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PurpleFlower

Is it my imagination, or does he love me too?

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Hi, I’m new to the forum and am a little nervous, but excited about the possible future. 

So the deal is, I have a crush on my 1st cousin. Nothing has been directly said, but I think he feels the same way I do. Here’s a little history:
I’m 38, single, never married, no kids. He’s 40, divorced for 10 years, has a 20-year-old son from his previous marriage. We're both happy in our careers and are financially secure.

We spent a lot of time together as kids, along with our siblings. As adults, we were distant after I went to college and he went into the army. He ended up overseas for some time and we’d see each other every few years at Christmas or major family events. 

Now I’m out of college, he’s out of the army and divorced, we’re even closer than we were as kids. We keep in touch on social media, talk regularly on the phone, video chat, text, etc. 

In April, I flew to the town he lives in to attend a concert and hang out with him. He offered for me to stay at his house, I declined and got a hotel but we went to the concert together, out to dinner, had drinks, did some sight-seeing, etc. 

In November, our grandfather took us on a family vacation and the way I looked at him changed, big time.

I saw him in a way I hadn’t before. The way he looked after our aging grandmother and our aunts was endearing. 

We stayed in an Airbnb so we spent a lot of time together shopping, cooking, doing dishes, playing in the pool, navigating traffic in a strange city, then playing family board games into the wee hours of the morning. Our compatibility and chemistry were truly highlighted. 

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually attracted to him and was surprised at how sad I was to leave him at the end of the week. 

Since the day we left, he texts me every day. I called him the other night and he answered the phone singing a song we have an inside joke about.  We immediately started laughing like little kids. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was just sitting there and didn’t know what to do with myself. 

He said he didn’t know what to do with himself either and that everything is different since the trip. 

I agreed and said "Yeah, everything is different, no one understands when I explain how the trip was. It was surreal..."
 
He said “Yeah, there were things that couldn’t be captured in pictures, it was energy, a feeling. It’s like nothing mattered before the trip and nothing matters after.” 

At that point, I wondered if we were still talking about the vacation or about our feelings. 
We spent the next 2.5 hours going over every detail of the trip, laughing 'til our stomachs hurt. 

Then he mentioned he was coming to my state on business in January and wants to come to my city. 

I was like “YES!” and immediately launched into all the things we could do while he was here.

I haven’t offered him to stay at my house yet, but I want him to instead of getting a hotel or staying with other family. I figured I’d offer once he gets his ticket. 
I went to bed with the biggest goofy grin that night and I can’t wait for him to come. I’m embarrassed to admit that I started planning outfits and even buying lingerie in his favorite color.  

This morning I texted him and said:

"I miss you! ? Have a good day!"

He replied "I miss you too.  Was thinking about you."

I said "What were you thinking?"

He said "I was thinking about how much love and light you shine, how much peace, joy and healing you bring to everyone around you.  You're incredible. I've just grown to a deeper level of love and appreciation for you."

I responded: "I feel the same way.  It's like all of your best qualities have been highlighted all of the sudden.  I love, respect and admire you more than ever now."  

He responded "Love you!"

That's where the texts ended.  

I was beginning to feel guilty, which lead me to google if my feelings were wrong. Thankfully, I found this forum.

I know he’s attracted to me because he's told me before, but does he want to be romantic with me?  I don't know.  

Are we flirting? 

Do typical dating rules apply here?  Should I just wait to see how things play out in January?   

Sorry for all the questions...  and thank you in advance for your feedback.

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On 11/20/2019 at 10:02 PM, PurpleFlower said:

Hi, I’m new to the forum and am a little nervous, but excited about the possible future. 

So the deal is, I have a crush on my 1st cousin. Nothing has been directly said, but I think he feels the same way I do. Here’s a little history:
I’m 38, single, never married, no kids. He’s 40, divorced for 10 years, has a 20-year-old son from his previous marriage. We're both happy in our careers and are financially secure.

We spent a lot of time together as kids, along with our siblings. As adults, we were distant after I went to college and he went into the army. He ended up overseas for some time and we’d see each other every few years at Christmas or major family events. 

Now I’m out of college, he’s out of the army and divorced, we’re even closer than we were as kids. We keep in touch on social media, talk regularly on the phone, video chat, text, etc. 

In April, I flew to the town he lives in to attend a concert and hang out with him. He offered for me to stay at his house, I declined and got a hotel but we went to the concert together, out to dinner, had drinks, did some sight-seeing, etc. 

In November, our grandfather took us on a family vacation and the way I looked at him changed, big time.

I saw him in a way I hadn’t before. The way he looked after our aging grandmother and our aunts was endearing. 

We stayed in an Airbnb so we spent a lot of time together shopping, cooking, doing dishes, playing in the pool, navigating traffic in a strange city, then playing family board games into the wee hours of the morning. Our compatibility and chemistry were truly highlighted. 

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually attracted to him and was surprised at how sad I was to leave him at the end of the week. 

Since the day we left, he texts me every day. I called him the other night and he answered the phone singing a song we have an inside joke about.  We immediately started laughing like little kids. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was just sitting there and didn’t know what to do with myself. 

He said he didn’t know what to do with himself either and that everything is different since the trip. 

I agreed and said "Yeah, everything is different, no one understands when I explain how the trip was. It was surreal..."
 
He said “Yeah, there were things that couldn’t be captured in pictures, it was energy, a feeling. It’s like nothing mattered before the trip and nothing matters after.” 

At that point, I wondered if we were still talking about the vacation or about our feelings. 
We spent the next 2.5 hours going over every detail of the trip, laughing 'til our stomachs hurt. 

Then he mentioned he was coming to my state on business in January and wants to come to my city. 

I was like “YES!” and immediately launched into all the things we could do while he was here.

I haven’t offered him to stay at my house yet, but I want him to instead of getting a hotel or staying with other family. I figured I’d offer once he gets his ticket. 
I went to bed with the biggest goofy grin that night and I can’t wait for him to come. I’m embarrassed to admit that I started planning outfits and even buying lingerie in his favorite color.  

This morning I texted him and said:

"I miss you! ? Have a good day!"

He replied "I miss you too.  Was thinking about you."

I said "What were you thinking?"

He said "I was thinking about how much love and light you shine, how much peace, joy and healing you bring to everyone around you.  You're incredible. I've just grown to a deeper level of love and appreciation for you."

I responded: "I feel the same way.  It's like all of your best qualities have been highlighted all of the sudden.  I love, respect and admire you more than ever now."  

He responded "Love you!"

That's where the texts ended.  

I was beginning to feel guilty, which lead me to google if my feelings were wrong. Thankfully, I found this forum.

I know he’s attracted to me because he's told me before, but does he want to be romantic with me?  I don't know.  

Are we flirting? 

Do typical dating rules apply here?  Should I just wait to see how things play out in January?   

Sorry for all the questions...  and thank you in advance for your feedback.

Maybe and maybe not. Don't let your emotions trick you. 

Until now, I was in a dilemma that my cousin loved me. For the first time I shared my feelings with a closed family member and it helped me clear out many misconceptions I had in my mind. 

1. I thought my cousin loved me since he visits this website and the way we interact - No he does not, he is in love with someone else even though he gave me mixed signals.

2. I thought he respects me - wrong, he always make fun of me and even called me worthless due to a failed career.

3. Just because they like talking to you, it makes them feel good, please don't get your Hope's too high. 

4. If anything goes wrong, please don't blame your situation or circumstances because people who truly respect you and honour your relationship they will always be with you through thick or thin.

Today I shared my feelings and I was open about them to a family member and the things that she revealed about how he makes fun of me and how he respects his current gf, that made many things clear. 

If he ever really loved me, he would not have left me in the first place and second knowing how much I struggled and still struggling to get my life together, he wouldn't have made fun of me. My relatives disrespect me and people who call me names is all coz of him. If he disrespects me so much and thinks so bad about me and make fun of me, then other people will definitely follow his lead.

 

All I learned from this 15 years of experience is that love is not what he did or any other person did. Just have patience and their actions will show u whether they love you or they just used you.

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It is sad but true, sometimes we end up loving the wrong person.

I never in my life had imagined that his intentions towards me were so wrong, for 15 years I kept lying to myself that he loved me. 

 

I was broken already due to past relationship, but now I question the whole "love" thing lol. Never thought that he would back stab me or play dirty mind games with me, well he did. 

I hope he is happy after causing so much damage.

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