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I'm brand new to this site. I'm just so glad it's here because I don't know about you guys, but I felt like there was something wrong with me being attracted to and falling in love with my cousin. He expressed his love for me when I was 17.  Then I freaked and ran. After I divorced, he did the "full court press" to win my heart, telling me he's been waiting for me for 35 years.  I cannot let my family know because I refuse to cause them any embarrassment or pain. So we have agreed to keep our feelings to ourselves.  Its extremely difficult, but I feel it's the only way. I love him so much, but in order to honor them and afford them the peace they deserve, mum's the word.  Anyone else living this way and looks like they will be for the near, and maybe not so near, future?  Any advice? ❤

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I think that is fine and dandy to keep it from your mom. It's your life, InSearch4Truth. It kinda seems clear to me that you do not have the same feelings that he espouses for your. Don't feel guilty about that. You don't owe your cousin anything. 

Having been married and now nearing-divorce, I wish I hadn't put my family through it. Hindsight affects me like that. Without it, I would do the same darn thing all over again, because, like I said to you, it's my life. One thing I have learned is that the people who end up  not supporting you are the same people who did not like you in the first place, nor would they ever like you lest you won Lotto. Cheap prostitutes! Who wants then anyway? Momma and daddy will always love their little girl. 

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Thanks KC. I'm sorry your marriage to your cousin didn't work out. Maybe he's loved me longer than I have him, at least in this way, but now that I've gotten to really know him as an adult, he's definitely won my heart. I just wish cousins could divorce as cousins, not in the way you're experiencing.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?  Anyway, I've done research into this site for a while now, and even though you're going through a difficult time nearing divorce, please know you've helped many by launching this site.  I dont feel like I'm doing something immoral anymore, having reviewed all the research provided on this site as well as biblically, and I hope you know how much that means to me and, I'm sure, so many others. Thank you!!

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You will tire of the secrecy.  Get it out in the open to your family if the two of you are serious about trying to make this work.  There is a pinned article about talking to your family about your cousin relationship; read it and modify it for your own needs.

 

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On 10/9/2019 at 2:36 PM, Serendipity said:

You will tire of the secrecy.  Get it out in the open to your family if the two of you are serious about trying to make this work.  There is a pinned article about talking to your family about your cousin relationship; read it and modify it for your own needs.

 

 

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On 10/6/2019 at 12:52 AM, InSearch4Truth said:

I'm brand new to this site. I'm just so glad it's here because I don't know about you guys, but I felt like there was something wrong with me being attracted to and falling in love with my cousin. He expressed his love for me when I was 17.  Then I freaked and ran. After I divorced, he did the "full court press" to win my heart, telling me he's been waiting for me for 35 years.  I cannot let my family know because I refuse to cause them any embarrassment or pain. So we have agreed to keep our feelings to ourselves.  Its extremely difficult, but I feel it's the only way. I love him so much, but in order to honor them and afford them the peace they deserve, mum's the word.  Anyone else living this way and looks like they will be for the near, and maybe not so near, future?  Any advice? ❤

Oh yes. I can relate.

As kids my cousin and I would kiss and "hump". Over the years since the death of my uncle (his dad) and his mom. We grew apart, although speaking and writing here and there. Just to give you a time frame... we are now in our 40s. Over the last 2yrs, for me that childhood attraction has resurfaced (keep in mind I have been married for 2yrs now 3kids). We had been texting back and forth, testing our memories. Turns out he was just as nervous as I in bringing up what we did in the past and how we still feel now. Just last week, we discussed it (well after he kissed me and I didn't pull away) and even more recently we gave into our passion. For me, I'm at a place that I'm telling myself....no! You're married,  he's your 1st cousin, this can't be...you're disappointing God. We haven't spoken about what happened yet but all I can say, is when I'm around  him, the attraction I feel towards him is so strong....I've NEVER felt this attraction towards anyone like this before. I've gotta say,  I'm grateful to have found this forum. I need to confess/vent and share with no judgement.

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I am so frustrated that this Stigma of falling in love with a first cousin, makes it so we can’t just fall in love and be happy. 

There has got to be a way for us to be happy and not have this over our heads. 

 

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Gthings:  You are married? You ARE disappointing God.  Either get thee divorced or get thee away from your cousin.  

We have no judgement for cousin love; we do for screwing around on your husband.

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20 minutes ago, Serendipity said:

Gthings:  You are married? You ARE disappointing God.  Either get thee divorced or get thee away from your cousin.  

We have no judgement for cousin love; we do for screwing around on your husband.

Agreed. God may allow cousin marriages, but he does not allow adultery.

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1 hour ago, Serendipity said:

Gthings:  You are married? You ARE disappointing God.  Either get thee divorced or get thee away from your cousin.  

We have no judgement for cousin love; we do for screwing around on your husband.

Well well well. I can't say adultery is ever tenable on hardly any level. But there is certainly a right and wrong way to say things and to communicate. Are you sure she needs the shock treatment, Serendipity?

FWI- I would like to see her back with her husband as well. Actually the "shock treatment" is probably the best way to go here. Yo! Keep that thang zipped tight until you get a proper separation / divorce.  Why do women sabatash their marriages? And how do  to you resist his irresistible charm? Pretend you are a lady and stay the hell away from him. (Yeah, right?) Not only does adultery disappoint God, it causes people to go to an eternal pit of fire unless they repent. 

I'm not here to judge, on the last day there will be lots of mercy and grace, but also judgement. It only looks like people are getting by with all of the evils that we see and hear about. I want to see you in heaven. All the best to you my friend. Pray!

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All, I appreciate your thoughts and comments. You're not wrong at all. I have already decided to not go there with my cousin. My relationship with God trumps and I am work in my daily on getting back on track. I was weak and put myself in a position I should've. 

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Gthings, BOOM! You are exactly right. And who says it would work out with your cousin anyway? I hope your marriage survives and I hope you thrive. 

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Serendipity, I see. I believe in the shock treatment sometimes. Knowing when to use it is the trick. 

I remember seeing a counselor suggested by a judge (made me an offer I couldn't refuse). This counselor hit the roof! Red-faced crazy yet somewhat aloof and professional.

"YOU SIR ARE IN THE TOP ONE PERCENT OF DRINKERS WORLDWIDE!" ... "HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE?"

Oh boy! I was so mad I can't remember if I cursed him our or not, but I probably did. The F-Bomb! 

This was a huge turning point in my life and the guy may very well have saved my life. He had a way of driving a point across. Let's just say!

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On 10/17/2019 at 9:06 AM, Gthings said:

Oh yes. I can relate.

As kids my cousin and I would kiss and "hump". Over the years since the death of my uncle (his dad) and his mom. We grew apart, although speaking and writing here and there. Just to give you a time frame... we are now in our 40s. Over the last 2yrs, for me that childhood attraction has resurfaced (keep in mind I have been married for 2yrs now 3kids). We had been texting back and forth, testing our memories. Turns out he was just as nervous as I in bringing up what we did in the past and how we still feel now. Just last week, we discussed it (well after he kissed me and I didn't pull away) and even more recently we gave into our passion. For me, I'm at a place that I'm telling myself....no! You're married,  he's your 1st cousin, this can't be...you're disappointing God. We haven't spoken about what happened yet but all I can say, is when I'm around  him, the attraction I feel towards him is so strong....I've NEVER felt this attraction towards anyone like this before. I've gotta say,  I'm grateful to have found this forum. I need to confess/vent and share with no judgement.

I feel for your predicament.  I know from God's word, at least the first cousin deal isn't contrary to Scripture. The whole being married thing, of course, is different, but He's a forgiving God and you can turn that around.  We all sin but continuing in it is the problem.  My kids are grown. My cousin and I spent decades not talking about it. Didn't make it go away, though. I sure wish you the best. 

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