• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
lonely#2

Worth the risk?

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

7 posts in this topic

Let me start at the beginning. I will try to keep it short and to the point but no promises.

I met my 2nd cousin when we were kids, sometime between 15 and 18 years ago. The very first time I saw her I was in love. But I was young so I just blew it off.

Over the years we spent as much time as we could together, we do not live in the same town. Throughout the year we would spend what breaks we could with each other, in the summers we would spend the whole time connected at the hip. We would go everywhere together, and at night we would fall asleep in each others arms.  As the days and years went by we were never far from each others thoughts.

We had our time when we did not speak much mostly because of me. When I would get A girlfriend I would tend to talk to her less, not because of the person I was with. I would get confused because I always felt she was the one for me. No matter what happened she was always there when I needed her, and I would always jump for her.

As we have gotten older I have realized that I truly do love her, and that I would move the Earth for her. I could not take it any more, could not hide it from her any longer. She came and spent about a week with me new years. one night we were drinking and I kept drinking until I got up the courage to tell her how I felt. Definitely not the best way to do things but it worked. We have been able to talk about it fairly freely from that day.

She has told me that she fells the same way about me, but is still having trouble getting over the American views on things. And I completely understand, I felt the same way for a very long time until I realized I did not care about that all I cared about was her. We are still talking about it and I find me self hoping we can be together, but then I get a fear from deep within.

Over the years we have been through a lot together. Marriages , my deployment,and much more. Through everything She has been the gravity that holds me to the Earth. She is the only person I have in my life that I can talk to and be me with. She is the most important person to me, and  I could never stand to lose her. So my Question is this, is the risk worth it. I mean I love her more than anything. I would give anything for her, but if something were to happen and I lost my best-friend I would fall apart. Has anyone tried things and they not worked out like they wanted, were you still able to have your best-friend? Sorry for the long drawn out story. I just know in my heart what I want is to be with her for all of life and beyond, weather as best friends or soul mates.  Thank you all in advance.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So my Question is this, is the risk worth it. I mean I love her more than anything. I would give anything for her, but if something were to happen and I lost my best-friend I would fall apart. Has anyone tried things and they not worked out like they wanted, were you still able to have your best-friend?

Herein lies the conundrum of any relationship that begins first as a friendship:  You develop feelings for someone and are fearful of the consequences if the romance goes sour.  This is not a cousin romance specific difficulty.  Romance demands risk taking!  I'm sure there are some people who can attest that a friendship remained even after a romance ended, but surely you know that those are exceptions to the rule.

I suppose if you are as enamored by this woman as you say you are, and she feels the same way as you and if you really believe that this is the chance for you to pursue happiness in your life, then you should go for it.  She needs to reconcile herself to the fact that a romance between 2nd cousins is perfectly normal; and if she's willing to do that and take a chance with you, then you may have a shot at a relationship.

But only you can decide if the risk is worth taking. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if you are both single (you mentioned marriages as though they were past tense), then i have to say from MY point of view that yes, it is well worth the risk. and really, what risk are we talking about, anyway? as second cousins, you don't face any increased risks of birth defects if you were to have children. you also face no legal issues with getting married, since 2nd cousins can legally marry anywhere.

so the real question seems to be is it worth the same risks that you'd face if you were in love with any totally unrelated person. no need to worry about social stigma... most people won't know unless you choose to tell them. and those who do know will support you if they have half a brain.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes we are single. Thank you for your responses. It helped me believe what I already knew I'm my heart. In guess now it is all up to her, hopefully we can give things a try but not sure after our talk tonight. I will keep fighting for her but only to the point I will not lose her as my best friend. I am very happy I found this site, it let me know I'm not alone.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

will she come visit this site and talk to any of us? maybe we could ease some of her concerns.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

lonely#2,

will she come visit this site and talk to any of us? maybe we could ease some of her concerns.

My mind has been read. Get her here and show her this. 

So my Question is this, is the risk worth it. I mean I love her more than anything. I would give anything for her, but if something were to happen and I lost my best-friend I would fall apart. Has anyone tried things and they not worked out like they wanted, were you still able to have your best-friend? Sorry for the long drawn out story. I just know in my heart what I want is to be with her for all of life and beyond, weather as best friends or soul mates.  Thank you all in advance.

Yeah.

Way back in the day, my second cousin and I had what we call our little "moment." Like your cousin, she was afraid of what people would say/ nervous. By and large, she still is. We will never be together again. We had our moment, and didn't go for it. We let it be awkward for DECADES. We avoided contact, or at least being alone together. We saw each other on the rare occasion at family functions from time to time, and even though it was awkward, we were, are, and always will be, each other's favorite cousin. We both married and divorced others, (her once, me three times now) and, unlike you two, were never "available" at the same time. In the last three or four years we've reconnected, aired it all out, and are back to being as close as we ever were. (Well, other than those brief several days over a couple weeks or so.) We have something that has been noted here many times, that being what we call the "read each other's mind/ look in each other's eyes and know what the other is thinking/ finish each other's sentences" thing. We are very close in age, (one week to the day apart) which made us "favorite cousins" as soon as our mother's explained that to us when we were 10ish or so and we formally met. Shortly after that, they moved across the street from us, in our Great-grandmother's old house, and for several years we were actually more like siblings that second cousins. We all played together and had big fun. I'm sure there were times we fell asleep together as our parents visited late into the night, before they left and walked back across the street. I don't remember any such specific incidences, but I'm sure they happened as a matter of course. At that time, being so very young, there were no sort of "romantic" feelings, and I actually had the crush on her older sister, LMAO. Several years later, we were pretty much "party animals" and our circles somewhat overlapped, but we had both moved from the old neighborhood, and sort of lost track. We reconnected, had our "moment," got nervous, and walked away. There was no internet as such back then, and information, especially as much as is available here, was not readily accessible. If there is actually the connection you say you have, and she feels the same, it behooves the two of you to set down here together, read the facts, get on the same page, and then decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your lives. If so, go all in, and don't let anyone dissuade you.... Just a little tip from your Uncle Hawk..... :wink:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your response sorry for late response but really busy. Hopefully things will work out but right now she needs a little time to figure things out. I am just trying to show her she is a very important part of my life no matter how things end up. And I need to clarify neither one of us is married. She does have a boyfriend and I do not want to make her choose. When I told her I just needed her to know the truth. I needed her toknow why I had pushed her away before I never meant to turn things into thinking about us I just needed her to know. I will gladly stay bestfriends and that's all I expected when I told her was just hoping she would understand new a little better and it would help us have a closer friendship. I don't know if telling her was the right thing to do butat last now in don't have to live with the lure. Sorry to drag you all into this but I have nowhere else to turn but strangers. Thank you all.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0