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Alaynairene

What should I do? Stay or leave?

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11 posts in this topic

I'm going to start from the beginning.  :smiley: I first met my cousin I was 16 years old he was 17. We never felt any sexual or emotional connection whatsoever we just knew that we would be very close as soon as we saw each other because we had the same common interests.. Haha

Like video games and we has the same sense of humour haha  :tongue: :wink: :grin:

Anyways, he would stay at my house for 2-4 days once or twice a year with about 4 other cousins.. So we never did get to really get to know each other.

My cousins have been visiting me for around 3 to 4 years and each time they're here they do only stay for about 4 to 5 days. Anyways I'm trying to get to the fact that we didn't grow up together..

The last time my cousins visited I was 18 and we were pretty close, he always felt the need to protect me or make sure that I was happy or ok.. (Cutie right?)

Every now and then me and him Skyped and talk for a long time.. We would talk about silly things, immature things, and watch funny videos haha.. Then we got on to more serious topics long story short, I told him about the cuts on my legs and how I felt like my family doesn't care. He felt very sad and decided that I needed break and said that I should come to his house for a month where I would never get yelled at and spend time with family that I never get to see!

We had no intentions of dating, but we both had a small crush.  :azn: :wink:

Anyways, everything changed when he picked me up at the bus terminal  we saw each other in a different light..

I felt really safe and different around him, not like how I feel around regular people.

Everything was different after that we would complement each other more, hug during movies and he decided to kiss me on the cheek and then we kissed for the first time...  :smiley: :rolleyes:

After that we fell in love..... I can't picture my life without him as of this moment.. We were best friends before this. :) :cheesy:

We told his brothers and they actually didn't care at all.. His mother was shocked but still very understanding...

My parents on the other hand decided it would be okay if they put me into the psych ward, or at least threaten it.

They said that they actually can put me into it but because I have cuts all over my legs and that I could have been sent for self harm and suicidal thoughts... That wasn't the point on why they wanted me in there.. They wanted me in there because they thought I was disgusting.

My mother, father and sister all yelled at me and blamed me for everything that is happening.  They constantly told me that I was ruining and tearing the family apart.. When they told me that they could send me to A mental hospital I lost it and ran out the back door .. I called my best friend to come pick me up and he was on his way but then my father called him and said that if he steps 1 foot near the house it will not be a good time... I hid understand a transport truck for about 20 minutes until my father came out telling me that I am breaking my mothers heart and I am hurting the whole family. He told me that I am the reason why there is so much pain in the family right now. When I went back in the house there was so much yelling and screaming and everyone was blaming me..  They just wouldn't let me go. Every couple seconds my mother, sister, or father would come to the stairs and stair at me for a short period of time with disgust while I sat there crying and bagging for their forgiveness.  :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

We love each other. I am 19 and he is 20, we want to go to college together but my father is saying I can't leave the city and that I am not aloud to go to college with him. It's not fair.  :cry: :cry:

My family is acting as immature as it gets but my cousins side could almost careless.. I wanted to go and move with a different family member but my sister and father are guilt tripping me into staying. They are saying that I am selfish and I don't think about anybody else but myself.. They are telling me that it's sick and wrong and that it will NEVER happen. My father even said "shut the fuck up and go fuck your cousin"

... That's the man saying that I am immature.  :undecided:

They won't let me leave. My sister freaks out and cries every time I do my makeup or hair because she thinks I'm going to run off. It's getting to a point where I will be very soon.  :embarrassed: :(

Anyways, I guess I'm just here asking what you guys think about this should I leave? should I stay?fro my family sake? We are not breaking up and we don't plan on it. No matter what.  :laugh:

Also randomly side question

--- does anyone else think that cousin marriage lasts longer then most????  :tongue: :tongue: :wink: :grin:

Ok goodnight everyone :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

Sorry is this is hard to read, typed it on my phone haha

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Firstly, I am so sorry for what you're going thru. It made me really sad to hear it

If what u said is tru, then the way your family is treating u right now is unacceptable. No doubt.

Is your cousin a first or second cousin? If so, what I would do is talk to him and discuss all this with him.

Then see if he can get his parents to talk to your parents about the relationship u guys hav since it seems like his parents are more accepting of this.

U need to show your parents cousin relationships arnt bad in any way shape of form. Try to hav a calm discussion with them and get your cousins parents involved. I really hope everything works out for u :)

Best Wishes

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random side question answer.... marriage fail at a rate of something like 50%. as much as i'd love to say cousins are less likely to divorce, i can't. i also can't say that christians are less likely to divorce. or that the marriages of people over the age of 30. or any other criteria. because the statistics indicate that divorce is an equal opportunity destroyer. what matters is the couple... are they entering marriage with realistic expectations? are they prepared for the years when marriage is more work than pleasure? are they willing to do whatever it takes to safeguard their marriage, even if it means having no friendships with members of the opposite sex that don't include their spouse, 100% of the time? marriage isn't easy. most people don't really get that. and that's why they fail.

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your 19 so that means your a adult so why not just move out and live with your cousin? They cant force you to stay.

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Firstly, I am so sorry for what you're going thru. It made me really sad to hear it

If what u said is tru, then the way your family is treating u right now is unacceptable. No doubt.

Is your cousin a first or second cousin? If so, what I would do is talk to him and discuss all this with him.

Then see if he can get his parents to talk to your parents about the relationship u guys hav since it seems like his parents are more accepting of this.

U need to show your parents cousin relationships arnt bad in any way shape of form. Try to hav a calm discussion with them and get your cousins parents involved. I really hope everything works out for u :)

Best Wishes

Hiii, Thanks for your advice! He is my first cousin and he is very much involved in all of what has happened and happening.  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

My cousin says it is more of a control thing, they DO NOT want me to leave. Especially my sister and mother..  :undecided: :undecided: :undecided:  PS we live in Canada

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your 19 so that means your a adult so why not just move out and live with your cousin? They cant force you to stay.

They are forcing me to stay with guilt. My father telling me that I am breaking my mothers heart if I leave and my sister crying every time I leave the house..  :cry: :embarrassed: :( Also, him and his family live 5 hours away

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They are forcing me to stay with guilt. My father telling me that I am breaking my mothers heart if I leave and my sister crying every time I leave the house..  :cry: :embarrassed: :( Also, him and his family live 5 hours away

5 hours is nothing. It's close enough to visit every now and then. You should follow your heart. You are living your life, not your parent's or your sister's. If you waste it once, you get no second chance. If they love you, they accept your decision.

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Alaynairene,

I feel that you have to fix things with your family first. At least be in good terms. You may not like them and conversely they may not like you but you...and even all the more, they may not support you and your cousin. But nevertheless, at least try to fix things with them. Spend time with your parents as much as you can for at least 6 months or so and see what happens. If they say something that gets into you, just stay quiet and do not fight back. My point is to be in good terms with them. Then afterwards, continue your relationship with your cousin. If all hell's break loose once again, at least you do not owe your side of the family anything.. You know what I mean?

Remember that they are still your parents. They are still your brothers and sisters. It's quite sad that you have to go through this.. Your relationship with your cousin is not a replacement of the lack of your family.. Both relationships have to be equally nourished. :)

Pooch

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Alaynairene,

I feel that you have to fix things with your family first. At least be in good terms. You may not like them and conversely they may not like you but you...and even all the more, they may not support you and your cousin. But nevertheless, at least try to fix things with them. Spend time with your parents as much as you can for at least 6 months or so and see what happens. If they say something that gets into you, just stay quiet and do not fight back. My point is to be in good terms with them. Then afterwards, continue your relationship with your cousin. If all hell's break loose once again, at least you do not owe your side of the family anything.. You know what I mean?

Remember that they are still your parents. They are still your brothers and sisters. It's quite sad that you have to go through this.. Your relationship with your cousin is not a replacement of the lack of your family.. Both relationships have to be equally nourished. :)

Pooch

I see what you mean. Thank you very much! =) Made me think.

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UPDATE.

My mother found out about what my father had send to me out side with no one else around. "Go fuck your cousin" and she said if that's true then she is done. (With her marriage.) I spent 20 minutes trying to convince her that I lied. (for my family sake.) If she finds out I may have ruined that family. I'm scared and have no idea what do. . . I want to leave so badly.  :( :( :(

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It is very possible that instead of you facing your family problems, you are seeking refuge to your cousin. I would advice you not to do this because things will get worse. Take care of your parents Alaynairene. They are still your parents no matter what happens, you know what I mean? Forget the lies, the fighting and all... Sometimes, it's better to just keep quiet, you know what I mean? I sure hope that your cousin is supportive of you even in this difficult time with your parents...

Wishing the best,

Pooch

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