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I am new and I would like to share my story

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  Hey everyone! My name is Shanon and I really thought that I was the only one who fell in love with their cousin. When I was 15 I had some family come up from Jamaica to officially reside in the country. Out of all of my family members that came up there was one that I definitely didn't know, and that was my cousin Chevon. He is in fact my first cousin, his dad being my mom's brother. I noticed that something was pretty weird between us at first because this was our first time meeting and he just didn't feel like family to me. Anyways, the first day that he came up we ended up taking a huge trip to Washington D.C. I caught myself constantly staring at him in a way that I stare at guys that I am attracted to. We went through the day trying to "get to know each other" but it was soooo hard because we both felt the sexual tension between us.

On our bus ride back he sat next to me and rested his head on my lap to take a nap. Halfway through the bus ride he sat upright and kissed me as if we were all alone on the bus together. I figured that I should have been shocked, pissed or something other than how I felt.

I was extremely turned on and wanted him to kiss me passionately for a long time.  :kiss: :kiss:

As time progressed so did our attraction for each other. My mom offered for him to live with us but that didn't work out (lord knows what would have happened). He would leave from Brooklyn and come over to visit. We would have private conversations and it eventually became physical between us. One night things got pretty intense and I ended up losing my virginity to him. We continued to be physically involved for years but I knew there was more to it between the both of us. After a couple of years he ended up getting into some stuff and didn't come around as often and got locked up twice. The second bid that he is doing now is almost over. he has been locked up for 4 and a half years now. I lost contact with him because my mom found out about us being sexually involved and she was infuriated!!!  :evil: :evil: :cry: :cry:

I had also went off to college and had no idea what facility he was in. I eventually reconnected with him and in that time that he was locked up he ended up getting married and his wife had a daughter for him. I will not lie, hearing all of this kind of broke my heart in all honesty. Anyways, we started writing letter back and forth and he kept telling me how much he missed me and all. He would constantly tell me to come visit him and I would put off because I just knew that old feelings would resurface once I saw his face. Due to the fact that I know my family would approve I tried to block him out of my mind and life as much as possible but I was all in vein.

About 2 days ago I went to visit him for the first time since he has been locked up. The visit was nothing short of amazing. He grew into such a handsome and VERY WELL BUILT man, as oppose to the scrawny immature boy that I last seen. We talked for hours and I got a chance to hold him, touch him and kiss him freely (something we couldn't do in fear of being caught by family). Later down in the visit after talking he finally let me know that he doesn't want to be with his wife anymore (not that they were married for love anyways). He poured his heart out to me and admitted that he wants me to be his WOMAN and not hide it anymore  :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

He let me know that while he was locked up he thought about what we had been through since he met me and that he feels for me more than just someone that he was physically involved with.

I let him know that the feelings are mutual. I agreed to be in a committed relationship with him, now making him my boyfriend. He let me know how much he loves me and always have. I felt the exact same way. Apart from getting on the right path with his life he says that he will be focusing on a future with the both of us. He wants to get married when the time is right and eventually have kids. I am EXTREMELY happy that he feels the same way that I have felt for years now. Although I am really happy about finally being with him I am really worried about my families reaction to all of this. He is someone who doesn't quite care about our family and their opinions but I somewhat do.

Coming from a Jamaican family that has been brought up in the church, this is really frowned upon. I remember my mom's reaction when she found out that we were sleeping together so I can only imagine how she will react to the fact that he is now my boyfriend. I know that they would most likely cut me off for good and I am afraid of that. Although we have our differences I don't want to lose my family for good. Also, I am not sure how we would work this situation out with his wife because she knows me as his cousin and not his girlfriend. I wouldn't want her to use the situation as an excuse to keep him away from is daughter. I am happy to be with him but I am just worried about how I am going to explain this to people. Can anyone help me out with this situation? I would greatly appreciate it!

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  • Moderator

Thank you for sharing your story.

But now to the part about him being married and having a child.

Your part in this is to cut all communication and seeing him UNTIL he has

dealt with the marriage. Doesn't matter that he tells you he doesn't love her and

doesn't want to be with her.  He is MARRIED to another and you should not

interfer in that relationship.

If and when he decides what his future will be with or with out her, he needs to

settle this relationship. If indeed he decides to stay with his wife then you need

to completely get out of the picture.  Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Would

you want to be treated the way she is and have your husband cheating with another?

This site is definately pro cousin relationship, providing that one or both of the parties

involved are not married or have a relationship with another.  We don't just give a

hearty pat on the back and say got for it just because you are cousins.  I am sure there

will be more to chime in here and maybe not as harshly as I presume you will think I am.

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If it's one thing I am not definitely not one to just run with my emotions without looking at every aspect of the situation. Whether it is my cousin or not I would not openly agree with being with someone if they aren't completely cut from the person they are with. I already had this conversation with him and our relationship would be completely official once his divorce is final. It will be something he works on once he comes out. I know my story didn't seem like that but I figured it would have been common sense for some people. I come from a family where the women have all been with married men and I am against it. My agreement to be with him was once his divorce is final and we can be together with no strings attached.

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Think about what kind of man he really is. He is a married father, who has been sent to prison at least twice. You haven't said what type of criminal he is, as you've falsely minimised it by saying he 'got into some stuff'. However, the fact is that he wasn't sent to prison for four and half years for something petty. In fact, he is so determined to continue his life of crime that the first prison term did not deter him. He will likely continue his criminal ways and be sent back behind bars. Do you want to be pregnant by him the next time this happens? You seem to be blinded by being attracted to him, but it is best for you to look at things logically and not to waste your life on him. He is probably lying about saying he is going to leave his wife and marry you. His habitual dishonesty and superficial charm do not constitute loving or caring about you. Do you want to be one of his girls on the side, one of many he impregnates in between prison sentences? That fact that there is a tradition in your family for having affairs with married men does not mean that you have to follow their example. Many men claim that they will leave their wives when they have no intention of doing so.

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  • Moderator

Good view George.

I have worked in a prison for 24 years.

The return rate is high and the lies and

deception are rampant.

I do believe the words of George are something that

should be taken to heart and really thought about

before you continue the route you are on.

You can be the one to break the "cycle" of having affairs with married men.

It doesn't have to be.

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