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Guest pharaoh

What should I do when I have a lesbian crush on my older first cousin?

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- I'm a 17 year old girl and my first cousin is 34 with two children, twelve and two years old. I've been struggling with my sexuality ever since I was about 16, when realizes I could be at least bisexual or even a lesbian. I was depressed. I was depressed for numerous reasons, getting molested when I was at least 5-7 by my step brother. However, I would say I first became attracted to her in 2010 at her baby shower. I was shocked at how beautiful she looked because I never say her really dress up like that. She only dates drug dealers and her boyfriend was in jail for almost 20 years, she waited for him until he got out and got pregnant immediately, Around that time before the year was even over with my family moved down south.

- We stayed there for almost three years and recently came back, broke as ever! I was entered into a mental institution for wanted to kill myself and dropped out of school the second time down there to. But I enrolled into a adult education program to get back on track to take the GED test. It was real hard down there and we cut off majority of are family because they caused it all! With my cousin, we have not spoken to her in three years.

- The day I first saw her after not seeing her for three years, I viewed her differently, especially after realizes my sexuality. I know I like girls and I know I am attracted to guys. I don't want to label myself. I felt sick in a way for looking at her and I did notice how much she stared at me. I kept getting comments on how beautiful I am now and I heard her say I was gorgeous under her breath while staring me down. I know this is wrong but I really can't help not to like her?

- This kind of came from no where, these feelings! I use to go over her house as kid all the time, I peed on her couch, and now I like her, like her? Her kid accused me of punching him to and she said she was going to fight me! Smdh. Could she have a little crush on me to? She use to did live with her best friend for some years whom my other cousins joked saying she had a gay crush on her. I asked questions about it constantly but I never get an answer. I can't stop thinking about her.


--- One occasion she bumped into my arm and rubbed basically all over it saying sorry.

--- Another . . We were watching a celeb talk aboit being attracted to girls and the person asking the questions spoke of body language above the body means lying and me and my cousin was almost side by side . . face to face. She leaned back.

- She would turn her chair (not facing me).

- For Christmas she gave me a magazine with two lesbians kissing on the second page. A lot of lesbian girls in the magazine.

- When I hugged her I approached her with a side huge and she literally pulled me in l, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight for quite sometime. Like resting her head on my shoulder.

- She would see me being quiet and talk to me.

I'm just sick . . It's gotten to the point when I dream about her.


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Please don't take offence to what I say. I'm trying to help you, not be insulting or patronising.

Your 34-year-old cousin probably loves and cares about you in a family way only. There isn't a clear indication from what you said that she could be bisexual, and even if she is, she would probably see you as being too young for her to have a relationship with. It's common for teenagers to be attracted to thirtysomethings - I was when I was a teen. Her compliments are probably her way of helping you with your self-esteem. Giving you something with lesbians in it could have been unintentional, or she could have given it to you because she realises that you are likely bisexual/lesbian.

It's easy to misinterpret what people say and their body language, more so if you're a teenager and are mentally ill.

Avoid your cousin's drug dealer boyfriends and your sex offender stepbrother - don't let them prey on you. They are the road to ruin. Your cousin sounds like she's a good person, so it's puzzling that she's attracted to drug dealers.

It's important to do well in school. The more educated and qualified you are the better your prospects for your adult life.

It's likely that you have, or are developing, borderline personality disorder. Being depressed, suicidal, confused about your sexual orientation and having been sexually abused during childhood are all major risk factors for BPD. You need to be assessed by a psychiatrist for this. The vast majority of borderlines also have other mental disorders. It's important to find out which mental disorders you have as soon as possible, because the treatment is then more effective. If you don't have BPD, it's important that you receive the help and support you need to prevent it, as without that you are likely to develop it.

Best wishes to you.


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