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A-nonymouslove89

I'm new to this and I need help...

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I'm fairly new to this forum. I've needed help trying to seek advice on this because its a bit embarrassing to try and talk to peers. 

2015 I was out one night with my sisters and we were sitting talking with a group of guys and I noticed one of their friends. We were exchanging looks so my friend got his number for me. It didn't really go anywhere, but fast forward to 2017 messaged me on Facebook then that's when we began really conversing. He had a legal commitment at the time so we could only see each other on weekends. One weekend during Graduation season for highschool students (We are not in highschool. I had friends Graduating) he came down and we all went out. As we were talking (same group of guys) it came about that a few were related to me, but I had alcohol in my system so it didn't really dawn on me that he could've been as well. The next time I talked with him I brought up that we should find out if there is relation. He got really defensive and asked where I got that info from (even though I had never asked in the first place, I was just speaking in regards to the info I found out at the bar). I told him nowhere and that I just wanted to be sure. We never discussed it again, and began to grow closer, until one day my mother happened to come to my house and he was there. She asked who his people were and he mentioned a last name that my mother immediately recognized but its my Paternal side of the family. She basically let us know that we're related. (My great grandmother and one if his great grandparents were siblings) We are in very close proximity in regards to cities we lived in and i was literally always with my Great grandmother as a child. I adored her, but i just have no recollection of him even though his grandmother is my great grand's niece.

We were never physically involved but I was still so heartbroken. I really don't know what to do. He subliminally posted on Snapchat a few months later that read 

"There is this beautiful red girl I want, but our history won't let us."

My sister said she saw him one night back in June and he asked about me. I saw him last weekend after not seeing or talking to him for months but we went back to the first time ever seeing other. No words, just exchanging looks. 

I'm not sure what to do. I've broken down in tears from this because I have no one to talk to about it. I don't know if we fell in love or just feel a deeper connection because of relation. I am also African American and that's extremely taboo for my race. If anyone has any advice or need more information on our history please message me or reply to this board. I would appreciate any advice right now ❤

Edited by A-nonymouslove89

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I think that makes you 2nd cousins.  If I remember correctly, 2nd cousins are not biologically related.  You would need to find out if you can marry where you live.  If your family and culture are against it, that can be difficult to overcome.  You might want to read more on that topic on this board.  If there is a will, there is a way.

 

 

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Actually our Father's are second cousins to each other, so I believe he and I are third cousins. I live in the states so its not illegal to date or marry, but we don't even talk anymore because everyone made a big deal out of it (laughing about it, reminding me that it's incestuous etc.) when my mother found the information out (she also believes he already knew). I wanna talk to him so badly about how I feel but I'm scared. I've tried getting over him for the past two years. Even dated others but I don't connect with them as I do him. I don't know if they're real feelings or just chemistry from the blood relation. It hurts .. 

Edited by A-nonymouslove89

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I say reach out to him and see what happens. It may work out, maybe not, but you need to let yourself explore this and if it doesn't work out, THEN you can finally move on. If it does, then you can either deal with the famoly fallout or keep it secret. 

My 1st cousin and I are in a relationship together and our family doesn't know. I don't care and nor does he. It's not any of their business. 

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