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Guest Lynn

can someone please help me?

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I found this site and thought perhaps I could find help here and would be free from the persecution society tends to put on loving one's own cousin. I need some advice and to tell my story... I hope that will be okay.

It all started four years ago, my cousin and I began to hang out a lot because our dads work together and our mothers are both nurses. I instantly had feelings for him.

As time went by I tried to supress them but it didn't work. I told myself it was wrong to feel this way and that he would never be interested in me because I'm nothing special.

When I was around him I found myself unable to focus on anything but him and I caught him looking at me a lot. If we came in physical contact it literally felt like an electric current went through me (call it clich? but that's what it was like) although at the time it didn't seem possible the feelings grew more intense.

December rolled around and it was time for the family christmas party. He ended up coming to my house to stay the night after the party. Our siblings went to bed and so did my father so just him and I were awake. We were watching tv when he suddenly put his arm around me. I remember thinking "his arm is around me.. if only he meant it in the way I wanted it to" I looked up at him and before I knew it he kissed me and was holding my hand. I didn't stop it at all.

After a while of kissing we decided to pretend that it never happened and go back to normal. I agreed and so we attempted to do that. For a whike it seemed as it had before as long ad our family was around at least.  I was 13 then he was 14.

Its been three years to the day and I'm 16 he's 17. On thanksgiving he kissed me again. This time we didn't make an agreement to forget it happened. I've gotten out of a two year relationship with another guy this summer and the whole time I was in it my cousin hated that I was with the guy. I don't know what all this means. I have intense feelings for my cousin and I think he does for me as well.  I kno our families woudnt accept us but I love him. I know I'm young to use the word love but I've never felt this way with anyone else but him and it only keeps getting more intense. He's my second cousin by the way and I'm so conflicted over this. What should I do?  Am I a bad person for loving him? Will I go to hell? Should I stop denying my love for him to myself or should I hide it and push him away?

This is killing me I'm sorry for the length of this but no one knoes about this and I need help badly. Thank you for your support and understanding.

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Lynn,

Many of us can cite similar experiences with our cousins.  Some, like me, waited far too many years to see if we could make a "go" of a relationship.  You are young, that doesn't necessarily mean that you haven't found love.

Upfront:  No you are not a bad person and you won't go to hell for having a relationship with your cousin (I'm dating my 1st cousin and I can assure you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it).  And no, you should not necessarily deny your feelings for him or push him away.  That doesn't mean that you are right for each other, it just means that simply being cousins is not a good enough reason not to pursue someone you have feelings for.

Since you both are very young and unsure of what obstacles you may encounter, you need to proceed wisely.  The two of you need to spend some time together dating - going to movies, concerts, dinners, playing Ultimate Frisbee at the park, whatever - and get to know one another.  Be rather casual and really use the time to get to know one another!  Make sure you are keeping up with school work and doing what you need to do to get ready for college - that time will come sooner than you think!  And if your parents can see that you are a responsible young lady with a good head on her shoulders, you just may pave the way for acceptance of a relationship with your cousin if that option ever avails itself.

You won't really know how your family feels until you talk to them.  That conversation can wait a little while.  If you are being casual with your cousin, there really won't be anything to tell them.  When/If you and your cousin decide that you really want to see where the relationship can go, then you need to talk to your parents. When/If that time comes, post back on here and we will walk you through it.  You should look through the archives because there are lots of posts dealing with that topic and you should get some idea about how to proceed. 

I will say up front that if your parents lose their minds and forbid the two of you from seeing each other, then you must obey them.  It will be hard, but  you are their children, living under their rules.  As long as you are dependent upon them you must abide by their rules.  That sounds like it would really suck - and it probably will - but it won't be forever!

Take things slowly, my dear.  Dating when you're a teenager has enough drama already; throw a cousin into the scenario and there is potential for even greater drama.

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Thank you do much what you said is very helpful and I eill follow your advice thank you so much for answering. Congratulations on your relationship as well, good luck

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