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Peaches1964

My best friend, my cousin, my The love of my Life

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I knew of him but did not grow up with him, he is on my dads side and we never hung out because of they lived too far. a few years ago, his brother passed away, so that is when we started getting to know each other but it wasn't until my sister past away 1 1/2 years ago, that is when he cam full force in my life, I live alone, my kids are all grown and gone, so he was my rock, my best friend and helped me deal with the sorrow of my sister passing, we became inseparable, we started hanging out together and went everywhere!! he is like no one I have ever met before, my family started questioning our closeness and started asking questions I thought it was stupid and ignorant that they would even suggest such a thing, until one night after a few of my friends came over and we all drank, and they left and he stayed like always, but that night is when we found out that we were in love with each other. and we tried to keep it a secret but I was soo happy that I finally found someone, even tho he is my cousin, I don't know why, but I thought my family and kids would see the happiness in me, its been 10 yrs since I have been in a relationship!! and about the same for him, to make a long story short me and him are banned from my family functions they will not have anything to do with us, his family is ok with us they do not judge, they welcome me they love me. I am just soo confused about the whole thing, it puts such a strain on us sometimes.

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peaches, you said on the chatbox that your children are grown, right? tell them to grow up and quit meddling in your affairs. tell any other family members the same thing. you've been alone for ten years too long. if the two of you can't go to family functions, then do something else! but just so you know, even if people don't want you around, they can't literally ban you from attending family functions. they are just trying to manipulate you so they don't have to feel uncomfortable around you and your cousin. i say GO! (together!) let them squirm! it's not YOUR problem, it's theirs!

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thank you Lady C and you are absolutely right! because I am not a kid, I am their mother who raised them alone!! so I never thought I would ever see myself in this situation, but the hardest part of this whole thing is my kids! and my daughter holding my grandkids over my head its him or your grandkids!! it breaks my heart to no end! I haven't seen them in months, Christmas without them this year was hard but being with my love helped me cope , he can really make me forget because he is so silly and makes me laugh until im crying!! and my family putting crap in my kids head just so they can be on their side and go against me is wrong!! My relationship with him is soo wonderful and healthy for the both of us how can this be soo bad......at the same time I am missing my kids so much. :(

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justme, don't cave in to that kind of emotional blackmail! i'll bet that when she figures out that she can't manipulate you into giving up the one guy who makes you happy, she'll stop withholding the children. i do understand missing your kids, and the grandkids.... mine live in other states, so i don't see them much, and it's hard! but i also understand what it's like to love someone who makes you laugh so much... because mark makes me laugh ALL the time. i encourage you to never let go of that! you've lived your life FOR your children for so long, now it's time to live life for YOU. write a letter to your daughter. in that letter, point out that you are not choosing him over her and the grandkids, but that she is using her children as weapons to blackmail you into submission. tell her that you've lived your life for her, and now that she's a grown woman, it is time for her to let go and allow you some happiness. and let her know that if she continues to be as manipulative and bullyish as she is being, you will miss your grandchildren very much. put it back on HER shoulders. make sure she understands that SHE is the one who is acting in a way unbecoming to a lady.

do you happen to live in a state where it is legal to marry a cousin? because if you do, point that out to her.

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wait, i'm confused... justme64 and peaches1964 ARE the same person, right?

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yes I don't know why this site wanted me to enter another name, so I entered justme64, but im peaches lol, yes my State allows marriage, in fact when I first started having feelings for him I went to my priest (I am Catholic), my family is very catholic and my priest said that it was ok to be with my cousin, in fact he will marry us, since I am divorced and he was never married, we can marry each other in the Catholic Church, so when my feeling were poured out to my siblings, I told them what the priest said and I was sot strong that night because I felt that I have the blessings from God, well my eldest sister went to her priest and he said the same thing, and my brother went to his priest and he said the same thing, but the rest of them said no, they know its wrong, and we were not raised that way, and my brother threatened to tell my parents , so I told my parents before my stupid brother made it look bad! my dad said that he was happy for me, he was a little confused but happy for me and I am his daughter no matter what. but my sibling have a strong hold on my daughter and my 2 other kids it really gets to me but what can I do they are not going to run my life!

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tell your siblings to get out of God's seat and let Him do the judging. and until they can do that, stay away from them. you don't need toxic people in your life!

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thank you I really needed some advice and feedback from someone who does not know me or my family, but you are saying the exact things that my circle of family and friends tell me!! I am going to just live my life now I have raised 4 kids, took care of my mentally ill sister until she passed, and my sick mother and put me aside, now its my turn!! thank you Ladyc you helped me today!!!

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Peaches -  just as quickly as you can, get a copy of the book:  NASTY PEOPLE: HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.  You and your cousin both need to study it - it is short and very easy to understand.  Dr. Carter is an expert on bullying.

It is available on a kindle too.

good luck

Nat

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