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Browneyedgal

Family threats for our realationship

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So they other day i got into an argument with my parents about "when they knew i was with my love (3rd or 4th cousin)" They don't we are still together. They basically said they would have me thrown into an institution for mental help if i did try to be with him and they would shun me. Granted Im 19 and fixing to move out to go to college. My love is in basic training and will be until july. He plans to see me during the time im in school but i'll  have to hide it from my parents even though i'll be out on my own making my own decisions. They brought up biblical references and i know that where it talks about who you can and can't marry it's ver specific. Even legally in my state of oklahoma there is nothing against us.

They stated they couldn't control who i dated or who was with. But the seem want to control me. I dont want to use them but i'll have to saty in touch with my parents for financial stuff for federal aid. 

 

What should i do?

His family is fine with us and are happy we are together and they want to see us happy. I do plan to marry him out of state after i graduate but i just need some help and advice on these threats. I told my family it wouldn't happen between me and him to stop the argument and appease them. I don't plan to talk about it or argue with them anymore. If they make jokes about i'll fake laugh about it if you get my point.

 

Any legal help or advice or advice in general would help tremendously.

❤️ Nanner

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Is the sole reason they dont want you to be together is because youre cousins? Have you explained you share very little dna? Like .5% to 1.5%? If you share any at all? I will say a family member of mine was so upset but we moved forward anyway and eventually they accepted it. The bible doesnt forbid it and there are examples of cousin marriges in the bible. No where in the US is it illegal to even marry a 2nd cousin. Ive seen so many stories of ppl finding out through dna they were 3rd or 4th cousins. Google i married my 3rd cousin and an article will pop up of someone finding out that way. Eduated them the best you can in genetics. Good luck and best wishes!

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Just a disclaimer, We do not give any legal advice on this site.  

Best advice is to contact a lawyer if you think you are in need of legal advice.

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They are bluffing.  There is no grounds for "throwing you into a mental institute".  As for the shunning - maybe they will.  But you can't control their behavior.

You are in a a pickle as far as financial aid goes.  You can declare yourself independent from your family - if you want/can to go down that road.

This is how I see things:

You are willing to draw the line in the sand for a young man who is joining the military and whom you won't get to see very much over the next 4 years; you will have school obligations and he will have military obligations.  If you were one of my daughter (my daughters are college age), I would advise you to stay open to dating during the college years.  You are young and you have no idea what the next 4 years may bring.  If this romance with your distant cousin is meant to be, it will weather the separation.  But you do realize that the odds are against the two of you?  I don't say that to be pessimistic - only realistic.

Keeping a relationship secret is not easy and not fun.  If you can avoid it, I would encourage you to do so.

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On 6/23/2019 at 3:12 PM, Browneyedgal said:

So they other day i got into an argument with my parents about "when they knew i was with my love (3rd or 4th cousin)" They don't we are still together. They basically said they would have me thrown into an institution for mental help if i did try to be with him and they would shun me. Granted Im 19 and fixing to move out to go to college. My love is in basic training and will be until july. He plans to see me during the time im in school but i'll  have to hide it from my parents even though i'll be out on my own making my own decisions. They brought up biblical references and i know that where it talks about who you can and can't marry it's ver specific. Even legally in my state of oklahoma there is nothing against us.

They stated they couldn't control who i dated or who was with. But the seem want to control me. I dont want to use them but i'll have to saty in touch with my parents for financial stuff for federal aid. 

 

What should i do?

His family is fine with us and are happy we are together and they want to see us happy. I do plan to marry him out of state after i graduate but i just need some help and advice on these threats. I told my family it wouldn't happen between me and him to stop the argument and appease them. I don't plan to talk about it or argue with them anymore. If they make jokes about i'll fake laugh about it if you get my point.

 

Any legal help or advice or advice in general would help tremendously.

❤️ Nanner

Hi Nanner,

Oh my. I do have lots of questions for you! haha.

How long have you had this thing with your cousin? When did it start?

Also, don't worry about your parents for now. It is alright to enter into a secret relationship with him...for now. 

I like this,

His family is fine with us and are happy we are together and they want to see us happy. I do plan to marry him..."

This is critical since now I know where you are coming from.

Can I also ask whether he is your first love? Or.. have you had other guys before him? What about him? Tell us more about him..

 

I hope you come update us more often! :)

 

Pooch

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On 7/3/2019 at 8:16 AM, pooch said:

Hi Nanner,

Oh my. I do have lots of questions for you! haha.

How long have you had this thing with your cousin? When did it start?

Also, don't worry about your parents for now. It is alright to enter into a secret relationship with him...for now. 

I like this,

His family is fine with us and are happy we are together and they want to see us happy. I do plan to marry him..."

This is critical since now I know where you are coming from.

Can I also ask whether he is your first love? Or.. have you had other guys before him? What about him? Tell us more about him..

 

I hope you come update us more often! :)

 

Pooch

Hi pooch! thank you for responding,

I've had had this thing with my love since january and he is my first actual realtionship. He means so much to me. He is kind , funny, caring , brave I could go on all day about him. 

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browneyedgirl, i have to agree wholeheartedly with serendipity. i think it's wonderful that you have found such a wonderful young man with such admirable qualities! but the next four years are going to bring a lot of changes. those feelings that seem so strong right now may fade when the two of you are so far apart! jeapardizing the financial aid your parents can provide during your college years for your relationship may not be the most prudent thing. there will be plenty of time to stand your ground and tell your parents you intend to marry him once you have finished college and know for certain that your love will stand the test of time (and distance!)

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