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I released my deepes secret today.

I confessed my love to the only person with whom I have been able to be happy with my first cousin.

Our story is long, and so has been my denial.

I am 4 years older than her and currently in my early thirties with no kids and only failed relationships.

I am a businessman and always traveling specially abroad, our story started when she was 18... when she moved on her own to college I went to visit her, we had a good time and I did purchase some alcohol for her roomates and herself. We all had a good time, I was going to sleep on the couch and she invited me to her room as I did not fit in the couch at all... we were drunk we joked and we did have sex, I perfectly remember that night.

I was not expecting for that to happen as neither of us acted in flirty ways and neither of us objected it when it happened. I stayed 2 more nights with her and we ended fighting the last day. I tried to talk about the subject but she denied to it..... We got in a bigger fight and stopped talking for maybe a year or so....

Things cooled down and we were able to retake our relationship but she avoided at all costs to talk about that night and pretended like nothing happened and we returned to being best friends....

 

My life took me to start a business and was kept busy for long periods of time...  I would always talk to her ask her for advice and so did she... I think we both blocked our feelings and at moments I did feel everything I felt for her was lust since it is not accepted by society. Our friendship only grew, she knows all my secrets I know all of hers.... she started a relationship which lasted 6 years or so... she never introduced me to her BF even though I asked her to... everyone else in the family did....

Every time she had problems in her relationship she would come visit me, we would travel together we visited many places and everyone thought of us as a couple as everyone saw us very happy together... nothing happen until one day we were at a beach town in the caribbean.... we had some drinks we got back she kissed me told me she loved me then immediately regretted it turned to the side and fell asleep or pretended to.... this moved my world as my desire for her just ignited 100x....

To this point she had rejected to talk the situation and next day told me she didnt remember a thing, she was too drunk....

this was about 3 years ago... I think she loves me as I do...But I am not certain and I definately know we both fear what people will say... I believe she lives in a denial mode with me... We both are very close to our families and it is very tough to face her parents her siblings and mine both.

 

Today I grew the balls and told her how deeply in love I am with her, I honestly wanted her to be happy in her relationship but I never saw that in her... I was always her escape goat and when she escaped she would be the happiest person in the world....I could sense it....

I confessed my love to herm I told her I will be willing to face the world if she feels the same for me...

I am going crazy not knowing what she feels and I need advice from women who have been in the same spot as her..... deep inside I feel she loves me as much as I love her and she is suffering and with reason very scared..... she told me she needs minutes, hours or many days... I came out fully clean.

 

I told her we needed to talk about the night we had sex, about her ifeelings, and about mine... I told her I love her and that I will face anything that makes her happy even if that includes me leaving her life for good.... This is really tough!

I wish with all my heart to not love her the way I do, I believe that is the reason I havent been able to have a succesful relationship with other women and I have tried I rally have.... I tried to fool myself unconsciously for years regarding my feelings for her and now I fully understand that it is true love what I feel and not lust.

 

I sent her a good night message and she didnt even open my text... I do know she needs time to process everything I told her....

 

thanks for reading!

 

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Any advice... her reply was very vague... I think she is in denial...

 

She did not affirm or deny any feelings she said I might need a few mins hours or days....

 

Then asked me a random question the next day....

 

We have given like 4 messages after my message...

 

Please any woman in here that had gone through something similar?

How hard is it to accept this feelings when you know that you might lose your immediate family siblings parents for an indefinite time or forever... how big is this fear?

 

Thanks

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Its very hard to accept your feelings. We are told our whole lives its wrong. Its kinda life changing. Ive lived in fear and anxiety of people finding out and it destroying our lives. What was her random message? Has she responded to your message at all? 

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Its been four days and yesterday she did not even open my conversation when I asked how she was doing and how was work.

When we are together she keeps recording ourselves and taking pictures she is happy and I love that...

 

Basically she replied right away that she needed some minutes hours or days....

Sent her a good night text which she didnt reply to....

next day she sent me a message telling me,...“ hope you are doing good.... can you do export invoices for your products?”

It was a very random question, as she knew the answer... I replied asap and asked how she was doing which she didnt reply... this was the day after I did my confession to her...

 

Second day after, I told her I got tested for covid and was waiting for my results she said hopefully everything will be good let me know... asked how she was doing she was very blunt and said I am doing ok...

 

And last night was when i asked her how work was but she didnt reply neither opened our conversation for whatsapp... She is avoiding to open my conversation...

 

I really hope she is not suffering but I think she is she has never been able to talk about what happened between us and I do feel that she has a very big fear of everything that might happen... I did too.. its not easy and I did try to hide my feelings even from myself for a very long time... Even if we are not able to build a relationship I do want to talk to her so that she can get everything off her chest... I feel it is very difficult to be happy in the future if we dont...

This is not an easy situation...but I love her with all my heart and there is nothing I would not do to see her happy and that includes stirring away from her if its needed...

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I have not been in your situation, but I would advise you to not message her UNLESS she messages you first.

You have hit her head on with something she is not sure how she feels or how to deal with it. Give her time, lots

of time if she needs it . In time you will have your answer. Whether it is what you want to hear or not what you expect

it will be clear.  You have loved her for a long time, maybe she loves you the same way or not,  she hasn't had knowledge

that you felt as you do. She needs the time to process the information and search her heart, soul and head for the correct

answer to the declaration you presented. Be patient, do not pressure her in any way. Even if you don't think you are pressuring

her, the daily texts, regardless of what they say, can be construed as pressure by her.

I do wish you well and that things work out for both of you, whatever that may be.

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Don’t take this harshly but i think you should back off a bit. Clearly she doesnt want to talk about it, maybe shes ashamed, shy, confused?! I know it is hard. Maybe your looking for closure? To really know how she felt? To hear what she thinks about all of that?
You just need to let it go for now and start focusing on yourself. You think about this situation too often and probably daydream about it way too much. Instead why don’t you go to the gym, hangout with some buddies, join a sports club or any club that interests you, watch movies. Anything to take your mind off of her. 

I was in a similar situation like yours but we weren’t physical. She is 6 years younger and we use to hang out playing sports, video games, board games, wrestling each other. I developed feelings and I confessed one day and she was shocked. She didn’t say much and it kinda made things awkward between us. I never pushed the situation any further. I wouldn’t show up to parties or family reunions if i knew she was there. I took a long break just to forget about the whole situation and it was hard bc i felt like she liked me too from her actions and the way she looks/talked to me. I just wanted to know her side. Anyways the long break away from her, reading many stories here and on dearcupid, time & god helped me. I still think about her now but not like before. We have a okay relationship now. And I want to keep it that way. Sometimes whats meant to be will happen in time. I never got the closure and probably never will. It doesn’t bother me now. I have my life to live too, and we only got one chance at it so I’m gonna enjoy it. I can’t let others decide my happiness.

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You’re story sounds somewhat similar to mine. I’m new to this site and don’t know how to create initial posts so consider this to be an original. 

I’ve been extremely attracted to my half first cousin (our moms are half sisters) since a very young age. Im now 33 and she’s 29. We are both married to different people. We also now live in different countries. 

We did get touchy Feely with each other when we were really young. This was probably my first such experience ever and I don’t think she have any memory of it.

Anyways, other than those 2 times, we’ve not been intimate again. I didn’t see her very often growing up; only at family gatherings and the occasional sleepovers. however, when we did meet she didn’t really show romantic interest in me. 

fast forward to our teenage years, I was still insanely attracted to her but was too afraid to make a move. Many years have passed since we had those 2 encounters and nothing since then. I kept worrying about and adverse response and the resulting fallout that would follow. 

Because of this, I attempted to show her my feeling for her indirectly. I would try to spend time with her and would say things to imply that I had feeling for her. Nothing came if it, but I assumed that she had some idea of how i felt for her. 

She was also very comfortable around me. For instance, we’ve been in her room alone while she was wearing just panties + bra. We’ve also slept in bed together on many occasions when we were teens, but without romantic encounter. 

Around age 19, I moved away for college. we saw each other maybe 4 or 5 times between age 19 and age 32. I didn’t think about her much when we were apart; but on the few occasions that I saw her I felt the familiar butterflies again. 

Last year (2019) she announced that she was getting married or her Boyfriend of 8 years. I was also married at this point and had a rather apathic reaction to the announcement. 

I went back home few days prior to the wedding, accompanied by my wife. But, I didn’t see her until the wedding day. When I saw her in that white dress i started feeling butterflies again. I couldn’t stop checking her out.

The wedding came and went, and 2 days later, she was at the family home with a bunch of our relatives. Whenever we’re at a place together, I could never stay away from her for long. I was being pulled in and I couldn’t help it. We talked and after the crowd thinned out we started playing again like we were kids. I kept tickling her....and she just flailed and giggled as she always do.

At one point, she was sitting towards the edge of the chair so I jumped onto the chair behind her and wrap both my arms around her with each fingers on her ribs. This undoubtedly could be interpreted as sexual in nature. She just giggled and flailed as usual. One of the kids that was in the room saw us and screamed ‘help, get off of her’ and stated calling my wife. Our uncle was also in the room and was watching with a curious look on his face.

I soon let her go and my cousin simply said to the kid, ‘relax, he’s my cousin and we’re just playing’. The kid then responded to me ‘you’re disgusting’. I just shrugged it off and we continued on drinking and taking like nothing happened. She didn’t make any fuss whatsoever.

After 2 more days, i left and came back home. Sometime afterwards I reflected back on this senario and how comfortable she was when I had my arms around her. She have also been very comfortable with me in the past. 

That’s when I though ‘maybe it’s safe to just tell her how I felt’. After all, She didn’t make a fuss about me being up against her arse. And believe me, she’s pretty voluptuous and have a really nice arse ^^. 

I was doing some research on how to approach when I came across cousincouples.com. The stories on here were inspiring and gave me the reassurance I need to do this. So, I decided I was going to tell her and she how she responds. 

The perfect time didn’t present itself until few days ago when I was home alone. I realized that she was online and messaged her saying hi. She responded back and turns out she was home alone too. We decided do a video call and had a lively chat about a few things, just catching up with each other.

About 30 min in the conversation the moment felt right. So I said to her, ‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. It’s something that you probably already know but I wanted to say it to you anyways’. 

she responded: ‘sure what’s up?’
me:

‘I’m really nervous but here goes. I’ve had the biggest crush on you for the longest time you wouldn’t believe. I’ve felt this way about you since I was a child’

her: giggling uncontrollably 

I went into vivid details about how I loose my mind whenever I’m around her for too long. I held nothing back. She was very receptive and understanding. She wasn’t uncomfortable at all. She just kept on laughing and said that had no clue I felt this way. She told me that the only time when it corossed her mind was when I put my arms around her at our relatives house. And she just decided to not think on it too much. 

She also said that she’s not innocent and is in no position to judge me. Turns out that some of her cousins have liked her at one point or another. She only mentioned one name but I suspect that my one of my younger brothers might be on the list. Long story!!

We didn’t go into details as to what happened with her and them. But, we both agreed that what we discussed stays with us. She ended the conversation with a promise that she would text me the following day to see if my feelings have changed. 

Sure enough, she did text me the following day. And I responded that’s my feelings have not changed. I then asked her what’s her opinion on the situation, to which she replied that we should just be good cousins. I then video called her to talk in more details. She told me that she never really perceived me in that light growing up. After we talked, she said that she would think about it and give me a response the following day. I respond that I’m nervous about what her response will be and she said ‘just try to keep an open mind’. 
 

Two days when by before she responded. Her response was that she gave it some though but didn’t feel up to it’. I expressed how I felt about her decision and that I’m still wishing that she will consider. But either way, we’re still cool.

the following day, she was nowhere to be found online for hrs. This is not like her. After about 10 hrs with no online presence I sent a message inquiring if she was ok. no response came back. 
two hrs later I called her and still no response. What was wrong? She seemed to have taken things very well when we spoke. Finally, about 30 min later. She messaged me back. Our conversation went as followed:

Her: hey, i was in town all day and had no service. (This is a plausible answer for where she lives) I’m ok. Is everything alright? 

Me: yes, I’m good. Just wanted to make sure that you’re ok. 

Her: believe me, I’m perfectly fine. 😊 

Me: that’s good to know. 

Her: I love you cous ❤️

Me: I love you too ❤️ 

I confessed my love for her and we’re not the slightest bit awkward afterwards. Even though she said she isn’t up for a casual relationship, somehow I feel there is hope that we’ll hookup eventually. Any thoughts on this situation? 

 

 

 

 

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hace 4 horas, Romalee dijo:

I have not been in your situation, but I would advise you to not message her UNLESS she messages you first.

You have hit her head on with something she is not sure how she feels or how to deal with it. Give her time, lots

of time if she needs it . In time you will have your answer. Whether it is what you want to hear or not what you expect

it will be clear.  You have loved her for a long time, maybe she loves you the same way or not,  she hasn't had knowledge

that you felt as you do. She needs the time to process the information and search her heart, soul and head for the correct

answer to the declaration you presented. Be patient, do not pressure her in any way. Even if you don't think you are pressuring

her, the daily texts, regardless of what they say, can be construed as pressure by her.

I do wish you well and that things work out for both of you, whatever that may be.

I perfectly understand your point. I did receive a text from her a few hours ago asking me how I was doing and a few more things, first long text since the confession....I did reply and didnt get a response... It is perfectly understandable it was really hard for me to come out clean with her, I even hid this feeling for a long time... I do get to travel all over always and she is my usual travel buddy when she gets time off her job...

 

Thanks for the response, you are absolutely correct in everything...

 

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1 hour ago, Drew22 dijo:

Don’t take this harshly but i think you should back off a bit. Clearly she doesnt want to talk about it, maybe shes ashamed, shy, confused?! I know it is hard. Maybe your looking for closure? To really know how she felt? To hear what she thinks about all of that?
You just need to let it go for now and start focusing on yourself. You think about this situation too often and probably daydream about it way too much. Instead why don’t you go to the gym, hangout with some buddies, join a sports club or any club that interests you, watch movies. Anything to take your mind off of her. 

I was in a similar situation like yours but we weren’t physical. She is 6 years younger and we use to hang out playing sports, video games, board games, wrestling each other. I developed feelings and I confessed one day and she was shocked. She didn’t say much and it kinda made things awkward between us. I never pushed the situation any further. I wouldn’t show up to parties or family reunions if i knew she was there. I took a long break just to forget about the whole situation and it was hard bc i felt like she liked me too from her actions and the way she looks/talked to me. I just wanted to know her side. Anyways the long break away from her, reading many stories here and on dearcupid, time & god helped me. I still think about her now but not like before. We have a okay relationship now. And I want to keep it that way. Sometimes whats meant to be will happen in time. I never got the closure and probably never will. It doesn’t bother me now. I have my life to live too, and we only got one chance at it so I’m gonna enjoy it. I can’t let others decide my happiness.

Thanks for your response and I am trying to clear my mind I am usually a very busy guy talking on the phone all day due to business and stuff like that... but this damn covid situation has me with plenty of free time to overthink things...  I should back off a little but it is so recent and it took me a long time to accept it so thats why I feel a bit off the ground at the moment...

I hope some day you could get the closure...

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hace 28 minutos, Blablabla dijo:

You’re story sounds somewhat similar to mine. I’m new to this site and don’t know how to create initial posts so consider this to be an original. 

I’ve been extremely attracted to my half first cousin (our moms are half sisters) since a very young age. Im now 33 and she’s 29. We are both married to different people. We also now live in different countries. 

We did get touchy Feely with each other when we were really young. This was probably my first such experience ever and I don’t think she have any memory of it.

Anyways, other than those 2 times, we’ve not been intimate again. I didn’t see her very often growing up; only at family gatherings and the occasional sleepovers. however, when we did meet she didn’t really show romantic interest in me. 

fast forward to our teenage years, I was still insanely attracted to her but was too afraid to make a move. Many years have passed since we had those 2 encounters and nothing since then. I kept worrying about and adverse response and the resulting fallout that would follow. 

Because of this, I attempted to show her my feeling for her indirectly. I would try to spend time with her and would say things to imply that I had feeling for her. Nothing came if it, but I assumed that she had some idea of how i felt for her. 

She was also very comfortable around me. For instance, we’ve been in her room alone while she was wearing just panties + bra. We’ve also slept in bed together on many occasions when we were teens, but without romantic encounter. 

Around age 19, I moved away for college. we saw each other maybe 4 or 5 times between age 19 and age 32. I didn’t think about her much when we were apart; but on the few occasions that I saw her I felt the familiar butterflies again. 

Last year (2019) she announced that she was getting married or her Boyfriend of 8 years. I was also married at this point and had a rather apathic reaction to the announcement. 

I went back home few days prior to the wedding, accompanied by my wife. But, I didn’t see her until the wedding day. When I saw her in that white dress i started feeling butterflies again. I couldn’t stop checking her out.

The wedding came and went, and 2 days later, she was at the family home with a bunch of our relatives. Whenever we’re at a place together, I could never stay away from her for long. I was being pulled in and I couldn’t help it. We talked and after the crowd thinned out we started playing again like we were kids. I kept tickling her....and she just flailed and giggled as she always do.

At one point, she was sitting towards the edge of the chair so I jumped onto the chair behind her and wrap both my arms around her with each fingers on her ribs. This undoubtedly could be interpreted as sexual in nature. She just giggled and flailed as usual. One of the kids that was in the room saw us and screamed ‘help, get off of her’ and stated calling my wife. Our uncle was also in the room and was watching with a curious look on his face.

I soon let her go and my cousin simply said to the kid, ‘relax, he’s my cousin and we’re just playing’. The kid then responded to me ‘you’re disgusting’. I just shrugged it off and we continued on drinking and taking like nothing happened. She didn’t make any fuss whatsoever.

After 2 more days, i left and came back home. Sometime afterwards I reflected back on this senario and how comfortable she was when I had my arms around her. She have also been very comfortable with me in the past. 

That’s when I though ‘maybe it’s safe to just tell her how I felt’. After all, She didn’t make a fuss about me being up against her arse. And believe me, she’s pretty voluptuous and have a really nice arse ^^. 

I was doing some research on how to approach when I came across cousincouples.com. The stories on here were inspiring and gave me the reassurance I need to do this. So, I decided I was going to tell her and she how she responds. 

The perfect time didn’t present itself until few days ago when I was home alone. I realized that she was online and messaged her saying hi. She responded back and turns out she was home alone too. We decided do a video call and had a lively chat about a few things, just catching up with each other.

About 30 min in the conversation the moment felt right. So I said to her, ‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. It’s something that you probably already know but I wanted to say it to you anyways’. 

she responded: ‘sure what’s up?’
me:

‘I’m really nervous but here goes. I’ve had the biggest crush on you for the longest time you wouldn’t believe. I’ve felt this way about you since I was a child’

her: giggling uncontrollably 

I went into vivid details about how I loose my mind whenever I’m around her for too long. I held nothing back. She was very receptive and understanding. She wasn’t uncomfortable at all. She just kept on laughing and said that had no clue I felt this way. She told me that the only time when it corossed her mind was when I put my arms around her at our relatives house. And she just decided to not think on it too much. 

She also said that she’s not innocent and is in no position to judge me. Turns out that some of her cousins have liked her at one point or another. She only mentioned one name but I suspect that my one of my younger brothers might be on the list. Long story!!

We didn’t go into details as to what happened with her and them. But, we both agreed that what we discussed stays with us. She ended the conversation with a promise that she would text me the following day to see if my feelings have changed. 

Sure enough, she did text me the following day. And I responded that’s my feelings have not changed. I then asked her what’s her opinion on the situation, to which she replied that we should just be good cousins. I then video called her to talk in more details. She told me that she never really perceived me in that light growing up. After we talked, she said that she would think about it and give me a response the following day. I respond that I’m nervous about what her response will be and she said ‘just try to keep an open mind’. 
 

Two days when by before she responded. Her response was that she gave it some though but didn’t feel up to it’. I expressed how I felt about her decision and that I’m still wishing that she will consider. But either way, we’re still cool.

the following day, she was nowhere to be found online for hrs. This is not like her. After about 10 hrs with no online presence I sent a message inquiring if she was ok. no response came back. 
two hrs later I called her and still no response. What was wrong? She seemed to have taken things very well when we spoke. Finally, about 30 min later. She messaged me back. Our conversation went as followed:

Her: hey, i was in town all day and had no service. (This is a plausible answer for where she lives) I’m ok. Is everything alright? 

Me: yes, I’m good. Just wanted to make sure that you’re ok. 

Her: believe me, I’m perfectly fine. 😊 

Me: that’s good to know. 

Her: I love you cous ❤️

Me: I love you too ❤️ 

I confessed my love for her and we’re not the slightest bit awkward afterwards. Even though she said she isn’t up for a casual relationship, somehow I feel there is hope that we’ll hookup eventually. Any thoughts on this situation? 

 

 

 

 

I might not be the best to give advice here... but I do think she has no interest in hooking up again... I feel that she is a cool person and understood the situation I think you should focus on what she told you and not push it unless she openly tells you to or she is extremely flirty....

If you dont keep distance it might create a fracture on your relationship with her in the future...

😕

 

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9 hours ago, Crymess said:

I might not be the best to give advice here... but I do think she has no interest in hooking up again... I feel that she is a cool person and understood the situation I think you should focus on what she told you and not push it unless she openly tells you to or she is extremely flirty....

If you dont keep distance it might create a fracture on your relationship with her in the future...

😕

 

You are probably right. She had the option in front of her and declined it so I don’t think it’s wise to pursue aggressively. But based on the vibe i’m getting from her she seems to appreciate my affections. It could have gone a lot worse than that if you ask me. And this somewhat gives me hope. 

I plan on keeping in touch, but i’m not going to wait for her. Just going to keep living and enjoying life. If she comes around that’s a plus. 

it feels good to have finally told her though. I have to thank the people on this site for their inspirational stories and guidance. The sense of community that the site provides is invaluable. 

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hace 6 horas, Blablabla dijo:

You are probably right. She had the option in front of her and declined it so I don’t think it’s wise to pursue aggressively. But based on the vibe i’m getting from her she seems to appreciate my affections. It could have gone a lot worse than that if you ask me. And this somewhat gives me hope. 

I plan on keeping in touch, but i’m not going to wait for her. Just going to keep living and enjoying life. If she comes around that’s a plus. 

it feels good to have finally told her though. I have to thank the people on this site for their inspirational stories and guidance. The sense of community that the site provides is invaluable. 

You are in a thin line as I am too... The difference is now she is married and she is building her life... I know you are upset but you also got to put everything in a balance... I ommitted many details on my first post and the reasons I feel that everything is mutual, we both are single at the time.... she does nothing but take pics and videos of me and us even when I am not aware of it... I might be mixing things up a bit but I do have a strong feeling she is facing the same situation, she is introverted which also difficults things... From what I read your cousin is extroverted and lives life much more relaxed.... Dont lose faith anything might happen if she feels the same but dont push it either and keep moving on with your life....She already knows what you feel and you never know what could happen but definately now she has the decision... Would you sacriffice your marriage for her.... and so on...

 

have a good day

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