Hi CC forum,
Im not sure how I am going to word this as my mind is all over the place but here goes.
I will start with my current situation in hopes that it will give a you a clearer image of what I am going through currently. I am 27 year old, graduated University (college) and now looking to start his career (this is my current mindset). During this time I have other goals to achieve which include acquiring my inheritance before my mum passes away. She is in her 60s and her health is not the best. This will cause several issue as property assets are currently occupied with a resident (family member) overseas. By any chance I managed to reclaim the property and sold it off or trade it; I am 1 step closer to my dream of living peacefully with a roof and heating but also having a loving partner and kids in the future.
My mum started the whole topic of me marrying my second cousin (her nephews, daughter). I instantly declined as I did not like the idea of cousin marriage, the genetics problems, the social stigma and the person I am supposed to marry. After a handful of years of trying to convince me, she dropped the conversation because the daughter also said no. Great! i am saved or so i thought. This family is also the one that is occupying the property I am trying to reclaim.
Over the last 3-5 years, I happened to notice my first cousin; My mum's brother, daughter. I was attracted to her physical appearance as she has sharp features but I did not pursue the attraction and left it as just as a crush/lust.
As of last year, my mum brought up the conversation of getting married to my first cousin as she puts it " i want to see you happy with kids and a loving partner that will not break you". She thinks my first cousin will be a perfect match for my personality as hers fits with mine.
As of right now, she is 20 and I am 27. In the past year we have started talking a lot because of this and started to calling each other "babe", she is already sees me as her future husband. I do not mind it but i think i entertained this for far to long but as the time is getting closer to achieve my goal of reclaiming my property I have to deal with this as my mum is using this as a bargaining chip or a trade, hence why i carried on the conversation with my cousin to get things rolling for the property. She wants me to marry her as she requires a assistant and she promised her brother, She spoke to my cousin and she agrees to the marriage as it also benefits her; she will have a better life by coming here to us, financially, education and opportunities. Me and mum have had several arguments about this, and she claims that it is easy for her to get a guy and get married due to the her looks but she rather keep her in the family because of her character and in response i told her if she can get any guy then get her married. in the end the arguments go nowhere and get stuck in the loop. I personally do not agree with the character part as I have seen her talk to other guys that have promised her dreams that she can get by being involved with them (not physically) and thus doing so has shown to be naive and desperate as life in the East is not the best. Fair enough maybe I am being to hard on her. If i do go ahead with this I get my property and money but i will not be happy with this situation internally as this is another thing i need to get rid of in the next 5 years if we do happen to get married. My problem with this are the following:
Genetic defects with first cousin marriage is i start getting attached to her as i am already attracted to her physically Social acceptance and bring up the topic with my kids in the future which includes the acceptance from my godmother and my brother and his family as they were already against it with my second cousin. Her educational level and finance/income (i am a struggling artist so i can not provide for 2 people let alone for myself). I spoke to her regarding this and she expressed that she wants to continue her studies and work here but she has no idea on what to do. Her current grades will be enough to do a course but nothing high paid such as a doctor, lawyer or IT. I have a feeling that she is only agreeing because it will help her get a PR in UK by marrying me as she stated this in our earlier conversation but this later changed or got hidden away as we progressed through our text messages. Texting and video phone calls get boring easily due to language barrier. No moral support of understanding of mental issues of life as she lacks experience or knowledge. Have to groom her for western society. Hope that has made sense and expressed the negativity of the situation and now the positive.
I am not the best at using text messages and calling as i prefer the face to face interaction so the bonding and getting to know her is suffering in that regards. So far we have found out about each other the following (main similarities and goals):
> Wants 2 kids
> Wants to travel and see different parts of the world.
> Have similar fashion sense.
> Wants to get married to someone that will care and respect them and not mistreat them.
For me, these things are not enough to be fully excited over a person. I asked for advice from my mums close friend. She said she will marry a cousin if they are nice but also they didnt grow up together or had much contact. She has many cousins with whom she grew up with since she was young so for her cousin marriage is weird if its marrying a sister/brother like cousin figure and not a semi-stranger. My mums friend said that its best if i give her a chance and maybe things will flourish or if they dont just say they are not working out for you. She (My cousin) has told her close friend of who i am (future husband) and people are interested in seeing me. I do not know if she told them i am her first cousin. My mum, my cousin and her family agree to the wedding but i am the only one being indecisive. When i do go to the East during this year my cousin wants to hang out with me and do stuff which is nice and both parental parties are fine with it as my cousin is the one that helps my mum out when she is here.
In conclusion, deep down i dont want to go through with this headache with the whole marriage thing and my mind is not there yet maybe in the near future. Reading materials about genetics with like reading a text argument between siblings, i am unsure on what side carries more weight. I do not have the resources to help her grow into the person she wants to be because i am trying to grow myself. Even though i live with my mum and so will she if she does move here, it will be a blocker for me as she will probably wants to do things together. Some advice on things i have mentioned will help and your experience as to why you chose to marry a first cousin.
By The Riddler
Apologies if I make mistakes, very new here. I’m extremely happy that there is a community like this, in the world we live in.
I need your opinion on my situation.
Off the bat, I’m in love with my first cousin and I’m sure she feels like same but I need to be 100% sure so that I can make a move becoz I intend to.
We are an affectionate family, we all hug and kiss.
I’m 24 (m) and she’s 32(f) married with 2 children who I get along with well. She’s in a toxic marriage that won’t last much longer.
This sexual tension between us has been building over the last 2 years.
Whenever we see each other, we always sit next to each other and our legs touch etc for example she’ll always use my knee as support when she gets up IMO just to touch my leg.
We were recently under a blanket and I made a move to hold her hand but interlocked hand holding which she was okay with. I have hugged her from behind and she likes it.
When I hug her it’s always a bit longer plus my hands are around her waist and our legs always touch, we always give a bit more of a kiss than a usual peck. Not sure if I’m reading too much into it.
When she fixes my pants becoz they falling down she will let her hand run across my bum.
I often pass each other by and give a little shoulder rub or a hand glide on the back.
Im definitely more forward than she is but she has never seemed uncomfortable with the interactions and has initiated some herself. She regularly puts her feet under my legs.
I think she might be holding back for the same reason i am.
What do you guys think and how should I make a move? I’ve already held her hand and now I’d like to French kiss her and cuddling.
Possibly make love if it can get to that. I love her a lot.
So my 2nd cousin is coming out for vacation and we’ve been talking over the phone for the last several months before she gets here to New York. I have a crush on her, but not sure she is interested in me. During our talks she has said she wants to do molly with me and get super drunk. She said that she is down for anything, knows we are going to be sleeping in the same bed when she comes out. We’re both in our late 30’s, and the family is not really a factor. We’ve seen each other maybe a total of four times our whole lives but have always kept in touch
She’s been sending me pics of what she’s going to wear when she’s out here, telling me things like her butt is hanging out of her romper and that she needs help from me zipping her dresses up.
Then there are moments when she completely shuts down and I don’t hear from her for a couple of days. Then she will hit me back up like nothing happened... however yesterday she was extremely short with me, and I didn’t hear from her today. I’m giving her whatever space she needs.
We have already planned a trip for Australia together in the winter and again she knows we’re sharing a bed, and it’s just going to be us and another trip to France in the summer. She says things like “What if you find someone, you won’t want to go with me” and I’ll reply with the same question and she’ll say she never wants to date again
She’s single and I’m single... no kids.
So I guess my question is, does it sound like she’s open to whatever happens when she comes out here? Knowing she is down to drink and do molly with me, staying in the same bed, chatting back and forth etc, or is she just coming out to have a good time? Am I reading too much into the partying aspect of the trip?
She has never alluded to wanting to hook up, but would she? I’ve never alluded either.
Hi. So, I’m currently 14, and so is my second cousin. (who I’ve known only less than a year now) Now, I know I seem somewhat juvenile for this type of this discussion, but I’m in dire need of help. See, the thing is, nowadays, it’s pretty clear that kids as young as 12 have relationships. Most of the time, they don’t last, it’s obvious, but I have feelings for my second cousin that I’m certain I’ve had for nobody before, nor do I think I can have them for anyone else. She’s beautiful. But that wasn’t the first thing I noticed. We met at an amusement park, when our parents introduced us to each other no less than a year ago. What I noticed first about her was that she seemed bothered. Worried, distressed, and I immediately felt the same way—at least the way that she looked. Now, she lives in the US. I’m US born, but I temporarily live in another country until about 11th grade.
Consider it what you may, a “long distance relationship” or whatever, but this makes me even more distressed. See, this was the day after they’d come from America. They did a lot that day, and maybe, just maybe she was simply exhausted from all the activities they did.
A few days after, they were still here, we met again. She looked the same way through their stay here. She constantly has this look of ponder. This daydreaming sort of physical characteristic. But it doesn’t bother me at all. For all I’m concerned, if something is going with her, I’d stand up for her and protect her from whatever is to happen.
So, as I said it’s only a little less than a year we know each other now. We went to their house in Fl for a few days in December though, I learnt that we’re actually pretty close. Yet, I fear it could be that she only treats me this way because she thinks of me as simply her “cousin” don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about that, it’s just that she might not really feel as a feel for her because of this. I see her as a stranger. A stranger who’s simply disguised as a “second cousin”. This seems to me to be a challenge put in place by fate to exercise my heart in hopes of seeing how strong - willed I really am. Know you must, she’s my only second cousin, who’s my age. Well, frankly she’s my only cousin in general, who is my age. First and second cousins alike.
Cousins are supposed to feel like a distant sibling, there to give advice, moral support, empathy, but she doesn’t only do that. We’ve known each other for a measly 9 months yet, I feel like I can tell her anything. Well, at least almost, everything. I feel as though, if I were to say anything to her about how I feel, our extremely short-lived relationship would come crashing down. Like an ancient stone abode built by hand, but after centuries of love, war, death and well, age. That’s right, I’m comparing a 9-month old relationship with my second cousin to basically any structure in what was the magnificent Pompeii. I’m 14. That’s what I do. Dramatize holy crapoly!.
To extend on that point I made, about her looking somewhat, distraught or maybe distracted by something, god forbid someone, well, my first instinct was to help. I wanted to help her. Hold her. Console her. She always has this look, and I love it. I think I understand now, that it’s most likely the way she acts. It’s an unconscious habit for her. It doesn’t turn me off in the least.
Her entire persona, by the way, hand in hand blends with mine. We’ve texted nearly every second of every day since that last time we met, when I was on Christmas break, at their house in Fl. I didn’t get to hold her, yet every time we say goodbye to each other, she hugs me. SHE hugs ME. I don’t even offer a hug, reason being, if I do, chances are, I’m gonna ask her to marry me. Her hugs feel amazing, yet, totally off-putting. What if it’s because she likes me too? Yay...? Then again, we live like 8,000 miles apart, and when either of us goes away, we go away. For like a couple months. So it’s likely, the hugging could be just a friendly gesture of saying goodbye. Which, without a doubt, sucks.
So we text a lot. We hang out a lot. How do I approach her? ( if I should) See, I’m a afraid she could find a relationship with someone else soon, if I don’t act fast. While she’s single, while she’s young, I want to tell her how I feel. I wish to have my first kiss with her. On sexual terms, maybe even lose our virginities to one another. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Please, help. I need someone to talk to about this.
I wanna at least try to start some kind of romantic relationship with my second cousin. I don't want to waste my life without ever actually trying at least once. I've known her since I was young and we've been attracted to each other since we first met. Something broke in me when I found out we were related. It lead me toward a long path of depression because I knew the chances of us being together were almost nonexistent, and it's only gotten worse with time. She feels the same or at least she's told me so numerous times. The problem is I think she's too scared to try. Maybe misinformed on the matter of cousin relationships and their genetic closeness as well. This is a delicate matter that could lead to either good things or horrible things. I'm having trouble figuring out how to talk to her and make her come around if she can. And if not, well at least I'll know for sure that I was doomed from the start. It will hurt like nothing else ever has but at least I tried.
Don't have the money or insurance for counseling. Like was the last suggestion in my other post. Wish I did though. I'm ready to complain to someone for a change.