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Guest semprefamiglia31

My Second Cousin

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Where do I start? I've known my second cousin (My dad and her mom are first cousins) my entire life. However, we're separated by three states so I don't get to see her that often, only once, twice, three times (if I'm lucky) a year. The first time I remember ever feeling attracted toward her was at our family reunion in 2008. I was 12 and she was 10-going-on-11, but she looked about 13 at the time, and I didn't recognize her at first! I actually did the same thing again the following summer. me 13, her 11-going-on-12 but looking 15, I didn't recognize her again and made the same mistake once more! Luckily, the following year, me then 14 and her then 13, I was able to recognize her right away, but that's when trouble started brewing. She'd... physically matured A LOT... over the past year, and everyone noticed. Right away, everyone looked at me and then immediately remembered how I had mistakenly flirted with my cousin the year before and immediately starting making fun of me although all the initial attraction from the past two years had seemed to have faded (or so I thought), and the fact that I live in a rural area doesn't help at all! Whenever I saw my cousin when we were kids, we were very close, up until I hit puberty around age 11 and became very shy and socially awkward. However, around age 15, the awkwardness started to fade away and I started talking to my cousin once more. It took about a year for the closeness to return though, and Christmas 2012, me 16 and her 15, the closeness returned. At our latest family reunion this past summer, me now 17, her now 16, I talked some more with my cousin and found out we have a lot in common! At the time, I was sort of platonic friends with a figure skater from the ice rink I work at, but she was a year older than me and we sort of "broke it off" when she left for college. Afterward, I started to notice the attraction toward my cousin returning, and getting stronger every time I talk to her. I was debating on telling her at Christmas dinner yesterday, but decided not to because 1) I don't know how, 2) I'm afraid of how my family would react, 3) I'm desperately afraid of how she'd react. I've never had a real girlfriend in my life (I've never even so much as kissed a girl before!) and I've had to face so much rejection in my life. It seems almost every girl I've come in contact with only wanted to be friends with me, and every girl I've tried to ask out on a date has shot me down. My cousin and I have a great relationship and many plans for the near future, and the last thing I want to do is ruin the closeness I share with her! What should I do?!

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