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Closetomydream

Within reach but...

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First thank you all for sharing your experiences.  It has been a comfort knowing we are not alone. 

I'm in a relationship with my first cousin.  For nearly 1 1/2 years, we have been seeing each other and we have a very strong live for each other.  Like many here, we have kept "us" secret, save a few very good friends. 

We both want to be out in the open, but not at the risk of hurting her dad.  This was a discussion in the beginning...and we have an understanding that this ride will come to an end.  I've always been ready to take the risk, but she is not. She wants a normal relationship, and she cannot have it with me. 

We moved in together recently and on the surface it seems we live seperately.  When her children are with us, we sleep in separate rooms.  The primary reason to live together was financial and I think most believe it.

In ernest, I believe her dad has a suspicion, but I am uncertain.  One day soon, I'll be taking him out to lunch, and I'm hoping he'll  ask the right questions...I won't lie.

I've often thought about discussing it with my mother.  I believe she would be fine and think she would be a good gauge of my uncle's reaction.  There was a point a year ago that my love wanted to do this, but got cold feet.

If nothing changes soon , I know we'll part ways..she is adamant that she won't Change her mind..  She'll want to be able to have a normal relationship.  If the day comes, it will crush me.  I'm really not sure what to do....

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I'm sure you don't want to invest more time and energy into a relationship that has no future.  She is scared of her parents' reaction, most of us were in the beginning. The thing is, the two of you have to stop hiding this from everyone.  Family will find out sooner or later.  It's better for you to take charge of when people find out; let the chips fall where they may.  You say she wan't change her mind.  Does that mean that she won't ever tell anybody about you?  Do you want to be in a relationship where you are someone's dirty little secret?

There is absolutely no reason why the two of you can't have a "normal relationship".  Lots of us have "normal" relationships with our cousins.

The two of you have to decide how important this relationship is to each of you.  If you're not willing to risk some rejection along the way, then it may be time to part.  If, however, you both decide that you like what you have and you want to spend the rest of your days together, then go for it - to hell with what others think!  You've been doing this song and dance for over a year - it's time to decide what the two of you really want and start living your lives on your own terms.

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Hi! I agree with the first poster, sooner or later the truth will come out and I think it's best if you have a go speaking to one of her parents (the one that's less intimidating ! Haha) so don't get your hopes down and I wish you the best! Don't forget to tell us how things go.

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Thank you both for your feedback. 

We signed a lease on a larger house and have moved in.  My previous house had been to small for the five of us. 

We had a roof leak and water was coming into "my room".  So, i stayed in "her room" last night.  Her mom came over to watch her granddaughter so we could go run some errands.  Her mom decided to nap with the granddaughter in "her room".  I had left the previous day's clothes on the floor next to the bed (oops) and I had some of my things on the nightstand.  She has said nothing, but she had to notice that I had stayed in there.

That's the latest.  I still have yet to have lunch with her father.  We'll see how this goes.

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Thank you both for your feedback. 

We signed a lease on a larger house and have moved in.  My previous house had been to small for the five of us. 

We had a roof leak and water was coming into "my room".  So, i stayed in "her room" last night.  Her mom came over to watch her granddaughter so we could go run some errands.  Her mom decided to nap with the granddaughter in "her room".  I had left the previous day's clothes on the floor next to the bed (oops) and I had some of my things on the nightstand.  She has said nothing, but she had to notice that I had stayed in there.

That's the latest.  I still have yet to have lunch with her father.  We'll see how this goes.

LMAO **  I had left the previous day's clothes on the floor next to the bed (oops) and I had some of my things on the nightstand.  She has said nothing, but she had to notice that I had stayed in there.**

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Me and my bf (2nd cousin) are planning to come out slowly.

I have told my mom and she was kinda in shock. It took her

a by storm because he's a bad boy and he's my cousin. LOL.

Before I told her, I said "mom I have something to tell you and

I need you to remain in your seat". I'm close to a sister that

lives out of state and I told her. She was very upset plus I told

her we planned to get married. We are no longer on speaking

terms. She said her or him. I do not do ultimatums. He and I

had agreed to keep our marriage between us unless we relocate.

We will be seen around town together and let our family conclude

what they want. We are older 37/44. This was my I idea I do not

feel we owe people an explanation. LOL. We are still decide on our

kids 4 and 7. I have spoke to my 16yr old daughter and she was ok

with it. Turns out she has a frd whose parents are first cousins.

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Cocosurviving, I like your attitude." I do not feel we owe people an explanation."

Last night, we were discussing how well we get along, living together, and she discussed the possibility of buying a house in about a year.  I know it is a long way off, but I am excited by the notion. :smiley:

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