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Guest Ayjay

I love my Second Cousin, help?

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Guest Ayjay

Okay, well I will start off by saying. I am 23 and she is 22. We live about an hour and a half away from each other.

We used to hang out a bit when we were young, like 6. I lost contact with her until she was 19 and I was about 20. Although I did see her once during that time. (very briefly) I think we were both like 15-16? My eyes nearly fell out of my head. I had never seen anyone so beautiful as her.

We lost contact and I found out she worked for the same company as me but just in a different city!! So I used the work phone to call her for about 2-3 hours a day instead of working. Got her number on my phone and met up, My eyes fell out of my head again. She has a daughter who is now 3

I started visiting her on weekends. Most weekends I drive to her house on Friday night after work and staying till Sunday arvo.

In the last 3 years that we have reconnected I probably have spent more weekends there than not.

Very early on into our re-connection I realized that I liked her as more than my second cousin, I dismissed it because she looks amazing. But we click so amazingly well. Just things each of us do and say purely amazes each other. There is nothing that we dont tell each other. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I have many cousins that I grew up with and of the same age as me, from both sexes and I have never felt like this about any of them or been this close or whatever. Even though I work with a few of them in my new job.

She told me a story once of how she was dating a guy in highschool and later found out they were cousins, not by blood but by marriage, and that marriage had failed. It was a deal breaker for her. My heart kinda sank.

She currently has a BF who lives with her and is really good with her daughter but hes a bit of an ass hat. Their relationship isn't the best. Her family loves him though because he is good with her daughter. I dont mind him either really. He tells me he only likes me a little bit. I think he gets jealous of me and her because we get on so well and laugh our arses off with each other and are a little bit touchy feely kinda thing.

She told me shes not physically attracted to him, I should have jumped on it and said something about being attracted to me? I didn't and regretting it. I am very shy to begin with and especially because its "Wrong" the way I feel about her.

We get on well but its his first ever relationship and he is really moody and gets angry quite readily and is rather immature. (Life revolves around pokemon) ... Now we all like a bit of nostalgia every now and again but we will have half a dozen people over drinking and laughing. There he is playing pokemon on nintendo. ANYWAY...

I think to myself okay, due to that story that means I have absolutely 0 chance with her but every now and again she does something that spurs me on. Like a weekend or two ago she touched my arse. We were joking about the guys who she works with did that to her one time and she was like.. Yeah they did it like this... Grab... We were in the supermarket so it wasn't at home sorta thing. I havnt said anything about how I feel. I dont want to destroy what we have in case I am deluded.

Just the other day she gave me a kiss on the temple of my head for her Christmas present, which I admit was a little extravagant. (Brand new HP laptop) which she didn't even have a pc or anything so I thought it a really good gift?

Her daughter absolutely loves me and came up to me the other day and said. "I love you daddy" I was blown away. Our family has already given us shit for being so close saying we need to make sure we stay the way we are and nothing more etc etc. I don't care about what they may think for me. But I do care what they think of her. I love her so much it hurts.. And to think that I may never have her. I actually get a physical pain. EVERY touch is electrifying every hug is intensely calming like a drug and I never want to leave her embrace. I can only imagine what it would be like to kiss her lips.. :'( She has had abusive relationships in the past, physically and emotionally. So have I, I trust her with no one else other than myself. And as cliche as it sounds there is nothing I would not do for her. Even if it meant the expiration of my life. I may be crazy, I may be fucking nuts.

I cant help it. I lost contact from her for a year during our re-connection to try and destroy my feelings and in that year I dated 2 other people. As you may tell from me writing this. They didn't last long. My feelings in this time never wavered a bit even though I was doing some serious soul searching.

She tells me she wants me to live with her and she teared up when I left her house the other day. I had spent that whole day lying next to her on the awesome bed that I got her a few Christmases ago since she was sleeping on this horrible metal couch I slept on it once and needed chiropractic help so that was my motivation for getting her that. That day I was lying next to her, her bf was sooo angry. He stormed off and said text me when you want me to come home. He lasted like 3-4 hours before he came back on his own.

I dont want to destroy their relationship. Maybe subconsciously I do. But I love her so much I couldn't do that to her.

I am so sorry for the novel I have written but if anyone can give me any advice, do I go for it? do I tell her how I feel? do I do the whole... If I wasnt your cousin thing? Any advice would be super appreciated. All I know is I cant go on like this. Its crushing me. But I dont want to destroy what we already have for some stupid potential delusion of mine?

Do I wait until she is single or ...? I really just need some help

Cheers guys! :)

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Ok, 1st off I ToTALLY get where you're coming from. I felt the same way for a long time until just 2 months ago when me and my 2nd cousin began dating. 2ndly I have to say she DOES have a boyfriend, and whether he is immature, or that she is not sexually attracted to him or not, they are STILL together! I didn't dare make a move, or tell him anything of the sorts while mine was still with his girlfriend. Even if they feel the same way and would leave them in a heartbeat for you, think of how that would be with the rest of the family; who, in your own words, claim love him.

Having a cousin-relationship is already hard enough with the family drama, you don't need to add in that she left the guy they "love" for you. Plus even if you did tell her there is a good chance that you won't get a 100% true response about her feelings because she's going to be taking her current relationship into consideration while doing so. I didn't dare act on anything until I went down for a visit and found out that him and his girlfriend had recently broken up. I didn't push too hard either because of the fact that he was on the rebound.

Now I'm warning you, even if the do break up and she tells you she feels the same way, it doesn't mean that everything is easy-peasy afterwards either. My cousin began dating another girl that he had just met after he got a blast of shit from his ex about us being physical with each other in an attempt to save both of our feelings. Well...that didn't work out too much and a few months later they were broken up and he was calling and texting me again.

This time when I went to see him he hooked up, and have been together since.... He still struggles about the family-thing because he has received some back-lashes from friends and family who found out we had slept together; what am I kidding, we're still getting it from some of those same people!

It's hard now-a-days with this kind of stuff because of the social taboo of it all - which makes no sense, especially with 2nd cousins, but nonetheless is still there. I recently moved closer to him and we spend as much time as possible with each other. It is still hard sometimes in public cuz you just want to hold hands, or kiss, and you have to deal with other people flirting with the other and not being able to say anything.... A few people know about us now and except it, which is nice cuz then we don't have to hide with them, but...

Anyways, to make a long story short, I really don't think you should make a move until she in actually single and able to asses the information she is being told and make judgements based on her own feelings rather then 1/2 hrs and 1/2 his.

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Guest Ayjay

Missy, thank you so much for your post, I have been refreshing my page several times per day hoping that someone would take the time to read my horribly written novel, for some glimmer of advice. I have read one of yours earlier today also. I agree. I dont want to put her in any sort of awkward position where she must choose or whatever. Its hard to judge a history of someone based on what I write here but I have tried to include facts as per the way I see them and do you think that perhaps there may be even 1% of a feeling there from her? I have always been terrible at telling if a girl likes me. I have had several relationships but I have let others pass through my fingers and then realized hey, that girl was really into me...

Yeah like you said. I dont want to push her especially while she is taken but I am due to stay with her again next weekend and I must admit it is hard to be around someone you love more than anything and not being able to do anything about it. I dont see her in a sexual nature, I just want to be around her all the time to love her purely the only way I know how (hugs and kisses :-P )

Although she is very beautiful and I told her so once not so long ago and she laughed and said no way.. There was a little bit of banter exchanged about this and a look in her eye that I must have been giving back to her.

I am so lost because of the taboo of it all. One of my good friends dates his second cousin and the extended group of my friends have talked about it at length while hes not there and I always stick up for him saying. If they are truly happy together who are we to say otherwise. It was different I guess though, as he introduced her a few years prior to everyone saying hey this is my cousin. Then re-introduced her saying, hey this is my GF so people were like, hey haven't we already met??

If you are worried about birth defects, You have more chance of a birth defect from a woman over the age of 35 than you do in a second cousin relationship, Same with if you drink or smoke at all in your lifetime.

I'm lost and I must thank you again Missy for some clarity here. I hope someday soon-ish she is single so that I can get it off of my chest and find out where to go from there because this is really weighing heavily on my heart. I would have to say its as intense as your first love but I have been in love before and it didn't work but to me, this is no less intense, perhaps even more so. Yet I cannot come outright and say it.

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