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Cousin wants to have sex again, I don't...too complicated

Guest Big__k

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Hey so I feel really bad,

My cousin is 9 years older than me, I am 28, she is 37.

We haven't seen each other for 15 years, and hit it off pretty well. Apparently when I was really drunk I passed out on her couch, then she laid next to me and we cuddled.

I woke up in the morning and realized I was sleeping really close to her, but didn't move.

3 days later after hanging out, I go to sleep at her place... she rubs her butt against my me and I couldn't resist. I went for it. We just did oral sex, since I felt weird having full on sex (weird I know)

Now she is telling me how she can't wait to have sex with me, and all I want to do is run. I want to still have a good relationship with her...we talk and laughing about everything. But I don't have any feelings, and she is treating me like a boyfriend right after.

I want to tell her that I don't regret doing anything, but I don't want to do anything else. Do I just say it so bluntly, will she be really hurt? Honestly I am at a point in my life that I can't do the secretive thing...she has a 15 year old son that lives with her... I can't bare to sneak around him. She is texting me that she can't wait to me, and I am trying to muster the courage to tell her, but I just hope it doesn't ruin everything... If it does I will really regret doing anything.

As far as the physical chemistry...yeah it's electric, but I have no deep feelings for her, it's a strong friendship and purely physical, she is telling me already how I am the best guy ever. I am about to go on a date with another girl in 3 hours...

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  • Moderator

If you are not interested in a relationship with her and do not care to

engage in sexual activities then by all means tell her.

You don't have to be mean or rude about it but do

make yourself clear so there aren't any misunderstandings

or leave her with the feeling that something may happen in the


Maybe her already treating you as a boyfriend is  because she

is lonely, doesn't have a good track record in relationships and feels

you are a safe haven because you are someone she thinks she knows.

Don't feel guilty about what has happened but do make it clear to her you

don't desire to continue on this path.

I think it is very mature and considerate of you to want to not hurt her or

just use her for sex.  Go on your date and enjoy the company.

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  • Senior Member

I agree with Romalee!  If you're not into her that way (in a long-term, romantic, I want to have kids with you kind of way), then go with that and steer clear of her in potentially compromising situations.  That means don't be alone with her.  It can only lead her into thinking there's more there than really exists and it can lead you both into a very tempting situation that can end up being more like "no romance but, oh darn, there's a kid on the way!" type of thing.

Be honest with her about your expectations and limits.  If she can't deal with them - if she can't stand not having more, that's understandable but it's also understandable that you two should definitely avoid private situations if that's the case.

Best wishes,


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  • 5 years later...
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