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JamieC

Scared of Cousin's Advances

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I realize this might not be the right website to seek advice on, but my situation is complicated and this seems to be a website where everyone is pretty understanding.

So my cousin has been acting differently lately. I used to have a big crush on him when I was younger - I would follow him everywhere and he would give me his food at family dinners. I always thought we would get married when we were older, like how little girls say they want to marry their fathers. Besides my brother, he was the only boy in the family.

He's one year older than me, and as we grew up we didn't see so much of each other anymore, so I didn't even think about him for the longest time. But last year, we had a joint family vacation, and that was when things got weird.

Obviously, I thought he was cute ever since he hit puberty, but my crush had disappeared by then and I never thought we would have anything romantic between us. But during the family vacation, he started getting really touchy and started discussing incest between cousins. He also told me how pretty I was and made suggestive jokes. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I didn't think he meant anything by it so I just let it be.

His family life has never been stable, and neither has mine. His parents are very, very harsh - like throw your kids out on the porch and hit them till they bleed stuff. My parents hit me too, but they never did anything too severe. Mental illness runs in the family, and my dad got the worst of it. He's severely bipolar, so I grew up in a very tension-filled household. 

Because of how harsh our parents treated us, my cousins and I formed a kind of support group. My father has eight siblings, so the group is pretty large. It was formed when I was about 13, so we started meeting each other again around that time. He's made small flirty gestures ever since then, but nothing too bold until recently.

Anyway, this year my cousin flat-out told me he liked me. He hugged me and tried to go in for a kiss, but I pushed him away. I've been avoiding him ever since.

I don't know what to do. I'm only 15, and he's only 16. I'm not ready for a relationship, and I'm definitely not ready for a relationship with my cousin. 

I don't have much experience with boys either. My first kiss was when I played Sleeping Beauty in preschool, and my last was when I accidentally bumped into my mother's colleague's son at a company dinner. I'm flattered that my cousin thinks I'm pretty, but I also don't want that attention. 

My mom wants to go on another joint family vacation this year. I really, really don't want to because that means I'll have to see him again. It's not optional though, which means I have to interact with my cousin after turning him down. Please tell me what to do?

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Before telling you what to do, lemme just say that I am sooo impressed with how articulate you are in expressing yourself here. Lol.

Are you sure you are 15!? Lol. 15 year olds these days, not sounding super stereotypical okay, but they type "text-speak" and they talk "slang". Your post, however, is.... well.. lets just say, it's the one expected at your age.

Now on to the point:

1. You don't have to do anything. Lol. Just reject him whenever he makes his advances and/or use the LJBF card ("let's just be friends").

Guys job is to approach you or not...while girls job is to accept or reject. So keep doing what you are doing. ?

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I am confused by your post.  Do you like him or not? You talk about puberty as if it were far in the past, but you are probably both still in the midst of it.

If you like him, be discreet but don't rush things.  If you don't like him romantically, then gently let him know.

I am much more concerned about the abusive home situation you are in.  You can do something about that, you know? Talk to a teacher, school counselor, principal. clergy, police officer.... talk to someone to get it stopped.  You don't have to live like that my dear!

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