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I'm new to this and I need help...


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I'm fairly new to this forum. I've needed help trying to seek advice on this because its a bit embarrassing to try and talk to peers. 

2015 I was out one night with my sisters and we were sitting talking with a group of guys and I noticed one of their friends. We were exchanging looks so my friend got his number for me. It didn't really go anywhere, but fast forward to 2017 messaged me on Facebook then that's when we began really conversing. He had a legal commitment at the time so we could only see each other on weekends. One weekend during Graduation season for highschool students (We are not in highschool. I had friends Graduating) he came down and we all went out. As we were talking (same group of guys) it came about that a few were related to me, but I had alcohol in my system so it didn't really dawn on me that he could've been as well. The next time I talked with him I brought up that we should find out if there is relation. He got really defensive and asked where I got that info from (even though I had never asked in the first place, I was just speaking in regards to the info I found out at the bar). I told him nowhere and that I just wanted to be sure. We never discussed it again, and began to grow closer, until one day my mother happened to come to my house and he was there. She asked who his people were and he mentioned a last name that my mother immediately recognized but its my Paternal side of the family. She basically let us know that we're related. (My great grandmother and one if his great grandparents were siblings) We are in very close proximity in regards to cities we lived in and i was literally always with my Great grandmother as a child. I adored her, but i just have no recollection of him even though his grandmother is my great grand's niece.

We were never physically involved but I was still so heartbroken. I really don't know what to do. He subliminally posted on Snapchat a few months later that read 

"There is this beautiful red girl I want, but our history won't let us."

My sister said she saw him one night back in June and he asked about me. I saw him last weekend after not seeing or talking to him for months but we went back to the first time ever seeing other. No words, just exchanging looks. 

I'm not sure what to do. I've broken down in tears from this because I have no one to talk to about it. I don't know if we fell in love or just feel a deeper connection because of relation. I am also African American and that's extremely taboo for my race. If anyone has any advice or need more information on our history please message me or reply to this board. I would appreciate any advice right now ❤

Edited by A-nonymouslove89
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I think that makes you 2nd cousins.  If I remember correctly, 2nd cousins are not biologically related.  You would need to find out if you can marry where you live.  If your family and culture are against it, that can be difficult to overcome.  You might want to read more on that topic on this board.  If there is a will, there is a way.

 

 

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Actually our Father's are second cousins to each other, so I believe he and I are third cousins. I live in the states so its not illegal to date or marry, but we don't even talk anymore because everyone made a big deal out of it (laughing about it, reminding me that it's incestuous etc.) when my mother found the information out (she also believes he already knew). I wanna talk to him so badly about how I feel but I'm scared. I've tried getting over him for the past two years. Even dated others but I don't connect with them as I do him. I don't know if they're real feelings or just chemistry from the blood relation. It hurts .. 

Edited by A-nonymouslove89
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I say reach out to him and see what happens. It may work out, maybe not, but you need to let yourself explore this and if it doesn't work out, THEN you can finally move on. If it does, then you can either deal with the famoly fallout or keep it secret. 

My 1st cousin and I are in a relationship together and our family doesn't know. I don't care and nor does he. It's not any of their business. 

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  • 6 months later...

Hi! I 'm Emily and I’m a Producer at Naked Television. We are working with a Major US Network and looking for people who would be willing to undergo DNA testing in order to solve a lifelong mystery for a brand new docu-series. 

These individuals would be happy to share their story on Television, be over the age of 18 and a US citizen. We are looking for all types of stories that can only be answered by DNA testing. I saw your post on one of the forums here and felt compelled to get in touch. I wondered if you would like to have a chat about who we are looking for and how everything works? Please email us at [email protected] if you are interested.

Thank you,

Emily

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  • 1 month later...

Hi, i know this isn't my post but um i kinda need so help. Ok so heres the story, when i was younger me, my aunty and first cousins used to come over all the time to our house, i was extremely close to them. They were like bestfriends to me. Even when i was only young, i ended up having a little kiddy crush on one of my cousins at first(i wont say their real names for privacy reasons but i'll just call them tyler and bradley). So at first, i had a small seen as "innocent crush" on my crush tyler, which was bradley my other cousins older brother. But sadly something bad happened in the family which i wont get into as its about my aunty and stuff and its not my place to say anything but what happened tore not only my family but also but friendship apart, with the whole family. My feelings for tyler during the years apart, faded but only for a short time.. I didnt see them for a good two years maybe even a bit longer then that. But at lot changed within just a short two years. I grew up alot, i was so much more mature. As when i was younger i was quite annoying and weird. So anyways one day, my mum tells me that she had a talk with my aunty and after two years away from my bestfriends (cousins), i could finally see them. At this point i was happy but extremely nervous bc i hadnt seen them both in a long time. I went from seeing them everyday to not having any contact whatsoever with them. So then a few days later, we arrived that their house. It was so arkward at first for a few days but when we actually talked and bonded... I noticed something different. I'd never liked bradley cousin or not, he just wasnt my type in general. Not that he was bad or anything but i was into those more tougher, rebel type boys, as most teenage girls were haha. And let me tell u something about my cousins, well first off tyler was definitely a rebel/bad boy type and bradley was NOT. he was that typical "nerdy" kinda sweet guy (not that theres anything with that, i am a nerd myself i guess i just dont outwardly look like one). Bradley got picked on for his glasses, got called four eyes which when i was younger i secretly thought was funny, but i didnt like the fact that he was bullied for it. Eventually i found it cute, and sweet haha. Anyways, me and bradley became super close, like SUPER close. We were inseparatable. I started slowly developing very very strong feelings for him. At this time tyler though so freaking HOT!, was kinda jerk.. He was a playboy and always had a new chick. My feelings for tyler became dislike very fast. He was mean to me and rude, i was attracted to bad boys not pricks. He was being a prick, nothing attractive about that. So anyways, i fell so deeply in love for the first time actually ever and with my cousin. But... There was a problem... 1: he had a gf..

2: my family is religeous, never would of accepted it

3: at that time i was only 14

4: he didnt know and i wasnt 100% sure he felt the same way.

I truly thought he did...

But... I told him... And he didnt...

Long story short, i fell for tyler again and he showed me a side of him id never seen before. I didnt wanna fall in love again but i did, and again my heart was broken.

Its been years now... I havent spoken to bradley in years and well tyler and i... He ignores me and he has a girlfriend, whom he said he plans on spending his life with.. Bradley and his girlfriend broke up a long time ago though, so he is currently not in a relastionship. One thing that still puzzles me today is that i remember when he was with her, and me meeting her i realised so was almost my twin... She looked like me, only a but taller and maybe a bit skinner, sounds weird but same type of personality as well... 

Why would he date someone who was basically so much like me?

I even have a recording of him saying he loves me, then when i ask him what he said, he denies it..? 

Now... Even still after all this time... I havent moved on fully from both of them. I am still deeply in love with tyler and as for bradley theres still a part of me that will probably love him forever(he was my first love after all). A piece of my heart no matter who i am with in the future or if i am with no one, a small piece of it  will always belong to them my cousins, especially bradley (i still feel like i fell harder for bradley then i did tyler)

I still have so many questions, yet no answers. I wanna know why would bradley say he loves me then denies it months later, i wanna know why. 

What do u think i should do? I cant get over them, i still think about them constantly...

Pls help me

 

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