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clumsilycopious256

2nd Cousin Rejected Me (Religion)

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I am a Christian. Years back, I was attending a bible study and was taught about how cousins were allowed to marry in the bible. Leviticus 18 specifically showed who you could not marry, and while this included much of your kin, it did not include cousins! I found this very surprising, for when I was a Catholic, I was taught that marriage between cousins was prohibited.

Furthermore, I was also taught about the legality of cousin marriages in the U.S. Many states ban the marriage of first cousins, but second cousin marriages are allowed in all the states (and I believe in much of the world today).

Fast forward to the present. I meet a second cousin of mine that I have never met before. She's beautiful, spunky and has a charming attitude. We began to show interest towards each other and had excellent chemistry.

Unfortunately, when we went out once, her demeanor and language changed, with her basically rejecting me outright.

As her entire family are Catholics, I believe that they were the ones responsible for influencing her to turn away from me.

At one point, I am hurt and feel that I should cut all ties with them, but on the other hand, I feel that if she knew about the bible and laws in the U.S., she might have a change of heart.

What are your thoughts on this? Any inputs would be appreciated!

 

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1 hour ago, clumsilycopious256 said:

I am a Christian. Years back, I was attending a bible study and was taught about how cousins were allowed to marry in the bible. Leviticus 18 specifically showed who you could not marry, and while this included much of your kin, it did not include cousins! I found this very surprising, for when I was a Catholic, I was taught that marriage between cousins was prohibited.

Hi there. Welcome to the forum

Your info are absolutely correct. The Bible does not prohibit cousin marriages. As a matter of fact, it even encourages it! You know the story of Joshua and Caleb? Well, I particularly liked Caleb. Because he let his nephew marry his daughter. A little not-so-famous example comes to mind.

Jdg 1:12-13 CEV
(12)  Caleb told his troops, "The man who captures Kiriath-Sepher can marry my daughter Achsah."
(13)  Caleb's nephew Othniel captured Kiriath-Sepher, so Caleb let him marry Achsah. Othniel was the son of Caleb's younger brother Kenaz.

But then there are countless of examples! From Jacob's situation and Laban and Rachel (my favorite!) and even in the New Testament. The Bible is rich with these facts. 

However, it is not really the Bible that is in question,.. you see.

In my experience, I have been raised in a Christian country (Philippines). It is 85% catholic. Yet the family code of the Philippines prohibit first cousin marriages. And the misinformation abounds to the point of despair...

Well.. What I can say to you, my friend, is that it is not religion that is the problem.. The problem is cultural. 

1 hour ago, clumsilycopious256 said:

Unfortunately, when we went out once, her demeanor and language changed, with her basically rejecting me outright.

As her entire family are Catholics, I believe that they were the ones responsible for influencing her to turn away from me.

 Your hunch is correct. I believe that it is her family that kinda put a wall between the two of you. And believe me, that is a super high wall to cross...

Now is she worth it?!? I tell you dude, that is the question of all questions. Is the trouble, heartaches, difficulties, family baggages and even clan-judgment worth it for this girl?? Only you can say that. It is on you because you are the guy.

1 hour ago, clumsilycopious256 said:

but on the other hand, I feel that if she knew about the bible and laws in the U.S

Haha!

Dude, now hear this statement: I tell you that EVEN IF POPE FRANCIS declares that cousin marriages are okay, believe me that they are still going to be against the (possible) relationship of you two. How does that sound, my friend?? (Super ouch, right?)

Now again I ask you, IS THAT GIRL WORTH IT? And I am telling you even assuming that she is already "a ten" (which probably she isn't by an objective spectator), a "Miss California sexy super model" beauty and a summa cumlaude brains with the faithfulness of Madam Theresa. lol. (Real talk!).

(But of course, she is a ten in your eyes I know that.. Both of us are guys, so I know what you are feelin.. ;) )

But my point is this: Take your time to think... Give it 1 month.. 3 months.. sleep over it.. sleep over that question many times.. Give it 6 months.. Heck, make it even a year.. You may want to consider bailing your heart out NOW rather than you go deep into this mess...especially if you are planning to have long term relationship with her.. You don't want to hurt yourself nor her nor her family nor your family.. Know what I am saying??

That's my 100% brutal honesty two-cents.

Pooch

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Listen to my friend Pooch! Sometimes he is 110% correct. 

I have 6 years of religious studies under my belt. I also married and will soon be divorced to my cousin. So, I have a perspective you may find interesting. The cousin aspect is one thing but how she through you under the bus is quite another.

My thing, at this point in my life. is that if a lady does something like that to me, she is as good as dead. I'm sure as hell not going to peruse her. Doesn't the Bible say, "Don't be stupid! And never be a creep." Oh, those are my words, sorry.

How people treat you initially is a foreshadowing. Find a real woman who goes after what she wants. You do not want this girl. You only think you do. Maybe you just want something that you can't have? Or maybe you were smitten. Oh well. We are not 14 again; you gotta move on my would-be kissing cousin friend.

All the best to you!

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Thank you all for your advice - I appreciate it!

I believe it's time to, unfortunately, separate from her. Her parents, siblings, and other relatives have all pretty much gone against me. The cousin has even added some lies to make me look very bad in their eyes.

This has been a pretty horrid experience, but also, an enlightening one. It has shown me what kind of people they all are (especially my cousin).

I will cut all relations and ties with them, but from how they have treated me from this, I will never help them out with anything again. From this whole experience, they can now consider me more of an enemy from now on.

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6 hours ago, clumsilycopious256 said:

Thank you all for your advice - I appreciate it!

I believe it's time to, unfortunately, separate from her. Her parents, siblings, and other relatives have all pretty much gone against me. The cousin has even added some lies to make me look very bad in their eyes.

This has been a pretty horrid experience, but also, an enlightening one. It has shown me what kind of people they all are (especially my cousin).

I will cut all relations and ties with them, but from how they have treated me from this, I will never help them out with anything again. From this whole experience, they can now consider me more of an enemy from now on.

Cool.

How they treat you is a foreshadowing if your would-be life with them. And if she herself is not supportive of you and your life with her, then the hell with it man! You gotta move on. Thanks as well for listening to us. Move on and never look back. 😊

 

Pooch

 

PS. Oh! And I meaan..  it's not like she's a Jessica Alba or something, eh? Know what Im sayin'? Hahahaha

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