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I'll begin by saying English is not my native tongue and I apologize for mistakes and errors in advance. 

So. What to say?

I'm a female lurker since at least a year. I've read most posts on this site at least once. Questioned my sanity, asked myself if this is really a good idea, tried to talk myself on to another path but no. I'm in love with my cousin. And he wants me too!

So that's a good thing in a complicated situation. We're both single adults with mostly grown children. We sort of are in a relationship. But it's all hush hush. For now. 

That's my tiny little introduction, just wanted to say hello. 🙂

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5 hours ago MarcosUve sa:

Perhaps its just platonic love. Similar to its original meaning, a platonic love, like a romantic love, can be as deep and intense, and create a powerful attachment between people.

Maybe. Does that love that you speak of, include physical attraction as well? If so, what's the difference? I really don't know the original meaning of platonic but in my world, there ain't no sex in that. 

Xo

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi everyone,

I recently found this forum and new here, so not much aware of how this works. But really need an answer to my question "Does he feel the same".  I know this is a really long post but I have to state all these facts, all of them are important.

I am 25 and he is 28, lets name him Zack. We both are from India but I moved to US last year. Our families have been close and so I know he is really sweet guy. During childhood we used to meet every vacations at out grandparent's place.Many of our family members wants us to get married but I don't know about his parents and mine. My parents like him as a person and his parents like me back too. I had feelings for him since my 7th grade and I kept on feeling time to time that he has feelings too(i will mention why). His parents used to tease us with each others name during childhood. But as we grew up they stopped.  He is handsome and fair and since I am more of wheatish(dark), I used to feel that he might not be interested. In my 9th grade, a guy proposed me and we got into a relationship. we were together for 11 years but it didn't work out and so we are not together any more(my feelings for my cousin has nothing to do with this). But through all these 11 years whenever I used to meet Zack, I used to get those feelings. My entire family was not happy with my relationship with other guy, but I don't know how long they knew that I was still in the relation.  Since my family didn't like it, me visiting them decreased a lot and so my meeting with Zack. Now let me talk about his signs of liking me:

During our childhood, we were a group of 4 cousins playing together and he used to care for me and protect me from other two cousins who used to be jealous of me.

He lived in a bigger city than mine but he once mentioned that he wished to move to my city for his college, although that didn't happen.

This happened in 2010. He mentioned to me that his friends girlfriends visit them at their college to watch them play basketball and that he wanted me to come with him. Later, He clicked few pictures of me and those days I didn't like taking pictures so I asked him to delete and the conversation went on where I asked him what would he do with those pictures and he said he would tell his friends that I am his girl friend.

He keeps touching me lots of times, pulls my cheeks playfully.  We along with our family had few trips together, where I used to find out that he clicks more pictures of mine even unknowingly.  He comments on my dresses and my hairs and my hairstyles and he notices them carefully while other cousins don't. Even after so many years, he still calls me with my childhood name sometimes while no one else does. Everyone probably forgot that name. but he still does.

He gave me his phone's password although he had some stuff, he wouldn't share with people. He also gave me his email passwords since were working on something. 

I always tried to have chats with him over whatsapp and sometimes he used to talk really great but other times it felt to me that he was uninterested to even talk to me. Once when I was about to complete my college, he texted me and out of nowhere asked me what are my plans next, and when i mentioned about a city where i might move, he said he also likes the city and thinking of moving there. That didnt work out too, since I did not move.

Earlier I was in this city for college where he also lived,  but I transferred to my parents place since I was homesick. Me and Zack were having discussion about this later and I told him that one of my friend from that city said if you don't like hostel we can find a flat for us but don't leave the college since it is a nice college. I also mentioned that if we did that, since this friend of mine had a boyfriend , he would come over to our flat. And Zack said, you should have lived here, I would have have come to your flat too(Seemed like since her boyfriend came, I would be yours).

In 2017, while me him and one more cousin of mine were travelling together in a bus, we had really great fun, since the other cousin of mine doesn't get much involved, it was mostly 2 of us. Later, he said he would take a nap and he was sitting next to me, within 5 minutes it seemed like he is asleep and he was trying to have his neck in place over and over again because there were jerks due to bad roads(the way he was doing that didn't seem like he was really asleep) and later he leaned his head on my shoulder.

Once he mentioned to me that we(him, me and his friend) can have a trip to some place where he can get a camp for cheaper rates. He said we get 2 tents, 1 for his friend and one for we two together. That did not work out either because I did not get that opportunity.

In 2018, When I was to leave for US, he came over to this place where I had my flight from. He travelled 600kms for that. Earlier all his family was planning, but although his family cancelled the plans, he came. He took an off from his work to visit me. We had really great time together.

When I decided to come to US, I was trying to convince him too and he wasn't serious earlier, but when everything was fixed for me to travel to US, he asked me to find opportunities for him too. During those discussions he also mentioned that we would live together and that he would bear my expenses. He is still trying to come over to US.

When I reached US, he used to chat with me lot of time even when he was at work. Once he mentioned that his colleagues think he has got a girlfriend and so he has got so busy on his phone.

Lately, I had something bad happened to me and I texted him. Since he did not see those messages immediately and later I went to sleep, we could not talk, but when I woke up I saw his messages which gave me an impression that he figured out that something is wrong. Then he called me over and we talked for 2 hours.

Zack is funny and so I cannot really figure out if he is serious when he says something. He is also a nice person which doent make me clear if he nice to me only or this is how he is with everyone. Although our family wants us to be together, he still doesnt stay away from me, which makes me feel that he might me interested.

Signs that seem he doesnt feel the same way:

Zack got to know about my boyfriend but he never really talked to me about my relationship. I used to ask him if he has girlfriend, a lot of times he used to ignore the topics, sometimes making fun, sometimes not replying and only few times asked me if I had one too and when I said no, he never really talked about it.

Since my boyfriend knew that our family wants me and Zack to be together, he used to be jealous of Zack. Once he tricked me and got access to my whatsapp through whatsapp web and kept a watch on my conversations and later when I was talking to Zack,my bf sent me a screenshot of it  and mentioned that Zack is trying to do this to keep a watch on my life. He did that so that I get an impression that Zack is intriguing my privacy. My bf then mentioned that he got to know this because Zack and my bf has a friend in common(lets say Sam). I believed this story earlier and wanted to know that is Zack really interested in me, so I once mentioned to Zack that Sam is trying to talk to me and mentioned that he got my phone number from your phone. I wanted to see how Zack reacts and he just asked me the phone number. I ignored it and Zack never talked to me about it later. I think if Zack cared he would have done something.

One of the trips that we had together,  I was trying to sit close to him but I felt like he was trying to stay away although he gave me his phone password on the same trip and also got lot of pictures with me.

These days I try to talk to him a lot, but he never initiates a conversation, never calls me. If we chat that's only through whatsapp.

As I mentioned about something bad happened to me, but after that phone call , he never asked me if I was OK. On that call, I opened up a lot and mentioned to him that I was seeing a counselor. My breakup with bf is one reason of seeing the counselor but Zack doesn't know that. I just said that there is one more reason which I will tell you later. He never asked me about that reason anytime later. I want to tell him about my bf but I do not get comfortable because he doesn't initiate conversation neither asks me ever if I am OK. On this phone call he was cheering me up and told me that he mentions about my achievements to his friends. But he addressed me as sister while telling that to his friends(I don't know if that is true or he was pretending that he did that in front of me).

I asked if he has girlfriend but he always says no. Although I am not sure, I got some clue that he had one.(I don't know if this is a good sign or bad. Bad because he doesn't want to let this know to anyone of the family and good because he doesn't want to let me know because he wants me). He also did not tell me that he smokes or smoked although I figured that out. He earlier did not mention openly that he had alcohol although I knew he did.

I told him that my mom wants to find a bachelor for me to get married but he did not seem upset or sad and looked fine with that.

When I visit his parent's place and he is there too, I don't feel like he wants to be close to me always. Like never leave the room that I am in or something like that. But I also get 2nd thoughts that since he is so nice and responsible person, he has to help his parents and do things for them and so he doesn't always stick around.

 

 

In short he doesn't seem desperate to talk to me or something like normal signs of love are. These signs of he not liking me make me think sometimes that he does that because he wants to hide those feelings. Sometimes I feel like since he does not earn as much as I do, may be he feels that I would reject him. I cannot tell him how I feel because our family is really close and if he does not feel the same way it would be really awkward. I also feel that he has the same reason of not telling this to me.  I really don't know what to do with all this stuff. I would be really happy with him because he is a nice guy. Any suggestions or comments are welcome.

 

 

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