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Guest VirgoTaurus7883

Seeking Married Cousin Couples to share thoughts and ideas...

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19 posts in this topic

What would you like people to share thoughts and ideas on?

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i would love to meet and or at least start some sort of friendship with couples who are cousins.  share thoughts on different kind of things that couples go through.  me and my partner honestly have no one to share our things with because of our particular situation.  being realistic, not everyone would take it easy and no one knows of our relationship, only us.  when we have arguments and or discussions it would be nice to have someone in our situation understand the things that we are going through.  as far as the ideas go, ideas on things we can do to make our relationship continue, end it or even if we are both brave enough to tell our families, ideas on how to tell them.

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but again, I would love for it to be adult couples, not teen/tween relationships cause I truly believe that at that age you really dont know what love is

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VirgoTaurus7883, I suppose it depends on what you mean by your "particular situation".  We'd have to know a bit more about that to even know if we're talking about the same thing.  There are quite  a few of us on here who are married to our cousins and have been for many years.  Of course, there are also many more who are either in relationships (adult and teen) or wish they were, but each situation is different.

For my part, my wife and I have been married almost 18 years now.  I can tell you with certainty that a cousin couple goes through the exact same things as any other couple.  Looking back, I can't say there's a single difference beyond what brought us together in the first place, that obviously being cousins is a little different from meeting in Biology class, at a club, etc, but not really much different from two neighbor kids who've known each other most of their lives.

CM

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Hi!

My husband and I are a married cousin couple. :) I am looking for cousin couples too just like you but particularly for a research!

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ahhh, now it comes out. what kind of research edaj? just who the heck are you working for? and what makes you think anyone here is going to trust you?

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Chill out... I am new here and got on this site for one purpose: I am myself in a cousin couple relationship and want to write a book about it. NO I DONT WORK FOR ANYONE OR ANY COMPANY!!! I probably expressed myself wrongly and I apologize for that but you are wrong here. I do not work for any media and my sole intention is to prove that we are not the only ones in this case and that there is nothing wrong with loving your cousin. I am a private citizen curious about how others cope with this and your paranoia had nothing to do with my intentions!

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ok, i appreciate the pm i got from you and i responded in kind. but this is twice you've told me to chill out. let me just give you a heads up.... you don't come onto a message board of any kind and tell the administrators to chill out. that's strike two against you. so you'd better cool your jets and settle down.

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Just posted the same message on the two different boards to make sure you would see it. The goal was not to be arrogant. I am sorry about the media and the idiots who have been prosecuting you guys during these years and I understand your reaction but just don't condemn someone beforehand. I understand your motives though. I'm not trying to come here and act like you should be welcoming, even if I felt I would have been because I am one of yours. I am younger but living the same situation. The same world where it is taboo to be married to your cousin and where you are wondering how you are going to tell this to your own kids when they grow up.

I came on this site simply because I am tired of being considered a freak and having to justify myself with facts like "Darwin and Einstein married their cousins" and "It does not mean our kids will be sick, handicapped or whatever"... My husband and I want kids and I would like them to know that our love story was as normal or even way better than other people's, because it is so special. I am looking for other couples who are ready to put their love story on paper and to give it justice!

Why should we have to elope to some other state to get married? Why should we hide from the people we make friends with that we are cousins? Why should our kids be taunted in the school yard because mom and dad are related and hence considered minorities?

I just think that we have the right to give our version of how things happen and how things really are for us. That we are not the only ones... I came up with the idea to write a book to tell my story, along with the story of other couples with the hope of making our family and the world turn around... I don't know yet if it is going to happen but I just hope it does, for my husband, the kids we will have and all the other cousin couples in the world.

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you're right, and we do have the right to tell how things really are. and we should have the right to marry without recrimination, or without having to jump thru hoops.

you will be accepted here as one of our own ejad, if you become one of our own. that was my whole point to you.... when you come on here asking for private emails in the manner that you did, that doesn't come across as wanting to be a part of the rest of us, it reeks of secretiveness, and secretiveness has bitten way too many people here in the arse.

so stick around, get to know people... for who they are. and we welcome the opportunity to get to know you for who YOU are. and as people get to know you, you'll probably find many people who are willing to contribute to your book research, and support you and encourage you all along the way.

but you need to recognize why you were 'condemned' from the start here. it wasn't about condemning you, it was condemning your actions because the manner in which you made your request was very, very suspect. you didn't mean for it to be, and it apparently never crossed your mind that it would be. but it was. and we're fiercely protective of our members here. we'd rather be fierce and offend the occasional sincere person than to give the benefit of the doubt and risk members getting exploited, which HAS happened every time we've let our guard down.

as time goes on, you'll see what i'm talking about, and you'll come to appreciate that. right now you're feeling bruised by it. i understand how you could feel wounded by my response, but i will not apologize for it. i can't. there are too many members of this board COUNTING on me being vigilant on their behalf.

so without trying to sound harsh again, which i know it will come across that way, let it go and move forward. you've learned something from this exchange, now get over it and enjoy getting to know people. including me if you want. yeah, i'm a hard-ass at times, but you'll find a whole bunch of people who will tell you that my harsh words have saved their sanity, or woke them up to reality, or whatever, and they've come to love and respect me because i don't pull any punches, and i don't let people wallow in self pity. so get over it and let's move on.

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I understand that. I mean no harm, I assure. All I wish here is that my work will help our family turn around. It just breaks me.

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I applaud you for your desire to write do this research.  Here are a couple of things you should consider:

1) You will need solid research that goes beyond anecdotal evidence based on other people you know or meet.  Interviews and personal associations are helpful and important because they tell the human story, but they lack the scientific basis so many people demand.  Make sure you do all of your homework on this.  I highly recommend the book "Forbidden Relatives" by Dr. Martin Ottenheimer as a good starting point.

2) You will need to have a firm understanding of all social aspects of cousin marriage and especially a good history of it and the legal framework within the United States.  European laws will be a lot easier because, as far as I know, no European country prohibits cousin marriage.  However, in the 50 states, there exist myriad laws of various shapes and sizes and a handful of legal cases that evaluate those laws and interpret them quite differently.

3) Most importantly, you will have to be willing to accept that even if you write a masterpiece and it becomes a New York Times best seller, you find yourself being interviewed by news agencies around the country, and your book used in university classrooms, this may change absolutely nothing with family.  The problem with family is that they know you.  They think they do, anyway.  That means they believe they are fully entitled to sit in the judgment seat over you and decide what is and is not good for you.  It means that no matter whom you marry, they believe they get the final say because they intend on some level to live vicariously through you.  If you deny them that right, you're just no fun anymore.  You're the source of drama and some of them just won't forgive you or get over themselves no matter what you do.  The truth remains, a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

Having said all of that, we certainly welcome you to the site and hope you can get to know us all at least a little more.  Some folks hang out in the chat room, some post quite a bit on the boards, and some of us just visit when time permits and do what we can to be of use and help for others.  Just as we welcome visitors with questions, we always welcome well-informed answers.

If you are inclined, please feel free to share your own story with us so we can get to know you a little more.  Naturally, you'll want to only share that information which both you and your cousin are comfortable sharing (or at least any information that doesn't violate your anonymity within your own family and community unless you're comfortable doing so).  But so far, all we know about you is that you want to write a book about cousin relationships.

Looking forward to getting to know you more,

CM

EDIT: Modified because I got confused and thought edaj and VirgoTaurus were the same person... still confused :)

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Hi.

Thanks for your advice! Actually my plan was to write down a chapter or two that would be more about facts than anything else and the rest would be more about real stories of couples. But I think it would be easier to read if facts were implemented within the stories. It makes it interesting and not just like a social studies book.

I am more interested in personal experiences and would like married couples to participate big time. Of course they would have the choice to get their names printed on the parts that concerns each of them or to just remain anonymous. My vision is more about a whole big group work. I actually want to tell my story throughout the whole book along while I would be telling other sub stories. Hummm more like a leading story told bit by bit while I am telling the stories of other couples and implementing scientific facts.

That's going to be a lot of work...

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i would just like to say thank god that there are sites like these. I married my cousin on the 8th june and iv never been so happy. Come rain or shine i love him n we have a bond bigger than anyone else we know that are not cousins.

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Hi!

My husband and I are a married cousin couple. :) I am looking for cousin couples too just like you but particularly for a research!

HI...

i am from hindu family  from india.... i am in love wid my cousin.... i wanna know is couple marriage allowed in christianity??.... if yes shall we convert to christian??... if no please show us the right and legal path...because we will die without eachother...

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Short answer: Yes, cousin marriage is permitted in Protestant Christianity.  The Roman Catholic Church (I don't know about other older Orthodox Churches) requires dispensation but will permit it.

I cannot tell you whether or not to convert to Christianity other than to say that being able to marry your cousin is not by itself a reason to convert.  You must believe in the person, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth.  I recommend finding a Christian Bible online and begin reading.  Find the book "Luke" and begin there, and after that, read "Acts".  From those two books, you will learn much about Christianity's origins (though little about its purpose, which can be gathered from the book of John, Romans, and other books of the New Testament).  I suggest beginning to read here: http://bible.us/Luke1.1.HCSB

CM

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is there any cousin couple who want to stay with her beloved. i have the same situation and we can helpp each other. find me on facebook as sauravsonyforyou or sauravsony5u

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Hi there, i read ur cment. Buddy me and my cousin also lve each other. I am 32 yrs old. V are in north india. Wat abt u

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