This won’t have much substance other than to thank the regular posters and mods for making me feel at home with your intelligence, ultra grammerz, and thoughtfulness that I see throughout each post I have read.
Im a girl with a lifelong puppy crush on a 2y younger male cousin. It has recently turned into something that occupies my mind more frequently, as we have increased personal contact over the summer due to a few family nights out.
(500 mile geographical issue in the USA, been home frequently for my mother’s recent health probs )
We are both in our 30s and I am engaged to someone else. I am not looking to pursue anything romantic, have no idea if it’s even reciprocated.
I am facing family pressure in the sense that his mother encourages time spent together.
I worry that she misunderstands the intention(s) behind the positive effect we have on one another, simply because her culture is 🇵🇭 and I don’t want to let her down if she is caught off guard that this might have developed.
My cousin and I were both raised on the east coast. He’s my only first male cousin and I went to all girls school which might have fueled the crush long ago.
I don’t necessarily feel weird that I think of him in this way. I can be prone to girlish crushes but never act on them.
However! Since our family likes the results of spending time together, I am nervous. I have full self discipline but feel deeply protective of my crush cousin,
and have admitted to myself reading this forum that I would welcome his <hypothetically> less than cousinly advances should I have been single upon this more adult view of our dynamic.
How can I be the best role model type cousin without hurting him or sending creepy (maybe to him?) signals?
I have a very boyish career trajectory and we both have checkered personal pasts (addictions, anorexia, etc) and I have been surprised to feel like I may be more centered and able to be some sort of role model for once in my life, even though he’s doing well enough for himself rn.
I don’t want to let down my aunt who is catholic and Philippine
(dad’s are brothers, that’s the extent of my immediate family)
I don’t want to let him down as a cousin because I want him to feel valued for more than a love interest. ***however***
i spent a lot of time as a stripper in my early twenties so I feel I can sometimes inject too much of my own sexuality with males I care enough about to encourage. In my own mind or in dark humor moments. While this has never failed me I want to protect my cousin from any of that kind of exposure because I’d like him to pursue a woman more wholesome than I am (he has never brought a woman around the family for holidays which is customary with our little clan, he’s the only boy tho)
You guys are all awesome, even the weirdos among us who make weird OP’s 😂. I wanted to say that first and foremost. I’ve never seen a message board with more depth of thought per paragraph than here.
Cheers and love to you all 💕 and I shall resume lurking in ~2018 threads, as admitting this whole subject is new and interesting to me.
Hi, so I don't really know how to properly start this off so I'll just jump into it!
Me and my cousin (1st cousin once removed) are intimate, and very much inlove. I've never wanted to be with someone so badly before. And I've also never been so happy with someone. We've been dating in secret for about 4 years as of this August, and it has been so bitter sweet. There has been a few times when he's second guessed our relationship, and has tried to seek another partner. But we always wind up falling back together. (This has happened twice). The reason i came here today Is because i know how afraid he is to be open to our family about us, and this impacts our connection here and there. He tells me all the time how perfect I am and how our relationship is the best he's ever had. He cant help but embrace and kiss me when he gets home. But there are times like of recent where we have problems. Yesterday I had an intuitive feeling that something was just not right. So he gets home and and embraces me as usual and goes to take a shower, and while he is showering I go through his phone (ik complete intrusion of privacy *but at that moment I could not help myself*) and i come to find that he's chatted with a woman from his job. Mostly compliments from all that i could see and remember. And it hurt me so badly to my core, all I could was take a deep breath and go for a walk. When i got back i confronted him and asked him why? He goes to say a few things I know were from anger and then he tells me he knows we won't have a family together (I'm thinking that weve all heard the uneducated saying that cousins who reproduce, have "challenged" children *& I belive he's afraid of that, no matter how much i discuss the statistics with him*) these words hurt me so badly and it was so hard for me to process and accept the reality that maybe he doesnt actually want to be with me. We havent talked pretty much at all today but all day I've been having moments where i would cry because i couldnt imagine a world where we weren't in love with one another. So I just wanted to come her looking to get feedback from others in situations similar to ours to inspire hope for our relationship, I want him to know that me and him are possible, that we can make things work, that nothing is wrong with what we have , and that we can be happy! So please If you have any encouraging words or advice please feel more then free to respond🧡
Hello, CC. I've been in a relationship with my second cousin (or so that's how I was told we're related.) for almost two years now. While we're still young (between 18-25 years old), this is definitely the most loving, healthy, balanced and caring relationship I've ever been in and she can say the same for herself (I'm a female and she's a MtF transgender. She's on estrogen and testosterone blockers and is infertile as a result). I believe with all my heart that she's the person I was meant to be with. Growing up, we were always told we were second cousins by our family members and when things started getting romantic, we were very relieved that second cousin marriages were legal in every state in the U.S, where we reside. We've both always loved the idea of getting married and having families of our own and when our relationship started to get a little bit more serious, we decided to do our own "homework" so to speak, just to make sure we had the legalities figured out.
Well, apparently, we didn't. Apparently your parent's cousin is your first-cousin-once-removed (1stCOR), not your second cousin. Which is fine, because 1stCOR marriages are legal in every state but 6. We'd statistically be in the clear, right? Wrong. Of course we had to reside in one of those 6 states (Washington). Not to mention, we can't even get married in a state where it's legal and then come back, as the state will consider the marriage void. Now, it's legal for us to be in a sexual/cohabiting relationship. Just no marriage. When I first read that, I first got angry and defensive. How the heck would the state even know? We don't do blood tests or anything so how would they even know? Then I found out when you apply for a marriage license both parties have to record their parent's first and last names on the application. Now, neither of our parents have the same last name, but my girlfriend's mom is my maternal grandmother's sister. They both have the same maiden names. Then my mind started racing and I got anxious, thinking "during the three day waiting period the state must do a background check where they check your family tree to make sure you're not related so if we apply for a marriage license we're gonna get denied and that'll be a whole other level of embarrassment and I can't deal with that."
So now I'm in bed at almost midnight being drinking tea. I'm no longer angry and defensive, and I somewhat understand why the law is in place. It still just sucks and I'm super sad. I just want to marry my best friend. I wish I didn't look it up because at least I could claim ignorance, blame it on the terminology used by my family my entire life. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to just... get it out? Since I can't talk to my family about it (they know of the relationship but 95% of them are very unsupportive).
This is my first post, sorry if I leave stuff out. I have liked my cousin for a few years now, I have no clue how she feels about me and I have no clue how to tell her I like her. We live in the same state, the state we live in, 1st cousin marriage is legal. I am about 3 years older than her. and we live about half an hour away and see each other about every other month.
By Iron man
Plz answer me.....only INDIANS WILL UNDERSTAND AS MY ENGLISH IS NOT SO GOOD
I am a 23 year old hindu boy , from northern part of india... and I like my cousin sister (23 year)... I am writing "like" becoz i am confused whether I love her or not.
But she love me a lot... Deeply..... Since childhood...And wanted to marry me.
These things I came to knew from her elder sister.....Then her sister asked me that what is all this??
We used to talk on phone on weekly basis from 4 or 5 year only AND we never make any physical relationship
She is living in village and always busy with her household work....I want her to move from that place.... Join some classes.... Explore other things..... And may be she find someone better than me
But I don't know how to tell these things to her.
Sometimes I felt guilty also......that....why I not cleared the things before.........we never propose to each other... But from past 1 year I started doubting that something is going out of the way
Also she has no idea that how much it's danger for the offspring as well as it's illegal
Now what I do... Because I want her happiness only....
she is very nice girl as she used to support me in all my decision... That's why I didn't wanted to broke her heart.... I only want that she love someone else....
If she wouldn't be my first cousin then surely I will marrey her
Now u guys tell what I do.... Should I have to marry her?? Or maybe she will understand with time