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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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cantstopthinkingofher

Not sure what I should do...

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Hi,

I am in love with my 1st cousin and I don't know what I should do. I am 23 and I can't stop thinking about my cousin who is 20.

I have been in love with her for longer than I can remember. I think about her everyday on and off all day. It is driving me nuts because I feel like it is pointless. She is everything and more than I could ever want in a girlfriend/wife. She's unbelievable and makes me happier than anyone I have ever met. I talk to her about every week and it is the best part of my week and always makes my day. I honestly don't meet very many girls because of major and personality but I have started to notice I don't even attempt to meet anyone because of my feelings for her. I had a girlfriend for 4 years and the reason I had to break up with her was because I realized that I loved my cousin more than I loved her. I was happier and felt better in the few days I spent with my cousin than I ever did with my girlfriend. 

My cousin is from a very religious christian family and is a very good girl. I have very good morals and beliefs but I am not religious at all. I think my immediate family would be able to accept it... But most of my extended family including her family is very religious and most likely would object. I see my extended family every couple years and I honestly would care less if I knew she loved me. But I wouldn't want her family to be upset at her...

I haven't seen her for a couple years and I probably won't again till this next summer. But I look forward everyday till I see her again...

I feel like there are two things I could do. I could tell her and see what happens but we both are at a point in our lives where it would be completely pointless. She has a couple more year of college and I am just starting work..and I know she wouldn't want a long distance relationship... Or I could try harder to just move on and find someone else. But its really hard when I feel so in love with her and because of it I can't love someone else. Maybe I should tell her and she would completely shoot it down so I could move on...but then I risk losing her completely...

Any advice would be great.

Thank you for reading.

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I'm in a similar predicimate except my cousin (2nd cousin) and I have kissed and he has a girlfriend. I'm struggling to make the dame decision regarding family and moving on. My immediate family would object.

To maybe help you though is there any indication that she may feel the same way about you?

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I am sorry to hear that someone else is in this same situation. Really unfortunate..

There have been a few times where I definitively felt like she liked me. She has always called me her special cousin and I feel like she is always staring at me and holding my hand. She stays up really late alone with me when she has visited. And there was time she leaned on me and looked up at me pretty much enticing me to kiss her. I didn't because I had a girlfriend at the time and I am not like that. On the other hand I could easily be miss reading all of this as her just being close to me and me wanting it to be more.

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Situations are only as unfortunate as you allow them to be. Nothing is impossible, only thought to be such in minds unwilling to accept the extrarordinary and unlikely. Fortune favors the brave after all.

To me it sounds as if she might like you at least a little bit. Do you know if you're planning on telling her how you feel yet?

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I am not sure. I keep going back and forth on what I should do. If I was to tell her I'd do it in person so probably not for a few months at least. I feel like if I tell her and she says no I might at least be able to move on but I'd risk ruining what we have. And if she says yes she still has two more years of college and I don't live in the area.

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Well whatever you decide make sure you accept it 100%. At the very least follow your heart and remember to think of your own happiness. If you tell her tell her in person but don't suprise her with it.  Ease her into the thought of you giys as a couple. Drop subtle hints and see how she reacts to those. I'm back and forth with the same thing. I see my cousin saturday so I'm freaking out about it a bit. All in all just try not to overthink your decision and font secomd guess yourself. Do what feels right and natural

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Thank you that is some good advice. I will have to keep thinking about it and maybe drop some hints when I talk to her on the phone.

I hope it goes well for you.

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