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AlisonK

Electric but static connection

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I met a somewhat distant cousin as an adult and we felt an attraction. He wanted something non committed and I didn’t. We kissed once and then decided we shouldn’t do anymore. He’s kept in touch over time (a couple of years) but it always confuses me because I know he’s also attracted to me. He can fool himself into thinking he’s just my “friend” but if he doesn’t want more then it’s kind of cruel to keep in touch. Wouldn’t you think? 

I’d be more understanding if he didn’t try to be intimate without a commitment but he knows I like him and would like more if we were to get physical. I know he’d like to be physical if I didn’t want more. He’s a likable person so it’s hard to stay mad at him in general. 

I don’t like demonizing because it doesn’t help me feel any peace. 

I just find myself thinking about him a lot and sometimes find myself trying to understand the ability to like someone (I’d say even have feelings for them) but still act like it’s naive to think more is possible despite being cousins. 

Being lovers is a concept as old as time but I just find myself grappling to understand it when you’re both single and the only thing in the way is a title that really has no practical meaning between you.

We are not lovers by the way. We would be though if I would have let it happen. 

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