_Flows said:

Those people who say "incest" aren't going to help you find someone else you want to marry if you break up with your cousin.  

So true!!! Critics won't be there to rebuild your life. I always try to remember that, at the end of the day when I'm behind the closed doors of my home, if I'm happy then that's all that matters, because even if let's say I marry the 'ideal partner' people want you to have, if deep down I'm not happy, I'm only living for people. And that's not living your life, let alone a fulfilling one. It's a facade. 

Thank you!!!!

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1 hour ago, pooch said:

On the internet?

Yep on the internet. I mean people I know aren't as brutal about it, many of them come from cultures where cousin marriages are encouraged, but I suppose they don't agree with it because they've had enough of it? 

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I think it's amazing how world religions aren't even against cousin marriages. I thought the Bible would be against it, but much to my surprise you could even say it was encouraging it! I suppose some people do have a brotherly/sisterly relationship with their cousins, and so it's just a bit weird for them. But that's the same with with a childhood best friend, if you've grown up together you're like siblings and no one's hating on their union. 

Honestly this has really helped! Thank you guys for the support :)

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You are very welcome!  Just remember you are only responsible for YOUR thoughts.  

I found the NP book at a thrift store and got it for TEN cents!  The best bargain of my life!  I read it over and over again until I really understood it.  Since that time, my life has been very happy ALL THE TIME.  

HUGS

NAT

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On 6/6/2019 at 6:27 AM, Indigo_109 said:

Yep on the internet. I mean people I know aren't as brutal about it, many of them come from cultures where cousin marriages are encouraged, but I suppose they don't agree with it because they've had enough of it? 

Nah. Its just that in the internet, people can be as nasty as they can due to anonimity. But given a serious talk nobody can argue against cousin relationships in factual conversation. 👍

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