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I already know the answer

Guest saddened

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Guest saddened


I haven't seen my 1st cousin in over 20 years. We live across country from each other. He is mid 30s and a bachelor. I honestly did not even remember he existed until he looked me up on FB. He has grown to be one devilishly handsome man. He would message me occasionally on FB and flirt. I flirted back ( I have to admit I found myself more than just attracted to him ). He gave me his phone number and told me to call him and I waited 24 hours and then called. He didn't pick up. I left a VM and figured he would return my call. He did not. So I called again the next day. Some woman answered and I told her I was his cousin and she seemed happy to hear it and told me she would tell him I called. He still did not return my call. I was pissed. But I gave up and never called again. We did not speak for almost a year (mostly because he completely ignored my FB messages, no reply EVER, and my messages were just the basic "Hey what's up" kind) .........and then he started messaging me again. Not much, mind you, just a "hey how are you" about twice a year.

Yes. Twice a year. This infrequent chat went on for about 3 years. Then one day he started with the outrageous flirting again. Told me to call him. I did not. I will never make that mistake again. But I certainly flirted back and then things got weird.....

We started talking about sex. He ended up telling me that he has been wanting to have sex with me for as long as we've known each other ONLINE. Remember I have not seen him in 20 years. He wanted me to come visit him. I told him I wanted him too, but I would not be visiting him to satisfy a 'booty call.'

He said some pretty sweet things. I could feel myself falling for him. Then he started talking about his gigantic 'member'. And the next thing you know he was sending me a nude shot of his p*nis. I never in a million years wanted him to do that. I think it is incredibly disrespectful. However that did not stop me from sending him a pic of my nether regions.  :embarrassed:

Which he loved. Or so he said.

The next day I was mortified with myself and then I got pissed at him because he was openly flirting with some girl on an FB status update, saying he was going to take her on a trip to MY state (that really hurt my feelings)....and so I deleted him off FB.

I messaged him a few days later to let him know no hard feelings and he was receptive at first. But when I messaged him two more times after that, once to wish him happy new year and the other just the proverbial "hey" ...he is back to ignoring me.

I haven't heard from him in weeks and don't really expect to. I know I did wrong. I know that he must be a player. I'm also afraid I really hurt his feelings by deleting him. He told me he would never delete me off FB....and then I went and deleted him. He is a sensitive guy. My heart wants to tell me that is why he won't reach out to me anymore, that I wounded his ego.... but my head keeps telling me he's just a player and obviously doesn't give 2 sh*ts about me. I'm afraid I lost my cousin forever.

What do you think?

Is he a player?

does he like me?

should I just forget it?

is there ANY chance of getting my cousin back?

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  • Administrator

maybe he likes you.... maybe not. chances are you're right and he was just having a bit of fun, which turns out to be at your expense. you probably hurt his pride more than his feelings. listen, he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do still. you are absolutely right that what he did was to treat you with disrespect. and yeah, you got caught up in the thrill of the moment and disrespected yourself in return. pull yourself up from this, shake the dust from your shoes and move on. five or ten years from now, maybe he'll be more .... something. right now he's racing the clock to prove he's still got all that sexual prowess, and if you're not careful you're going to get seriously hurt.

i loved someone very much like that when i was in my late 20s. he was ten years older than me, and definitely running a marathon against time. i compromised my own values (which at the time weren't very strong to begin with) so many times.... and yet i still dreamed of wearing his ring some day. it never happened. it's been a long, long time since then.... and i have to say i still think of him, often. i sometimes wonder what could have been. but my thoughts are never about missing him, wishing we'd stayed together. and they're also not about anger or hurt or revenge, either. my thoughts are quite simply comparing what i had wanted with him to what i have with the man i have now been married to for the last 15 years. and ya know what? that other guy always comes up lacking. i'm so glad i didn't get what i wanted, because what i have is so much more fulfilling.

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Guest saddened

Thank you, LadyC for your response. I believe everything you said, about him disrespecting me, me disrespecting myself, compromising myself for the thrill, etc etc...dead on. And I am ready to drop this now and move on. I already can tell the type of person he is and honestly, he's not someone I need in my life. He very much runs hot and cold and I'm just too old for games.

I'm not going to ever contact him again. But I am sad that I lost my cousin over one stupid, stupid night. The bright side is that I can see his true colors now. Again, thanks for the wonderful response. That's all I was really needing, ..someone to verify what my head already knows. It's not like I can talk to my mom or my girlfriends or...anyone about this, lol.

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  • Old Timer

I'm so sorry to hear this saddened. I'd definitely move on because he does sound like a player and I'm sure to all or most on here.

My cousin deleted me on fb too, that wasn't long after putting some pics of my renovated flat and my invite for him to attend my home warming party. Its pretty f****d up but never mind, I don't take it personal  :smiley:

Your cousin was definitely disrespecting you and I wouldn't settle for 2nd best, have respect and dignity for yourself and then you'll be fine :smiley:

He seems a loser and there's a high chance he always will be, I'd move on and find a guy that deserves you because your cousin clearly doesn't by his actions etc...  :smiley:


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