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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Roaba

i really need an advise please

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so, my cousin is rarely coming to my house, and when she does, we spend our time together. in the past i used to like her, and i asked her out, but unfortunately she said no.

so, i did my best to forget her. that was 2-3 months ago. and yesterday she came to my house, and as usually, we spent our time together. and she was supposed to sleep here at night. and at night, we were in the same room (bedroom). in the bedroom (we are 14-15, we don't fu*k, so don't comment about it), i got 2 beds, i was on one, and she was on another. i was sitting in her bed, and we were talking, and at a time she touches my hand, and she tells me that it is cold. so, she held my hand 2 hours, and then i put my other hand on her hand. then she put her head on me. i don't really know what to do, she said that "I don't want you to go, please stay more.". i am pretty confused right now, can anyone else tell me what to do? i don't really want to talk with her about it again.

P.S. sorry for my bad english

oh and yeah, i forgot to mention, i have a girlfriend, and my cousin know it, everytime i was petting my cousin's hair, she told me to do that to my girlfriend, and i said "I can't, that's why i want to break up with her.". do you think she got the message?

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Well my dear, most of us tend to overlook posts that use the F Word, even when you remove most of the letters.

Since you have a girlfriend you need to decide what you want to do about that relationship before you even begin to consider another.

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Well, you're only 14-15, so give it a rest and just be friends.  The fact that you refer to the most intimate act a man and woman can be a part of with the F word tells me that you're not nearly mature enough to be making decisions about relationships, especially sexual relationships.  Ditch the girlfriend, try to just be friends with a girl where nothing romantic is involved, and then if that actually works, maybe you'll be ready to discuss more mature relationships.

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Well the thing is that she is very strange.. the first night we were like a couple, the second we didn't even talked and the third she kissed me. I am very confused on what's in her mind.

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Heed the advice from CM and you don't have to worry about what is on her mind.

Don't  worry about whether to be  a couple or not.

Be friends and take her actions as just part of her personality.

You are both too young to worry about a serious relationship.

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The thing is that i really want a relationship with her. I don't know if she really likes me like a boy, or just because we are in the family. Her behaviour changes from day to day and sometimes from hour to hour. She is behaving like this to my friend too, and that makes me very, very jealous.. When i want to talk about this to her, she just gets angry and kicks me out of my room. She is impossible, and i love girls like her.

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See, this is the problem.  You're only trying to hear what you want to hear and not what you need to hear.  She's behaving like a typical mid-teen girl and you're behaving like a typical mid-teen boy.  The problem is that you're both trying to put those behaviors on top of a very adult oriented relationship... something neither of you are emotionally prepared to deal with effectively.  This is hard enough when you're not also adding in the complication of family dynamics.

Cousin relationships are frequently sources of strain on families and turn into added strain on the relationship between the cousins.  When you try to do that in a situation where neither of you is truly independent (out of the house, paying your own bills), you invite the added pain of having no choice but to put that relationship under the microscope of frequently disapproving family members who actually do wield significant control over your lives.  Are you really prepared for that?  I somehow doubt it.

Bottom line:  she's not THAT into you and you should try to just be her friend.  IF there's ever to be any kind of relationship that lasts more than a one-night fling that usually ends up being "oh no, I slept with my cousin and now she won't talk to me and hates me and now what?" you need to heed my advice and just cool off for a while.  Besides, there isn't a sexual or romantic relationship in this world that's worth having if you aren't also the very best of friends and that takes a LOT of TIME to develop.

No, it's not what you want to hear, but you're young.  You have a lot of time to consider what I'm saying and if you take that time, maybe in 25 years, you'll be like me, sitting here after 20 years of very happy marriage giving advice to a younger version of yourself.

Best wishes,

CM

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Thanks a lot. I'll try to ignore her behaviour. And you are right, i am not prepared for a serious relation. Thanks again, you maybe just saved my relation with my family.

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hi....the same thing was happend to me..when i was 14...nd see i also said no to my cousin...bt i couldn't stop myself ...nd i m in love with him...n we both are in love from past 8 years..;-)

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I am happy for you two. I hope me and my cousin will have something serious later, but now i know that i am not prepared to love her as a girlfriend.

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