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Gabrial.S

No brain to mouth filter?

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" It should be illegal in every state. Its disgusting right Gabe?"

"Yeah, completely gross..."

So I posted in the advice part of this site with no intention of ever posting anything ever again.....but I don't have a journal and the only friend I have who would understand is kind of unreachable at the moment. I'm really hoping someone else is like me....no brain to mouth filter.

I think I really messed up any chance of telling my cousin, Ali, that I care about her the way I do. In my other post I told about how she had confessed a crush on me and I assumed at the time it was a joke. I think I got my answer as to whether she really felt that way for me or not, and it wasn't in a way I wanted.

Tonight several of our mutual friends and us were hanging out at her house with her roommate, about three hours into it, my cousin and I were having a close conversation about her new dog and one of her friends began teasing my buddy about being a red neck; she was being playful and somehow the subject of kissing cousins was brought up. It was all laughs and fine until one of my friends (whose kind of an a**) busted out with harsh degrading things about it. Incest. Gross. Unnatural. Just a couple of the words he used. I wasn't really paying much attention to what was said; I was distracted by the way my cousin seemed to have drawn away from everyone. When he said it (the italics above) I was only listening with half an ear, so I replied without thinking (red italics) and I knew as soon as the words left my mouth I had really messed up. I've never had my cousin pull away from me so fast....

Right after that she asked us all to leave and when I tried to talk to her she just ignored me. I think I really hurt her because her confession wasn't a joke and she cares about me, I feel horrible, I lost something very important. I'm ashamed of myself for degrading something I am becoming a part of.

Has anyone else ever really messed up? Will she ever even be able to look at me again? Where does one buy a brain to mouth filter with heart capabilities? (trying to laugh at me pain....it's not working)  :(

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of course we have all messed up. but you should confess to her your feelings. even if you just have to blurt it out while she's trying to walk away. and then when she stops or pauses, apologize and tell her you were just being an idiot.

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of course we have all messed up. but you should confess to her your feelings. even if you just have to blurt it out while she's trying to walk away. and then when she stops or pauses, apologize and tell her you were just being an idiot.

Why should he say he was being an idiot though LadyC? As you know one can't help how they feel.

I hate asses who try and spoil things by their narrow minded minds about cousin relationships, f**k them is what i say  :laugh:

nessa76

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because he doesn't feel that way... he does like his cousin, and he was talking off the cuff when he agreed with his cousin that the idea was gross. unless i misunderstood what i was reading?

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because he doesn't feel that way... he does like his cousin, and he was talking off the cuff when he agreed with his cousin that the idea was gross. unless i misunderstood what i was reading?

Well only Gabrial.S can answer what he meant/means. He could tell her that he only said its gross because of the others making a negative attitude towards it but he doesn't feel that its gross, deep down inside :smiley:

It all comes down to media and society brainwashing people that its so called wrong to have feelings/attraction for a cousin. People fear what they don't understand like you said before, people don't have a mind of their own (its just narrow) lol

I have a cousin who is the sister of the male cousin i'm attracted to and she is married to her 2nd cousin. One of my other cousins said its sick but she's a drama queen anyway  :laugh:  More of a reason NOT to let her know how i feel about my cousin lol

Anyways, we'll have to wait for Gabrial.S to reply back to this post.

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I guess in a way your both right. I won't say I was being an idiot but I know what I said was wrong and it makes me feel horrible. I know that before I realized I had feelings for my cousin I did think it was gross, it was never anything to me before. Now I wonder if Im even worth her time....if a part of me naturally believes its wrong, is telling her even worth it?

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i seriously doubt any part of you "naturally" thinks it is wrong. you are just like the rest of us... you've been conditioned by society to THINK it is wrong. that kind of conditioning takes time (and often circumstance) to be undone. and when i say the rest of us, i mean US. most of us here (except for those who grew up in cultures where cousin marriage is common) all thought it was wrong, icky, gross, insane, etc. at one point or another. i know i sure did! and yet, just a few weeks ago, my cousin and i celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. so is telling her even worth it? YOU BET IT IS.

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I guess in a way your both right. I won't say I was being an idiot but I know what I said was wrong and it makes me feel horrible. I know that before I realized I had feelings for my cousin I did think it was gross, it was never anything to me before. Now I wonder if Im even worth her time....if a part of me naturally believes its wrong, is telling her even worth it?

Telling her how you feel should be worth it, just bite the bullet. Its only wrong in the eyes of others because they try and brainwash as said earlier. I felt gross/dirty for having an attraction to my cousin at first but as times gone on, i don't feel like that now  :cheesy:

Try and overcome the so called wrongness of it and like i said bite the bullet, sure should be worth it if you like her :smiley:  Last thing you'd want is to look back with regret in not telling her.

Hope this helps a little.

nessa76

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I took all the great advice I've been getting. I walked to Ali's house (she lives a mile out of town~creep as heck) and asked her to talk to me. She threw a bucket of warm water on my head from her window and left me to freeze in the wee hours of the morning. She wouldn't listen to me at all...so...I sat outside her door for hours.  She used the back door and even had headphones in when I happened to see her in a window. 

I tried everything I could think of before I did possibly the most corny thing I could have done. I called her roommate and her guy and asked them if I could borrow thier musical talents.

Now, I haven't sung since my brother died it was something we did together. I sang every single kind of so ta to full blow love song I know she loves. (I introduced her to a lot of the bands) Now I'm sitting here with her dog, guitar and two of her closest friends coming clean and waiting to see if she opens the door (here's to hopping (such an weird word) she took out her headphones.

Also as proof to myself that I can be honest about all this stuff.....my real name is Benjamin. Gabrial is my middle name. Yay honesty.

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how can a girl not be won over by a serenade?

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