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ReachIntoTheVoid

Anyone else committed to lifelong secrecy?

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My first cousin and I (30sF, 40sM) are together and we are both committed to keeping our relationship secret, not out of legal concern (cousin marriage is legal where we are) but because we know our families woild not react well. Neither of us has EVER wanted to get married or have kids so that's a moot point. We intend to keep the relationship under wraps until all our parents are gone. 

I see a lot of stories about telling families, marriage, etc. but has anyone committed to keeping the relationship largely under wraps? 

Looking for ideas on how to explain hi eventually moving in with me. We are thinking of saying that he needed a cheap room to rent. I make mror than he does (different fields) so it's not unheard of. 

 

Share your secrevy tips! 

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On 6/14/2019 at 11:09 PM, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

My first cousin and I (30sF, 40sM) are together and we are both committed to keeping our relationship secret, not out of legal concern (cousin marriage is legal where we are) but because we know our families woild not react well. Neither of us has EVER wanted to get married or have kids so that's a moot point. We intend to keep the relationship under wraps until all our parents are gone. 

I see a lot of stories about telling families, marriage, etc. but has anyone committed to keeping the relationship largely under wraps? 

Looking for ideas on how to explain hi eventually moving in with me. We are thinking of saying that he needed a cheap room to rent. I make mror than he does (different fields) so it's not unheard of. 

 

Share your secrevy tips! 

Omg!

You are so cool. You know what we considered this as well.. but i dunno... we still want to give it a shot.. And yes, we both hold marriage as sacred and of high standard and seriousness so that's why probably..

 

Anyways, i will comment more. Nice thread though!

 

Pooch

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Yeah I've never really wanted to get married and neither has my cousin. I'm wondering how we would be perceived when moving in together. 

As long as we can live together in the future, I don't care. 

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2 hours ago, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

Yeah I've never really wanted to get married and neither has my cousin. I'm wondering how we would be perceived when moving in together. 

As long as we can live together in the future, I don't care. 

Are you the guy or the girl? From the order of your post, you are the girl, yeah?

At any rate, the reason why I ask is because 

On 6/14/2019 at 10:09 PM, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

...because we know our families woild not react well. Neither of us has EVER wanted to get married or have kids so that's a moot point.

Let's pretend the stars aligned differently and you know the future and that both families will accept you...or make it no big deal. (again, let's pretend). My question would be: will your answer change? Like... it sounds to me that your desire (or lack thereof) for marriage is contingent to the families reaction, am I right?

Since I want to isolate marriage itself, that's why I asked. Now, you plan of moving in together -- to be honest, it is almost like marriage in the practical sense. I mean, you will be living with him man.. Sooo..it's really not the marriage issue.

If you would commit to life-long secrecy, then you cannot be moving in together, am I right? Or.. perhaps you can enlighten us on your plans. 

Again, thanks for the thread coz I can relate to this. Thanks for opening this. :)

 

 

Pooch

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I'm female. Even if our families were okay with it, we still don't want to get married. Neither of us like the institution of marriage and don't want the govt to get involved in our relationship and honestly, the idea of having a wedding makes me shudder. It's just something I've never wanted. 

To note, where we would be living is not a common law state so just living together does not make us married in the eyes of the law. 

We are hoping to live together but claim separate bedrooms/bathrooms and tell our families that he's just renting with me (he has lived with other family members in the past so this isn't unheard of). He doesn't make a whole lot and I could claim that while I'm helping him out with cheap rent, his paying rent would be helping me to save for a downpayment on a house someday. Very reasonable and responsible, right? Thus, not living together for romantic purposes but for practical ones, just having a relative for a roommate.

What do you think? 

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I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Do you really want to live a life of secrecy?  It will get old real quick - real quick.

Are you so concerned about what others might think that you're willing to live like that?  I mean think this through - holidays will be spent with family who don't love you enough to wish for your happiness.  You will be giving up so very, very much for people who presumably don't want you to find love.

I would think this through carefully.  You won't be able to hide it for long; do you really want to?

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On 6/18/2019 at 10:09 PM, ReachIntoTheVoid said:

I'm female. Even if our families were okay with it, we still don't want to get married. Neither of us like the institution of marriage and don't want the govt to get involved in our relationship and honestly, the idea of having a wedding makes me shudder. It's just something I've never wanted. 

To note, where we would be living is not a common law state so just living together does not make us married in the eyes of the law. 

We are hoping to live together but claim separate bedrooms/bathrooms and tell our families that he's just renting with me (he has lived with other family members in the past so this isn't unheard of). He doesn't make a whole lot and I could claim that while I'm helping him out with cheap rent, his paying rent would be helping me to save for a downpayment on a house someday. Very reasonable and responsible, right? Thus, not living together for romantic purposes but for practical ones, just having a relative for a roommate.

What do you think? 

Your plan sounds good.  So what makes you hesitant?  What is that nagging voice that puts doubts in your head, that made you come here?  There must be something.

And living a secret romantic life, could get old quick.  If you're very private people, that might help.

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Serendipity, 

You're right, it's a lot to consider. I doubt my family would take it well. Not because they don't care, more just because of the stigma ("ick" factor) and some other family stuff I don't feel like going into but I can promise you, it's serious. I definitely worry about souring my family relationships. Friends not so much, it's family I worry about. 

 

Ambra, 

Of course I have doubt, and that's why I posted. I worry that somehow we will be found out. Not sure how, but somehow. Or maybe one day, they just stop buying our story. That's my doubt and my fear. 

We both have a fair bit to lose but I love him so much. Our love is unlike anything I've experienced before. I've never connected with someone so well. He is worth it and I am worth it to him in return.

We are both fairly private people, yes. I don't really talk about my love life with friends or even family. 

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Serendipity and Ambra are  both correct, the secrecy will get old really quick!

I suspect that the family will figure it out quickly, probably before the secrecy gets old!

You can go ahead and implement your plan and move in together but don't be surprised

of what comes after. Love can't be hidden, especially in the eyes!!!

 

Best wishes.

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I am worried that I will somehow destroy my relationship with my parents. That they may look at me with disgust and may never get over it. 

You're right, the secrecy may get old, or maybe they will figure things out eventually. I'm not really sure what to do but I think for now I want to keep it secret and I know my cousin wants to as well. 

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Yeahh i have a secret, i used to peep in her room while she was changing.

When she finds out I am peeping started changing in a more seductive manner.

I serously like her very much

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