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Vinegar

Help! I have feelings for my Cousin. She is currently dating someone that looks just like me. Am I reading too much into things? Should I tell her I have feelings for her?

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Context: 

Typical Male/female, young childhood and into early teens (friendship with romance)(*yeah we kissed and Stuff) Spent everyday together. Listened to each other, lived, laughed together, think happy children and broody early teens. We have Strict parents who weren’t entirely comfortable with the romance element but were supportive of our friendship(always warned us not to be kissing etc* they didn’t know also). We were best friends. We often just held each other and watched Cartoons. We done some experimenting but I was too weary and alert to our parents and what other people might think for it to have properly lead to sex. We got bullied by nasty kids on our block because we were always together and they made insinuations and it got her down. She said as we finally decided to cool off from one another and go our separate ways because of the social attitude, she said and I know that we were both young maybe 11 or so she said that we’d run away with each other when we’re older. And that was that. We were always happy to see each other but that barrier we erected when we were younger stayed up. It created awkward silences and created an air of frustration which loomed and brought a certain sadness. We grew apart. 

Skip on a few years and we’re in our early twenties attending a family event. Her boyfriend is not present. What’s also really important for me to mention is that her boyfriend looks really similar to me. So we’re at a family event without her bf and things just started to happening. We made each other laugh like we used to. She was staring at me ,fidgeting with her hair touching me on my arm making really high pitched sounds when she was with me or whenever I came into the room. But here’s the catch this happens on and off like such hot and cold. She even caressed my younger cousin and looks my way as if to say, yo dude I do this to everyone. Who knows maybe she does? Her boyfriend is quite weary or cold to   me and I to him. We show each other respect but I dislike him. She always leaves in a hurry with him if the three of us meet etc. 

So what I want to discern is am I looking too much into these little things? Should I ever bring up the past with her. We’re not in contact with each other and definitely live separate lives. When we see each other we’re with other people. But I can’t shake the feelings I have for her. It’s like lightening running through my veins or when the sun emerges from behind a cloud. Nobody makes me laugh like her and she really brings out the best in me. What should I do? 

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Well if you don't do something soon, there will be nothing left to do. 

I am separated from my cousin now. Yeah forever. BUT I LOVE stories like this. Maybe I am more of a romantic than I think!

There is a theory called "Assortative  positive mating." It simply means that individuals typically seek out mates that are more similar to them rather then dissimilar. It makes sense. Cousins share all of these attributes that would attract a mate. So the fact that her boyfriend is a lot like you is no surprise at all. 

At this point she is giving you mixed messages. She is testing you for sure. The question is not whether or not she likes you, the question is what are you gonna do about it.

Frankly, if you have to ask the question, I suggest that you do nothing. Leave it alone. Sure she is cute and you have a connection, not to mention a shared history. But you both have mixed feelings and that, I believe, is a sign just to let it be. Let her marry her dumb-ass boyfriend. If you can do that, then you should leave it where it is at.

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Its not that i have to ask the question per say , given the right circumstances , the right timing or the correct situation i would definitely have the conversation with her . neither is it that i feel there are mixed emotions, at least not on my part anyway. Given that a similar series of events took place once again and more touch feely stuff happened, it seems likely she doesn't feel or have these mixed emotions also. It could be just flirting who knows. There's never going to be a correct or an appropriate time to do this so i have devised a plan in which i feel might work. 

The plan is as such. Because travel is on my agenda. I plan to leave where i live to either another state or another country and before i do this i plan to leave her a letter containing in it enough money for travel and living for awhile. In the letter I will basically spill my guts . . . Hows that for romantic. It leaves us both in a Good position that way and whatever will happen will happen so far so forth. If she feels at the time that the trial vacation is what she needs in her life then thats great.*Obviously if she is still with her bf ill tell her to keep it a secret. It takes a certain amount of risk out of both our lives. I have to try. As you say and as I have figured at this stage, there could be nothing left to do.

On 10/1/2019 at 8:18 AM, KC said:

Well if you don't do something soon, there will be nothing left to do. 

I am separated from my cousin now. Yeah forever. BUT I LOVE stories like this. Maybe I am more of a romantic than I think!

There is a theory called "Assortative  positive mating." It simply means that individuals typically seek out mates that are more similar to them rather then dissimilar. It makes sense. Cousins share all of these attributes that would attract a mate. So the fact that her boyfriend is a lot like you is no surprise at all. 

At this point she is giving you mixed messages. She is testing you for sure. The question is not whether or not she likes you, the question is what are you gonna do about it.

Frankly, if you have to ask the question, I suggest that you do nothing. Leave it alone. Sure she is cute and you have a connection, not to mention a shared history. But you both have mixed feelings and that, I believe, is a sign just to let it be. Let her marry her dumb-arse boyfriend. If you can do that, then you should leave it where it is at.

 

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