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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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I have a crush on my first cousin, I'll be visiting him for a whole week, but...

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Alright, so, I've developed a sort of infatuation, or crush on my cousin. I first met him when I was 10 and he was 8, now I'm 17 and he's 15. I only met him again in 7 years for 2 days but I kept in touch with him and my other cousins over facebook, so now I think I really like him. He only speaks spanish, though, (like the majority of my cousins), however, I'm still in the middle of learning Spanish myself, but still, I only know English. I use a translator and verify with my mother (who speaks english and spanish) when chatting with him, and I've told him this, and he doesn't mind. I feel really stupid for liking him, because we don't even share the same language and I've only met him again from 7 years ago for 2 days (and that happened about 3 months ago) and I already have these huge amount of feelings towards him, even more, he's my first cousin, so I don't know if he's okay with these types of relationships in the first place (though I've heard there have been some cousin marriages around our family, but I don't know).

So anyhow, I just want someone to talk to about this, because I have a friend or two that knows I find him cute and funny, but there's no one who knows I'm actually serious about it, mainly because he's, well....my cousin. He also lives with his younger sister and mother (he's never met his father) and our other cousins in the same house. I'll be going to go meet them all at their house up north in new york in 2 weeks for christmas, and i'll be staying there with them for a whole week. I'm sure it'll be fun, because where I live it doesn't snow and maybe we can all go to nyc together and have pillow fights etc, but I'm scared about meeting my crush, because today I just found out he has a girlfriend. When I first started talking to him he didn't have one but now he does. I'm afraid he'll bring her over to the house or we'll see her around the neighborhood or something, and I don't know how I'll act. I'm afraid I'm going to be so awkward or obviously jealous or I can't stop staring at him to the point where people realize that I like my crush and they'll all think I'm so stupid and immature and a weirdo for liking my own cousin, and then I'll start crying and it'll be a huge mess. I don't know what to do, I want someone to talk to about this, because I have no one right now....help me, please.

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The language issue can be overcome if you keep working on your Spanish skills (or he learns English).

However, you, my dear, are getting ahead of yourself.  First off, he has a girlfriend and you should not interfere in that relationship.  If he does happen to bring her over while you are there you should be polite and if need be, make yourself scarce and not spend much time around the two of them.

Also, you haven't spent much time with him, so you don't really know for sure if he is the kind of guy that's right for you.  Chatting online is much different from spending time with someone one on one.  You may see him and go, "Wow, what WAS I thinking?".  And even if you get butterflies in your stomach when you see him, you must remember that he has a girlfriend.  You were wise to start your post with stating that you have a crush or infatuation on your cousin.  That's all it is right now.  Crushes can make us act crazy and think irrationally!!  A crush will pass; It may not seem like it will, but trust me, it will.

Since you found this site, you should have figured out that contrary to some social standards, relationships between cousins is perfectly fine. I've been dating my first cousin for 6 months now.    :cheesy:  Most of us here understand your uneasiness in thinking about romance between cousins, because most of us struggled with the same issue.  In the US, at least, we have been told that it's wrong, immoral and unnatural.  None of those things are true.  Cousin relationships do provide their own sets of challenges, but can also be very rewarding.

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Guest Sephyra

Thank you very much for your reply! Yes, I just joined this site today, so I'm pretty new.  :azn:

Anyhow, you're right, that I shouldnt interfere with him and the girl, of course. Even before I learned he had a girlfriend (I found out today, but I'm not sure for how long they've been dating), I barely even tried to "make a move" on him anyway, because I don't know how he feels about cousin couplings, so I kept it to just light flirting online every now and then.

And that's true, online conversation is much different from face-to-face talk, but for now, it's the only way I can successfully talk with him (but even then we sometimes don't know what we're saying, lol) I'm hoping I can learn spanish faster that way (if I still like him in the future) I can talk to him better, because I feel like there's a lot we can talk about (since I found out we have many similar interests).

That's just it though: I only sort of know him, and I've only actually met him for a brief time recently this year, so of course I can't say I'm "in loooove with him" or anything, but I do acknowledge that I have some pretty strong feelings towards him...I just don't know what to do with them. And you also mentioned that I haven't spent much time with him so I'm not sure if he's the right guy for me, which is true. Hopefully over time, with more visits and more personal interactions, I'll be able to tell for SURE whether or not he's the guy for me, and from what I learn from him, overtime, MAYBE one day I can say I'm in "love" with him, but who knows at the current moment, it's just a crush right now, lol.

This is also the first time I've ever had a crush on someone who was related to me. Before I started to like him, I didn't really approve of cousin/ any related pairings at all, but after I started feeling this way towards him, I looked into it more and realized it really isn't that bad. Even in the Bible (I'm a Christian) after the love laws in Leviticus were written, there was mentioned these girls who were given in marriage to their first cousins, and it was completely okay! Apparently first cousins aren't considered to be "close family" by God after all, lol. And also 20% of marriages in the world are between cousins (or was it first cousins, i dont remember) and when first cousins have babies, the risk of birth defect in the child is only about 4-7%, while people who are completely unrelated when having a baby have a risk of 2-3%.

enough rambling off facts, lol, so, yes, hopefully I won't see her at all when I go to visit, but if I do I'll try to just, well, i don't know, avoid her, be nice as if it didn't bother me at all. I've never even had a crush before who had a girlfriend at the time I liked him, so my crush is a 2-in-1 first time thing for me (first time to like a cousin, first time to like a guy with a gf), lol.

and say that their relationship doesn't work, and he's single, and at that time, I still like him....how would I go about interacting with him? Again, I don't know if he' grossed out or accepting to cousin relationships, so, how do I act with him (when/if he's ever single again and I still have these feelings towards him) ?

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and say that their relationship doesn't work, and he's single, and at that time, I still like him....how would I go about interacting with him?

Don't worry about the What Ifs.  Get to know him as a cousin.  Have fun doing cousin things.  Let life take its natural path.  IF the time ever comes when it's clear that you are mutually attracted to each other, then post again here and we will help you out.  For now, take a deep breath, enjoy your Christmas break and have fun in The Big Apple!

Merry Christmas!!

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